Preemptive Strike: The Hell Mouth Opens
by Carroll E. Stewart
Summary: Follow on to Preemptive Strike:Season5, The Finale. Eric and Sookie are King and Queen of the Fae. It is Hallowen in Bon Temps. Just like Rene before him, Compton gest a "hall pass" on All Hallow's Eve and comes slithering up out of Hell. Believing that Sookie still loves him, he wants her to take his place in Hell so he can seek his revenge on Eric and once more be King!
1. Chapter 1

103 - PS: Halloween 2013, The Hell-Mouth Opens

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlene Harris. No infringement on my part is intended****_._**** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated M**

**Preemptive Strike: Halloween 2013, The Hell-Mouth Opens**

**HELL **

Humans were pitiful and amusing...and sometimes even tasty. This human that she was presently torturing was just fucked. "It is All Hallows Eve on Earth," Satan snickered but then became thoughtful. "A time when the veil parts and spirits can be seen. I understand Rene, that you warned a human of awful times and bad things that were to come to her on this last cursed event."

His reply could not be heard above his screams as he continued to be tortured.

"After all, this is Hell. We do not take kindly to you being absent without our explicit permission." Those in the throne room nodded in agreement. Sometimes they got the left overs, sometimes not. It did not matter as long as they were not entertainment or worse...the meal.

Satan was not pleased with this one. He had bragged about escaping, if only for a matter of moments. This just fueled her anger. "Especially to warn a human, one that had the possibility of being one of ours if her situation became desperate, enough. Because of your warning, I understand that she is lost to us forever. This does not make us very happy and I can tell by your screaming that it does not make you very happy, as well. Toast him for a while," Satan smiled as she turned to her minion, Lathe. "Slowly.

You had so many opportunities," she hissed, "to persuade her to join us, you little fucking human worm. Lost...my dinner is lost because of you..."

"She was old and used by many," he screamed in his defense. "Her goodness imparted to the bastards that she bore. Not a tantalizing morsel for you," he cried in his never-ending agony. "But..but...there is such a one. Fresh, lovely...not quite human...magic was whispered about her. I almost had her...almost..." his screams carried above the other wailing.

"Not human," she leaned in, intrigued. "Magic? How is she not human?"

"I..." his screams intensified as the torturer cut him deeper with the fire.

Cutting her eyes to Lathe, he stepped back from this putrid piece of weak flesh that was his to enjoy for the moment.

"How," Satan could feel the drool on her chin. "How was she not human...this magic...you could see it?"

"I," he gulped, trying to gasp for air that his lungs no longer required. "I do not know. I only heard rumors. But you have her lover, here. He would know.

She loves him," he sobbed. "her name is Sookie Stackhouse and they were lovers...I tried to kill her, but he was vampire and he used his powers to stop me. It is his fault that she still lives and is not here with you now."

"What is his name," she grinned, "this lover of hers."

"Bill, William Compton. He is here, I know he is. He was a vampire. He betrayed her. He took her love, her faith in him and he betrayed her."

"Bring me-e-e-e-e-e," the voice slithered out of the lips that had once been used to sing praises to its maker, "William Compton. I understand he has knows this...this Sookie Stackhouse," the words slithered with desire out of her mouth. "I desire to taste his essence and perhaps have him kiss my ass," she snickered. "And just perhaps, I will keep him as my pet once I have Sookie at my side and on my table. I desire something fresh and tinged with magic. She will do nicely.

Mmm, betrayal..." she sighed and then bellowed because her instructions had not been followed. "Bring me this William Compton, vampire that once walked Earth."

"What of this one?" Lathe asked. He was only being polite. He knew the answer.

"Continue to cook him," she smiled, "and then feast upon him, yourself."

An emaciated Bill was chained into position, down on all fours, his head buried in the foulness that was the floor. He howled in despair as he was feasted upon by those with more strength than himself. It did not help his self esteem any that he was the entertainment as he bawled for understanding, forgiveness, and mercy. That vileness that surrounded him just laughed and mocked him.

"I will do anything," he screamed. "Anything. Just say the words. I am yours tocommand."

"Well yes," she snickered, "you are. This is truth that you speak. You are here for my amusement. Now, I want you to begin by telling me about yourself," she sat back on her throne and enjoyed the spectacle that this one entertained her with. With non-interest she listened to his blathering about his human upbringing and then his time as vampire.

What she delighted in the most was when he would be violated during the course of his story when he did not expect it and he would scream in agony.

His head was pulled out of the filth and turned so that he could see the fire that burnedbeside his head and scorched his hair and caused his eyes to sizzle. Bill could only watch in horror as the fire burned hotter and what could only be a branding iron was added.

Satan was watching him being abused and was calling encouragement when the branding iron was used to mark him as her personal property. His screams were doubly sweet. There was the pain of the iron and the pain of the brand, itself. A part of her agony was transferred to him in that branding. He now screamed with the hunger that she knew.

"King Bill," she smiled sweetly at him, "how charming that while on Earth you were a king, King of the Louisiana vampires," she laughed. "But what you have left out is that you loved a human by the name of Sookie Stackhouse. That she loved you. That you loved her," she laughed in glee. "Betrayal," she grinned at him and winked. "Does she still perhaps, love you?"

"Sookie," he sobbed, "she is the one great love of my life. Of course she loves me. She understood. I did those things to keep her safe. It was not betrayal, but love for her that I did those things. Her grief was unquenchable when I was plucked from the Earth."

That was interesting. Did he honestly believe that? That did not sound like human shit wrapped in lies that he was talking...that almost sounded like truth.

"She has magic?" she asked, watching him to see if he lied.

"Yes oh great one. She is fae. Fairy. A descendent of the royal house. A fairy princess. "

Bill could see desire on Satan's face and perhaps a better life for himself.

"I..." Bill sobbed, "I am here and she walks the Earth. If I could, o' great one, I would be of assistance to you. I would tell her how honored she is to be desired by one such as yourself."

The slap raked across his face. The razor sharp nails blinded him.

"You have no idea how honored she is," Satan screeched at him. "Tell me what you know of her...and perhaps...just perhaps...there will be a way for you to walk the Earth in her place while she would fill the hole that you left."

"You want me to doom her to Hell?" he gasped as tears formed in his eyes, a mournful wail rising from him.

"Well yes," she replied. "Your freedom for hers."

"My, my freedom?" he raised hopeful eyes to his master, a smile in his heart and on his lips.

"Tell me," she smiled at him, her teeth glistening in the light of the torture devices, "that she reeks of magic. A magic that is pure and sweet. "

"Yes," he answered as he was unchained and pulled into a kneeling position before her. "She is so sweet. She is fairy, on her grandfather's side. Finton was the fae sire, a prince of the fae realm. Her blood, so light upon the tongue. To swallow such as her is to taste the sublime. Magic...the smell that wafts around her is ambrosial."

A nasty grin covered Satan's face. "Fae..." she said dreamily. "It has been a while since I have feasted on such."

Cutting her eyes to Compton, she did not believe him for one fucked–up minute. "Tell me," her eyes burned malice into him. "What is the fae talisman?"

"What?" he whispered.

"What," she leaned out and spit on him, "is the fae good luck charm? What allows them to travel back and forth between the worlds?"

Bill saw his way out of here and it did not bother him to tell anyone what he knew. Not if it would give him back his nights on Earth. "A circle. The fae come and go through a circle. Anything that is a circle."

"It is good that you knew the answer," she smiled at him, her eyes speaking of horrible pleasure yet to come. "A hell mouth will open for you in such a manner, inside a circle on their property. Get her to step inside the circle and you may step out.

I want her," Satan sat back on her throne. "I want her here with me. She will tingle with magic and I want her to tingle inside of me. On Earth, it will be All Hallow's Eve. Since you are newly arrived, you can step across the veil and speak to her. Entice her to come to you and then when she steps into my circle of authority, you can step out."

Bill felt the orgasm overtake him.! His sweet Sookie would offer her all so that he could be set free. He had scores to settle. He was starting with Northman. He had learned some new tricks while he had been here. With pleasure he would chain Eric and his bitch of a child and grandchild and his nights would not be so boring.

"Pleasure me," was all she said as she relaxed back into her throne. "I want her and you are going to bring her to me."

He felt the yank on the chain as he was hauled before the throne of the defiled one.

"Around back," she smiled, "I want him to start by kissing my ass."

**The Old Stackhouse Farmhouse**

"Mmmmm-hmmm! My little mans, what cho's doin's in that there flour bin? That there's was the perfect dive! I gives you a 12 out of 10 for your divin' goodness and suches. All God's angels are agree'n with me on that one. Not one bit of flour is there a dancin' in that little bits of sunshines. Yous did not even create a ripple on the top."

"My big mans," OI's head popped up. "I am ghostin' myself up for Hallowe'en! Prepp'n and rehearsin' for tonights special celebration. There will be tricks and treats and chocolate-ee goodnesses and suches in towns. We wills be walkin's and booin's with our Prince Hunter and the babies. Why," he carefully wiped a tear away, "our great and good Grandma Berry has spoken of smallish Were minced-meated pies to perhaps be passed out to a favored few who does stop at her door and calls out the magical pass words of _tricks or treats_!"

Lafayette had to roll his eyes at that. Mince-meated and then some. All The Realm was in an uproar! Every since Grandpa Hugh had let that slip, on purpose, Lafayette thought, no computer was safe. There was always someone or several someones hunched over a monitor watching old Abbot and Costello movies and boxes upon boxes from Buy arrived daily at their door.

"Yous listens to yous La-La. Just be carefuls as you goes with you's bad ghosted self outs and abouts today! You is lookin' like suches of the spirits world! There is enough of the fae goodnesses in Bon Temps that yous could be rebukes and sent back to yous grave. Boo and be spooked! You is so ghosty lookin'! Scarin' me now... and I can't be havin's that. Got this here pumpkin' goodness and suches and baby kisses to collect."

OI wiggled his eyebrows and smiled. "My big mans, I done watched _The Brady_ _Bunches_and _The Addams Family_ and _Addams Family Values_. And after the tricks and treats this fine booish evenin', I am sure 'nuffs lookin's forward to comin' home to the Hallowe'en Party Mr. Erics and Miss Sookie is havin'. Apples for dunkin' and jacks for carvin' and that merriest of go-rounds-abouts! And I wants me a jack with a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's carved into it. I is peerin' intos my futures and I sees that!"

"Sures to scare off any Were," Lafayette chuckled. "Howevers," he shook his finger at his bonded, "We wont's be playin' no wakin's-the-dead."

"My big mans, you is right...we will just let's wakin's-the-dead, dogs sleep . OI has decreed it so."

"Good! That is what I wants to hear. Now, I gots these pumpk'n treats in the ovens. Mr. Hunter will be here shortlys to help with the cuttin's. Right now, he is helpin's to burp the babies. Best you be comin's on out of the flour bins befores yous gets all measureds out by Mr. Eric. He is makin' pumpk'n waffles for breakfasts and I gots the pumpk'n ice cream already churned. "

OI was slowly swirling his way out of the flour bin. "My bigs mans...this pumpk'n bakin's is like the Thanksgivin's goodness that we celebrated last year on our Prince Hunter's first day of schools! Only with lots more chocolate-ee and other goodnesses that will go in our ticks or treats bag."

"Mmm-hmmmm," Lafayette nodded. "Yous will look like Mr. Charmin' is yous Mr. Lurch costume. So let's shakes off that flour and be thinkin's about breakfast."

"You rang?" thundered through the kitchen as OI came flying out of the bin and they both high-fived.

Hunter was sitting on the bed next to his Momma! He had baby Signy snuggled against him and he was lightly rubbing her back. There was a nice loud burp and then they both giggled.

"Momma, she's ready now."

Sookie kissed her oldest on the top of the head. "I bet your La La could hear that burp all the way to the kitchen."

Eric was rubbing Alrik on the back and at that time what could only be a belch escaped from his youngest son.

"And that one," Sookie turned around and kissed her baby boy on the nose, "that one could be heard all the way to the moon."

Alrik bubbled at her through his grin.

"Now, your Daddy is off to make waffles and I do believe your La La is already in the kitchen. I smell something yummy with pumpkin baking."

"My La La said that this Halloween is extra special 'cause we got enough brothers and sisters to go as The Wizard of Oz tonight for our tricks and treats."

"Yes," Sookie smiled at him, "I can not wait to see your Daddy as a flying monkey!"

Hunter leaned over and eyed his Daddy who was hovering off the bed and making monkey sounds.

"And all his little flying monkeys with him," Sookie chuckled. "You will be a sight to behold!"

Dear Readers,

I am at a drawdown to editing _The Father's Daughter_. So, time has now permitted me to write the plot line I have been carrying around since I pushed the "complete" button on Preemptive Strike.

...and so it begins...lolol...BOO!

I promised one or two there would be ghoulish delights around about Halloween. So here tis...

The follow on chapters of Hell Mouth should fall within the guidelines FF's Mature Teen. My stories will continue to reside on Fiction Pad under Carroll E. Stewart. On fiction pad you have to "log in". When you do so with a name, you will be able to access the MA+18 stories. And oh, you can now access fiction pad on your mobile device.

But you all know... in my heart I was just in need to take another cheap shot at Compton...sigh. Sometimes that itch just has to be scratched.

As always, thanks for reading!

Stake that freaking Compton and keep his nasty ass in Hell and bring on The Viking!

CES!


	2. Chapter 2

**104 Preemptive Strike: The Hell Mouth Opens**

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlene Harris. No infringement on my part is intended****_._**** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**Chapter 2 "...steamy..."**

Godric was admiring the night stars. When he was turned, it was with wonder that hisvampire eyes saw things take on a life of their own. With his angelic eyes, he could see the life in each thing. With great pleasure he was listening to the stars sing when Gabriel popped in.

Sitting down next to him she closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the night sky. It was beautiful in its harmonics and the angelic orchestra that was playing along with the star bright chorus.

"Godric," she smiled at him. Bless his heart, her Godric had no idea what was in store for him. If he thought his life was blessed now...just wait. "It has been noted that your child has been exceptionally good."

Godric shifted his gaze to the oldest created angelic being that existed.

"My Eric," he grinned, "he is a good son, father, brother, friend and husband to hisSookie."

This was indeed a blessed evening. Godric always enjoyed his time with Gabriel. She was his mentor and her sense of humor was most delightful.

"You know, " her smile got bigger. "It is All Hallow's Eve, today, on Earth. We could perhaps be on Earth for this event. It is a good one," she chuckled. "One of my favorites. Humans dress up for the purpose of scaring all of those wicked spirits that think to walk across the veil at its thinnest point back into Hell.

There is a lot of fun to be had trick or treating if you know where to look."

"My mentor," he grinned, "you mentioned my child and now you speak of fun of the devilish sort. Has my Eric a mission?"

"Ohhhh," she chuckled, "depends on whether or not _you_ are up for some fun..." she let the thought run out.

"On this night," she leaned in closer and wiggled her eyebrows, "the evil ones do not come slithering out of Hell without an escort. For this cocksucker to do a walk-about he is going to need a chaperon. You know, just one of us angelic types keeping tabs on the little pervert at all times."

"G," he laughed, "is there one in particular that wishes to come topside?"

"Well yes," her manner became very serious. "Rumor has it that one William T. Compton would like to see his beloved Sookie once, again," Gabriel said in her best Southern drawl. "Loooooovvvvvve," she drew out the word, "was on the petition that was sent up. All hearts and flowers and lies of the finest sort," she snickered.

"So..." she shrugged. "We let them think that that four letter word buys them some grace on this night so they can do walk-about, but it actually gives us practice on a moving target."

"Practice?" Godric hesitated. "Do we need practice?" and she could hear the seriousness in his voice.

"No," she laughed. "But Hell is even more hellish for the departed one who wants once last chance to speak to their one true love once they are pulled back in."

"I do believe," he grinned, "that I am available for escort service."

Grinning, she leaned her head back and closed her eyes and listened to the stars singing. "I do so love the _Hallelujah Chorus_."

.

Bill now had a mission. And it was a good mission. He was on a mission for Satan...and love. Hell had smiled on him and he was walking out of here. He had been the King of Louisiana while he had walked the Earth as vampire. Now he was going to walk it once more as...as...h-m-m-m-m, he did not want to dwell on those hellish thoughts...somewere just a bit horrific. Well...he was now a spirit _ascending up from Hell!_ Well yes, that was a little bit more in keeping with his fine Southern manners and his fine Southern drawl and after all, he had been a King! And now he was ascending...why...he could be asupreme spirit! An Ascending Supreme Spirit. Then he smiled. "Why I will be king of the **A**scending **S**upreme **S**pirits."

The brand on his ass still hurt...and would for the rest of his days. Hunger...he knew adeep abiding hunger that now continually tore through him. But Satan had picked him tobrand with her own personal iron and that had to mean something. Like maybe he was a prince..."Well yes," he giggled to himself. "Prince William. A prince in Hell and a king on Earth."

Control, he needed control and his fine manners. Listening to the screaming around him, he found his focus. And his focus was his anger for Eric who should be down here screaming! Why, the way his true death had ended was just shocking beyond words! His Sookie had been muttering "Fuck you" while Northman pulled him in front of a camera to be entertainment for the Vamp Channel!

Well, he had showed them how a real tragic hero met his end. He had not begged or pleaded for his true death or even to continue with his undead life...no...not like some ofthem had done...and Russell screaming "Bygones" the whole time was just ludicrous. Like Eric cared about anything vampire besides his child!

"And everyone thought I was a vampire wanting to be human!" Snorting, he hid the laugh. Ha! Eric was worse! He actually loved Sookie! What the fuck was that about?

Yes, the counsel's ending had not been pretty and Russell was still a screamer. Once in a while you could still hear that wail of agony "Bygones" bouncing around down here. All the old ones would just shake their heads and roll their eyes and then go in search of the heretic who would utter such foulness in their house.

Eric thought he was such a bad ass. Bill did allow himself a very small roll of his eyes. Why...he had no idea. Bad had a whole new meaning down here. "But that little stunt of him denying me what is mine is going to come back around and bite him on the ass," Bill smirked. "I am going to see that personally."

It had rankled him that the final words he would carry inside his mind with him the rest of his days was listening to Northman spouting to any and all who would listen that the King of Louisiana was a fucking loser. Well, who was fucked now? Leaning back against Satan's throne, he allowed himself a small smile. Even in Hell he was a winner. He sucked the life force out of a lesser being and felt the old desires rise back up in him. Well, Northman was right. He, William Thomas Compton was the King of Louisiana. He had a crown and a mansion to prove it. With one last long pull, he emptied the pitiful creature and cast it aside.

With a feeling of longing he let his mind drift to Sookie. Virgins were hard to come by in the 21st century and she had been succulent, sweet and her fae blood smoldering hotwhen he fed from her. Maybe what he felt for her was not considered love in this century,but that type of obsession in any other time would have been true love. "And I am not a stalker," he snarled under his breath.

And she returned his affections. Why, Sookie saying "Fuck you," to him as Eric dragged him by. That just proved his point. That was code. She wanted him...bad!

H-m-m-m-m he regarded the unhealthy smelling Queen of All Liars whose throne he lounged upon. Sookie...could he coax her into the fae circle to make sweet love to him? Could he actually have her one more delicious time before she gave her all for him so that he could right so many wrongs done to them both? She always came to greet him whenever he showed up at her door, no matter how pissed off she was at what imaginedslights she had against him. She was so polite. Her gran had raised her right. His Sookie was a Southern-belle with manners all the way down to her natural blonde roots.

And she had been an innocent! He liked his women inexperienced. That way he could impress them...

...and with that thought he could impress his Sookie one more time and everyone else here in Hell with his sexual prowess. Now that he had that thought, he really wanted tobang her in that fae circle so that all here in Hell could hear her screaming his name.

As soon as he made topside he was going to have his sweet Sookie once more before he cast her down into the pit and he walked out of the fae circle of light and into the welcoming dark night of Earth. He now knew how he was going to deal with Eric. He was going to chop him up and put him in a blender and drink him like those chocolate milkshakes his Sookie was so fond, of. Mmmm, Eric, straight up. Now there was a delightful thought.

.

"My big mans," OI was inside his tricks or treats bag as he watched his bonded at the stove. "I just loves how Halloween is now a holiday in Bon Temps." His bonded was working magic! OI was eyeing the vanilla sauce that was going to be served with the cinnamon rolls. "No school and everyone gets into the spirits of tricks and treats goodnesses."

"My little mans, it does reminds me of my childhoods," Lafayette said as he added just a splash more vanilla. "Stores, streets, and signs decorated with fly'ns high witches andMr. Jacks just a winkin's and smilin's at you. There is more haystacks in our towns theneven that little pervert Rumpelestilskin coulds spins.

And we has got us pumpkin' patches and mums and witchy lights. I done seen some might-tee fine dressed scarecrows everywhere and crows sittin's and chattin's them up. Mmm-hmmm. And I am lovin's those thatched roofs the fae have put on their buildin's. Those coulds just stay year rounds abouts. Just say'n.

Mr. Hunter," Lafayette eyed the young man in the flying monkey costume as he came into the kitchen. "I sees yous is ready for tricked and treats, tonight. But yous grandmas will be here shortlies for Halloween breakfasts and suches and they is gonna be wantin' their kisses."

Hunter giggled and took off his mask. "You should see the babies, my La La," as he was picked up and given a kiss. "They are so cute," he continued on as his La La set him on a stool at the counter. "Momma said Daddy could take us fly'n sometime today so we would be ready for tonight."

"Yous Momma is a smart lady, rehearsin's you and alls," Lafayette said as he scrapped the vanilla bean seeds into the pot. "I knows you is in kindergarten now and just the best big brother in this here worlds. But yous just be careful with thems loop-de-loops! You listen to yous La La. I knows you takes after yous Daddy and that you can pop and suches. But you lets Daddy do the fly'n tonights."

"I will, my La La," Hunter nodded sagely. "We don't want the babies thinkin' they can go flyin' off on their own. I am a good big brother. Momma counts on me to set the example. So I am hugging my Daddy tight and stayin' right with him."

"Yes sir," Lafayette nodded, "that is what I wants to hear. Now, I done gots my Miss Dorthy's all laid out and yous Uncle Jesus has his Love filled Tin-Man heart outfit ready to gos on. He wills be here shortlies."

"I can't wait to see sister Pam as Glenda the Good Witch," Hunter was wide-eyed. "Momma says she will be a sight to behold all dressed up in peach."

"Yes," Lafayette chuckled just perhaps a bit too gleefully. "We is all lookin's forward to seein' that. Miss Pam in peach...who would have thought it?

And I thinks I hears me a grandma bus pullin's up. Town folks can'ts be too far behinds."

.

"Flyin' monkeys," Sookie smiled at the Eric look-alike babies on the bed who were blowing bubbles and being sweet and charming as she kissed their toes. "You two little flying monkeys are to stick to your Daddy when you go out and about. Especiallytonight."

There were more giggles as Signy grabbed her brother's hand and put his thumb in her mouth.

Sookie's eyes went to Eric. "They are just like you," she arched her eyebrow at him. "And I mean it Eric. They do not have permission to go off streaking through the air and pooting fairy dust onto the crowd down below."

From the two on the bed came squeals of laughter!

"I mean it you two," she then arched her eyebrow at them. "Good thing your big brother is here to keep an eye on all three of you."

When Sookie said Hunter's name the babies squealed once more in delight. Their little bodies shook with joy and glitter blue fairy dust rained down on them.

Giggling, they wind-milled their hands and feet and kept the blue sparkles moving around until they formed a picture of their big brother. Then they wiggled their cute little button noses and blew even bigger bubbles.

"Yes, I've seen your Daddy work his cute," she said as she pulled the monkey socks onto Signy. "I know all about the Northman cute young lady.

That goes for you too, young man," she kissed Alrik on the nose and then put socks on her baby boy.

Handing their daughter to Eric, she then picked up her son and then handed him to Eric. "And you also," she arched both eyebrows at Eric. "Momma said no. Daddy, you are to abide by my decision."

Eric's lower lip was trembling just a bit as he kissed both his children on the nose. "Momma said no," he whispered to each one.

Little sad eyes stared back at him.

"I mean it, Eric," she then kissed her husband on the nose and started for the tent for family breakfast.

Letting out a big sigh he said to his very small children, "And she means it..."

.

The Victorians on New Year's Day were a sight to behold. All decked out in their best finery as they moved from house to house with their elaborate calling cards and Happy New Year salutations.

Bon Temps at Halloween was no different. Everyone had on a costume and came to the Northman door declaring "Trick or Treat give me something nice to eat!" and brought something of their own to set on the table in the tent.

There were lots of folks who came for breakfast and they all came in costume. Jason and Sissy were taking pictures and uploading them to the Mac that was projecting on one side of the tent.

"Where are Samuel and Molly?" Tara asked, looking around. "Molly said they were coming as Samson and Delilah. I would think I should be able to spot them."

"They are," Pamela smiled sweetly, "making a very fine attempt at making baby Da'vids. I am encouraging them is this endeavor. So they are down in the cubby where I have assured them they have nothing but privacy."

"My maker," Tara chuckled, "you are just bad."

"Well, yes," she smiled and winked, "but I am also looking to keep The Da'vid right here. On this property. Where his magic fingers and money making ass belongs. I made a nice killing yesterday."

Tara smirked. "Money wise, huh?"

"Well yes, as the free balling fae bastard that I am married to has told me in no uncertain terms that if I am to do any killin' while carry'n his children, it is to be with him present so that he can admire my every move...blah, blah, blah...and he was on duty yesterday so I was," she rolled her eyes, "at home...gag...!"

"You really going as Glenda the Witch of the North?" Tara asked in dismay.

"I lost the fucking bet to Eric," she sniffled just a bit. "When he told me that I would be pregnant before Halloween, I told him if I was he could just kiss my Glenda the GoodWitch ass. Fuck me running..." she sighed. "I can not seem to get a break. That free balling bastard I am married to is coming as Linda, the Good Witch of the South. Wallace," she hissed, "is wearing a most delightful shade of pink."

Tara muffled a laugh. "He looks smokin' hot in pink."

"Free balling bastard," Pam hissed.

.

Eric was on his way out the bedroom door when he turned around and smiled.

"My maker," he felt the love radiating out from his Godric.

"My Eric," Godric smiled back as he leaned in and gave each baby a lingering kiss on the forehead. "I see you are dressed for All Hallow's Eve." Godric looked around the bedroom. "My child," he clapped his hands in delight. "I see you have truly embraced the season. I do so love the Jacks by the fireplace."

"Thank you," Eric grinned. "Sookie and Hunter both embrace the season so I do somyself, as well."

Godric took Signy from Eric's arm and then Eric handed him Alrik. "My son," he inhaled deeply of the sweetest smell on Earth, "you do know that there are certain privileges granted to those in Hell on All Hallow's Eve?"

"What?" Eric asked. "No...really...?"

"Oh yes, my child," Godric's voice was very solemn. "And apparently it has been noted that you have been exceptionally good. And there has been one that has been exceptionally bad that is now in Hell and he has petitioned Heaven saying that he wishes to see a loved one, one last time. To say their good-bye."

"My maker," Eric wiped at his eyes, tears of joy cascading from his eyes. "Truly?" and you could hear the hope in his voice.

Godric's grin split his face. "Yes."

"I...I could have another crack at Compton?" There were blue sparks coming from Eric's eyes!

"My son," he kissed his grandchildren on the tops of their heads, "you have been exceedingly good. I shall be shadowing Compton. But know this, now that the fae are in balance, Compton can not trespass where fae stand guard.

Now," Godric rubbed his nose against the babies, "your Grandpapa must be off and about. I will visit with my grandson Hunter, later this evening.

My son," Godric handed the babies back to Eric and then kissed him on the forehead. Taking a step back so he could see Eric's love filled eyes he continued. "Compton has to pass back into this realm through something round with water or something round and fae-ish."

Eric grinned as he watched his maker shimmer out. "Good times, my children," and they laughed right along with him, "let the trick or treating fun, begin!"

Sookie watched as Eric entered the room. She did not know what Eric was looking so pleased about, but obviously he was. And this was just more than I am Eric-the-Fucking-Viking-Married-to-Sookie-With-Children-Northman...and oh by the way...King-of-the-Fucking-Fae!

"My bride," he grinned and winked at her. "I come with great joy bearing glad tidings ofwondrous news."

"I know angelic talk when I hear it. Godric has been here, huh?" she smiled at him. "And he did not stop by to see Hunter. So, what's up?"

"Oh mother of my children, did you know that spirits walk the night of All Hallow's Eve and speak to the living?"

"Well," she shrugged, "that is suppose to be why we dress up and carve the scary faces on the pumpkins. To scare them back into their grave."

"Or back into Hell," he wiggled his eyebrows. "According to my maker, we are going to be having a guest, with the setting of the sun. One that enters through either a circle of water or a round fae circle of something."

"You mean like a portal when the fae were not in balance _fae portal_?"

"I mean exactly a fae portal just...like...that," he wiggled his eyebrows, again.

"Oh-h-h-h Eric..." she laughed. "Really?"

"My maker tells me that I have been very, very, good. I believe that Santa is starting early this year. Dear Santa knows that at the top of my list I still would like to fuck with Compton."

Sookie thought maybe Eric's eyes had rolled into the back of his head from sheer pleasure. She started laughing and when all the fae in the room turned to look at her, she brought herself back under control.

"Only the family will be here for lunch," she giggled. "We shall plot and plan then. Good times!"

.

All the early morning adult breakfast trick or treaters had left. The family sat with the sides of the tent pulled back as they watched Hunter and his small entourage playing fort.

The story was told about Bill Compton and the video of the counsel's final moments was watched as it played on the side of the tent.

Liam was having a moment. Why was it that no one was mean or rude to his King? "Pbbblllttt!" was the only appropriate sound he could think of to make.

Clayton was beside himself with joy! This cocksucker had betrayed his Queen and that meant his ass belonged to him!

Grandma Esther spoke up at the end of the video and there was fire in her words! "You get me a shot gun with some rock salt. I'll say the blessing over it and I'll blow his ass back to Hell!"

Eric stood and addressed the group. "I have been giving this some thought. Sadly, this shall cut into the trick or treating time of those that volunteer..."

Looking around the room, Eric could see the glittering eyes and teeth of the pissed off Fae!

"It is not going to be that glamorous," he sighed as he shook his head. "I am just asking for volunteers to stand guard over things that are round and that have water in them. We are going to herd King Cocksucker to exactly where we want him.

And I know this is a bit unusual, but do any of the Fae actually shit? As in food waste like humans?"

There was uproarious laughter coming from a chair pulled up next to the fire pit. Kissing Princess Tin, soundly, there stood the Mer'lyn, in all his wizard glory as blue sparkling fairy dust fell from the ceiling and clung to him.

Approaching his King and Queen, he looked to Liam and Clayton, who both motioned for him to come forward.

Em kneeled before them. "My King and my most beautiful Queen," he bowed his head. "I am your humble servant. I have been in a human body for so long that I am now required to do this. How," he raised his head, joy radiating out from him like sunbeams, "how may I be of assistance to you?"

"OI, oh king of the dragons," Eric turned his head and addressed the dragon who was now fluttering in front of him. "This wind rider falls to your purview. I would be most neglectful if I did not ask for your blessing in this endeavor."

"My King and our most fair and beautiful Queen," he bowed to both. "Please know that we dragons are always ready to be of assistance and to help when needed. I am honored that you have deemed fit to extend your blessing to one of my kind and to entrust to us this vital mission."

"I thank you," Eric smiled at OI and then turned his attention back to Em. "What we need, o' favored one of the Blue Realm," Eric began, "is a big, steaming pile of perfectly round..."

.

When the kiddos came in for hot chocolate it was tricks or treats business as usual. Then, with kisses and hugs, Lance and Guinn and Sissy and Jason loaded the townie babies on the bus to take them home before it got dark.

OI was in the kitchen with his bonded, sipping his tricks or treats apple cider and throwing out long suffering sighs. "My big mans," he sighed, again. "I dids not know that shittin's out in the woods was goin's to be so mo' fo'n important! I..." he blinked back tears. "I dids not know. I would has been better prepareds. And I am the mo' fo'n king of the dragons. How dids I not sees this a'comin's?" Another sigh from him shifted the dust particles in the air.

"I knows my little mans," Lafayette buttered a slice of pumpkin walnut bread hot from the oven and handed it to him. "But there is just nothin's to be done about this. You just shits gold and this is goods and this is rights cause yous is a dragon. But yous has got to remembers, with Mr. Eric's, ones just not knows the deviousesness and suches that lurks in his mind."

"Our King is just one mo' fo'n bad ass," OI sighed, again.

"No greater truths was ever spoken," Lafayette refilled his little man's Fall Goodness glass. "But the dragon clan has now gots one dragon bounds in happiness...as in my name is_ Mer'lyn of the Shittin's in the Woods Dragon Clan_," Lafayette winked at his bonded. "You dids me prouds when you bestowed that title upon him."

"Yes," tears fell from OI's eyes. "A new dragon clans has come to be. Not in thousands of years has a new clan been named. And," he sniffled a bit, "and I was honored to do the name'ns. It was a proud moment when our King did calls our Em, forth. All Hallow's Eve has now becomes a sacred time to all dragons. One of our holy days. "

Lafayette refilled both of their glasses. "Times to take our fine selves to the meats freezen locker in Shreveport and be bringin's us home some Were to thaw out. Biggestof the dragons par-tay comin' s our way."

"I gots a batch of The Death's, ready to be brought forth for this blessed occasion. Good times, my big mans," OI wiped the tears from his eyes as they toasted and then downed the Fall Goodness in a glass. "Good times."

.

Em was rubbing Tin's back as she lay on her side facing him in a private Fae sleeping chamber out in the yard.

"What does this mean?" she asked. "A new dragon clan...?"

"You know that dragons inherit titles on their mother's side," he began carefully as his finger traced her face.

"Yes," she kissed his finger.

"I guess there was a reason our Prince Hunter always called you Princess Tin."

"What?" she started to sit up and he pulled her to him and then on top of him.

"We are now mother," he smiled at her and placed his hand on her tummy, "and father" he shook his head in disbelief, "of a new clan. Princess Sofia," he kissed her tummy, "will be much sought after. I am just going to start practicing my killing stroke, now."

"You, you mean like the founders of a new clan?"

Em smiled at this woman that he had loved for countless ages. "More than that. We are the founders of a new dynasty...a new age of the dragon." Shaking his head he laughed, "Looks like my mother gets her wish after all. She wanted me to be a Prince of the Realm. And you are my Princess. And our little Miss Sofia, she will be our defining moment."

Tin was shaking her head. "No Em...I'm not..."

"Not what?" he asked. "Princess material?" he lazily ran his had across her curves. "Hunter called you Princess Tin the first time he met you. You carry our daughter. This is destined. When a new dragon clan is called, the first child born must be female. She will set the colors of our family and the standards that we shall fly. We will not be required at court, but she will.

Thousands of years from now, our legends will tell of Princess Tin, the founding mother of our clan and how she gave birth to Princess Sofia. The first born daughter of the Dragon Shitting-in-the-Woods Clan."

Tin started to chuckle. "You really had me going there for a moment," she smiled at him."Your words sounded so majestic. I could see the conviction in your eyes."

"My wife...?" he asked. "Dearest, nothing was said in jest."

"Oh no," she was shaking her head. "Really? Is that what OI said in dragon? Dragon-Shitting-in-the-Woods Clan? It sound so much more regal in dragon..."

"Rest my love," he kissed her tummy, again, and then her lips. "Rest and dream of our daughter," as he settled her into his side and felt her gentle breathing as she drifted off to sleep.

Em closed one eye and kept one eye open, true to his dragon blood as they slept. With his open eye he chased the scenes of his life across the top of the sleeping chamber. He could see their Princess Sofia as she frolicked in the sky, chasing the clouds and counting raindrops. His daughter would be dragon in her bones and like her mother, a great artist.

Kissing his bride, he had not told her the whole truth. Princess Tin would be called in their histories the Queen Mother to a whole new breed of dragon. From her body would come the future. Getting up he pulled on his kilt and walked outside. Lance had just stepped outside of the tent that he and Guinn were sharing.

Lance started laughing when they walked toward each other. "See what happens when you laugh and call me Pack Master," he chuckled, wickedly. "You mock me for being responsible. Just see what happens Mr. Never Studied."

"Fuck me," Em shook all over. "I could use a shot of The Death's...or multiple cases of beer...or a bottle of Jack..."

"This puts your family back on track," Lance laughed. "Your daughter 's line is now OI's heir to the crown," he chuckled.

"Fuck me," Em could only wonder at it all. "Let's get drunk."

Lance laughed as he put his arm around his friend and walked with him to the grill area where the ice chests were set up and beer was iced down. "I want to be there when you explain all this to Tin. The ins and outs of dragon protocol and how she is now mother to a future Queen of the Dragons. We shall have us, my old friend, some good times!"

.

Dear Readers,

Taste the Fall Goodness : such is the stuff of Fall-ish leafed dreams.

1 cup apple cider...not apple juice...

1 shot Hot Damn (taste like the hot cinnamon candy) liquor

1 shot Apfelkorn (apple liquor)

1 shot vodka

1 shot Laird's apple brandy or substitute any other apple brandy...maybe even an apple hard cider...ohhhhh la la!

In a small bowl mix mix together...

1 TB brown sugar

1 TB white sugar

1 TB cinnamon

dash nutmeg

dash allspice

dash cloves

Or use a teaspoon of pumpkin pie spice instead of the nutmeg, allspice and cloves.

Rim the glass with Karo syrup (just a thick, white syrup) or beaten egg white. Dip into spice mixture.

If we are having a party, I'll do the shot glasses early in the day and let them dry. Use a tray to set them on as they dry because the sugar mixture will fall off onto the counter and you will want to clean it up with you finger...then you'll have to lick it off you finger...and then...

As always, thanks for reading!

Keep Compton in Hell and bring on The Viking!

CES


	3. Chapter 3

105 Preemptive Strike: True Blood, Season Five, The Hell Mouth Opens-Chapter 3 "...the goose drank wine..."

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended****_._**** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated M.**

**Chapter 3 "...the goose drank wine..."**

It was late in the afternoon as Eric got up out of bed and kissed a sleeping Sookie and then his children. Little toes were covered in monkey socks...well not all the little toes. Alrik had done his best to remove his before he finally fell asleep. He had cooed and giggled at his older brother into removing them for him. Even now, Eric could watch as his newest son made little contented noises as he wiggled his little baby toes and smiled in his sleep. Barefoot. His tiny little man liked to go barefoot. That was something he had inherited from his father who had grown up in the swamps of Fae. Then in the Nordic Sea. And from his mother who had grown up bathing in the swamps of Fae. Then wading in the swamps of Louisiana. The similarities were not lost on him.

When his eyes rested on Hunter he felt the tears form in his eyes. As his little man grew, each day he looked more and more like his Viking grandmother, Signy. His mother had been an exceptional woman. Eric could only wonder at this little man who had inherited his mother's patience, kind ways, and generous spirit.

His children...the grin split his face. Samuel was there every morning for breakfast demanding to hold the babies with Hunter tucked up next to him on one side with Molly on the other. While everyone else ate breakfast, Samuel held the twins. On a good morning, he would let Molly hold one but he was constantly correcting her on the proper way of supporting them until she finally just gave up and handed the baby back.

Hunter would be right there beside his Uncle Samuel chatting away with him and loving on his baby brother and sister while his kindergarten grade son ate his oatmeal followed on by whatever else was on the table.

Joy flooded him, just as despair had on a rooftop in Dallas...he had wanted to die with his maker. He had loved Godric with all that he was. Trusting his maker to love him in return where in a vampire world it was not safe to treasure anything. When the air began to heat up with the first streaks of dawn, Godric had banished him to the dark of the building. Grief had over whelmed him as Godric had continued to flood him with his love as he felt the pain began to wash through his maker. A vast emptiness of raging aloneness consumed him when Godric was given over to the sunlight. He knew when his maker was no more. But yet, there was a flash of bliss that flooded him and Eric had one last thought from his maker. "Sookie." And that thought had overwhelmed him and flooded him with a true sense of peace and of belonging.

And now his maker lived forever...just as he and his Sookie had been together for...well...since this planet had been created.

His wife was sleeping with the twins tucked under one outstretched arm. Hunter was on the other side of the twins. Andy was beside Hunter and Lion was stretched out on the pillow above Sookie's head. His Sookie...his from the beginning of time. They had their beginning as the original Fae, created to be the Guardians of this world.

"We shall guard it well," he said as leaned in and gently kissed his family, again.

Well yes to the guarding...Eric rolled his eyes. There were guards, everywhere. And with the passing of the light from the land, there were going to be even more guards. Rumor had it that even the tinkerbells were sharpening their swords and the fairy godmothers were going to leave tricks or treats bags at everyone's door after tea time. They were gifting everyone with useful apparel of whatever was needed...but tucked into every bag was also a pair of monkey socks. Apparently, tonight, everyone needed a pair of monkey socks. Silently he regarded his own feet. Monkey socks.

Then he looked back over at his sleeping children. Monkey socks...everyone in Fae now had a pair and were wearing them tonight, as well.

There was a lot of laughter and rivalry going on throughout the land of the Fae. And possibly some bloodletting was involved to see who was going to stand guard, tonight. Eric had to chuckle. After showing them the destruction of the vampire council, all those in Fae were seething and seeking some type of retribution! Compton had become a word that reeked of foulness right along with Oberon and Mab.

Briefing The Realm, he had told them what he was asking for just involved some time and perhaps those that stood guard would actually get to fuck with Compton. That had been more than enough. Sookie told him The Realm would be out in force, tonight...praying for bragging rights!

That would be fine with him. He was willing to share that joy 'roundabout The Realm. The more that got to fuck Compton over, the better he was going to like it.

Pulling on his pants, he could smell the caramel that was going to be used to dip the apples in. Lafayette had once more humbled all of those in Fae as OI crowed about his blessed bonded. This morning, there started out just the apple dipped in caramel. Then you could roll it in your choice of nuts. How about all of that dipped in chocolate? How about then dipped in white chocolate and then maybe rolled in marshmallows?

Hunter had watched with perfect O shaped lips as Jason cut his in two and shared it with Sissy. When Lafayette had asked Hunter if he wanted his cut into pieces, Hunter's eyes had been round as he nodded his head yes. Carefully carrying his plate, Hunter took his apple with one piece still on a stick, a couple of dragons, some tinkerbells and his dog, and had gone to sit by the fire pit and share and eat this newest tricks or treats.

All Hallow's Eve...when the last of the light kissed the earth, farewell, Compton was fucked. Good times.

Eric turned toward the kitchen. The air was laced with the pungent smell. Lafayette was popping the corn for popcorn balls. Little tiny noses were beginning to sniff the air. Well yes, there was a very attractive slightly bigger nose on his wife beginning to wiggle about. His lovely bride had the cutest wiggle that could appear anywhere on her body! Why, what was a husband to do? As her husband, it was his job to admire her wiggle! Especially when it was on top of him, or under him...mmmhmm, tricks or treats!

.

Bill was allowed to feed so that he would have his strength. To appear on Earth as a shade of himself required energy that he could achieve by sucking on a lesser. But to actually manifest a body so that he could have sex with his Sookie, that was going to take a vitality that he had not possessed while he had been in Hell. Maybe not while he had been on Earth, either. But he had not been fed on or tortured and he was feeling very sure about his success.

Besides, once Sookie was close enough, he would pull her to him and latch onto her neck and suckle that richly prized fae blood goodness right out of her. When she was moaning and pleading with him for sex, why, he would flip her legs over his shoulders and then he would latch on and drain that other wet fae goodness right out of her. He was a winner because he would have her in as many different ways and in as many different positions as he could imagine. And since having been in Hell, why, there were positions he was going to try with her that would leave him satisfied and her well, if not dead from pleasure, maybe just dead. For him it would be a win-win as he scampered off to take his revenge on Northman and be Satan's representative on Earth.

Eric would rue the day that he had been born. "Get ready Northman," he smiled, "to start your ruing and to be my ass monkey. It will be especially sweet. I shall reek of Sookie and you shall reek of me as all good little ass monkeys should.

Once I move back into the mansion, I am going to have new business cards made: _King William Thomas Compton_, **_A_**_scending __**S**__upreme __**S**__pirit of Hell_. Prince of the Dark Realm and...and..." he paused giving it all some thought. "And Majestic Lord of Eric the Ass Monkey Viking."

.

Maxine was watching her man as he picked up the water hose and then very discreetly peed into it. Maxine stepped up with her sanitizing wipe and cleaned the brass fitting as Hugh carefully draped it back around the garden fairy hose holder that they had purchased at Disney World.

"Hugh," she grinned, "you are just a genius."

HHH laughed and danced a little jig. "My love, my life, Compton shall pay us a smallish visit," he winked at her. "We too shall have our bragging rights."

Maxine was fully engaged. Whatever gave her man bragging rights, she was behind him one hundred percent. "Compton came to a Glorious Dead meetin' once. He seemed nice enough at the time," she said with a frown. "However, watchin' that video of our Miss Sookie with that Glock and the way our son dealt with that vampire council did my old heart good.

Bygones," Grandma Berry said with a snort and a roll of her eyes. "Lordy, Compton carrin' around that nice Limoges soup tureen filled with Jessica's goo. I know I never approved of that girl but lordy, she deserved better than that. Poor child, being those nasty-assed vamps cocktail while they were trying to terrorize our Miss Sookie and Lafayette and Jason. Those vamps were all sadly lacking in manners and etiquette.

What Momma Compton must think of her boy. Bein' a woman of The Old South School, I know she raised him better. Just goes to show what happens when you start runnin' with the wrong crowd. Those bloody bits in his momma's best china...the wonder and wrongness of it all," she said with disgust.

Hugh came over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Our boys have a fine mother," he kissed her. He could feel the sorrow she still carried for Hoyt. "My love, you are a good mother, a good friend, a good wife. You are my lover and you are the mother to our three and very fine boys. Grand mama to our lovely grandbabies. Your love and kindness flows out from you and to all those around you. Never was a man so blessed."

Nodding her head, he saw a slight smile and he felt her mood, lighten. "Now, I understand we are going to be the first tricks or treats stop for all of the fae."

Maxine smiled. "We have hundreds of those little tiny mince-meated tartlets and gallons of Sweet Baby Ray's for dipping. I think you are right, Hugh, just pour it into a big bowl and letting them dip it out for themselves will work out for the best. Lordy, I know we don't have enough for everyone, I could only get so much Were. If they would just stock Were at the Piggly Wiggly it would take my stress level down a notch or two. But OI assured me that they are most happy to share and will have their own little container for the sauce."

Hugh's ears perked up and smiled at his wife as his eyes cut to the garden hose.

Clock was wrapped around Momma Berry's neck with a camera and was recording the moment so that all of Fae could see it.

"We have contact," Hugh grinned and wiggled his eyebrows, "why I do believe we have first contact. Woohoo!"

Bill was standing at the entrance to Earth, Mother Freedom, The End of the Terror, On to Sipping Fae Goodness, Everyday is Northman Butt Monkey Day. He would once more live in a world where his dick would grow back. He would grow hard once again. Suck and fuck. He could kill with impunity or grant life. He would be King Bill and Eric would live the rest of his days on all fours as a willing vessel. He would televise his butt monkey and their not so private activities on the vamp channel and invite all to come and partake of his butt monkey. Not that his momma would approve, but he would hire Eric out to do porn and he could make money off of Eric being a butt monkey.

The time was now. Darkness was falling on Bon Temps! He had to have a portal. He had to have a fae portal! It was time for a spell to open a portal! Bill cleared his throat and in his best singing voice began. "Once upon a time, a goose drank wine, Northman was my butt monkey while I did a line. The goose liked shrimp, Eric went limp and to make a little money I turned into Eric's pimp."

Yes! Yes! Yes! There it was, a fae portal was opening! "I am the **A**scending **S**upreme **S**pirit," he shouted as he began his upward trek.

Maxine rolled her eyes and gagged as she heard Compton's voice coming out of the garden hose.

_"...and to make a little money I turned into Eric's pimp."_

"That man is just disgustin'," she spit out. "I bet his momma is rollin' in her grave. What braggin' rights she has. Well yes, my boy Billy wants to grow up to be a pimp."

"My beloved," Hugh looked saddened, "I am so sorry you had to hear that."

"**A**scending **S**upreme **S**pirit," she rolled her eyes, again. "Ass is right," she said to Clock who was chuckling right along with her. "What a fuckin' shit head. Hugh, you just go right on ahead. The town babies will be here soon and we need to get our monkey socks on. It is All Hallow's Eve. We don't have time for this pervert's foolishness and utter stupidity."

.

It was easy to spot where King Bill was in the process of his escape. He was making his way through their garden hose. They would hear him occasionally complain about how tight it was and how all his skin was being rubbed off and he could now see the wisdom of not having a dick because it would have been pulled off along with all of his skin and hair.

"Dickless," Maxine huffed, "no kiddin'."

With a grin, Hugh picked up the end of the hose and brought it to his lips. Taking a deep breath, he then blew into the hose. There was a lot of screaming as the hot-dog-bun-size-lump in their hose did the loop-de-loops of the curled up hose and was pushed back to the end. The lump disappeared and then there was the smell of sulfur wafting out of the small opening into the on coming night.

"I am sending the video on to Sookie," Maxine smiled. "Clock is sending it on to Fae. The sun will be down in fifteen minutes. Come on Mark Anthony, I think I hear the first of the little voices comin' our way. Let's put on our monkey socks and go to the front door. It is time for tricks and treats!"

"Yes," he winked at her, "my Queen of the Nile. My most lovely Cleopatra. I am yours to command."

.

In Hell, there was a loud rumbling sound and then a wet, squishy sound and then with a belching sound and a plop...Bill was deposited and then came the afterbirth that was the skin and hair that had been pulled off of him. With a loud thud and a golden shower he was born back into the bowels of Hell. Several were laughing as he was grabbed and pulled forward toward Satan's throne.

"I see no Fae," Satan smiled death at him. "I do however, smell," she took a deep whiff, "something that smells not like human and not like death." Her eyes became slits as her tongue licked her lips. "You are now washed in this tantalizing aroma. I will settle for you if you do not bring me the Fae."

"I will," his voice shook. "I was able to open a portal. I just could not keep it open long enough to make my way out."

"Yes," she smiled. "I know but I do not forgive. So, unless you want to burn forever in the pit of my stomach, I suggest you try again and bring me the fucking fairy."

Sookie's phone chimed at her. "First contact," she chuckled, "goes to Grandma Berry and Grandpa Hugh!"

There was a very big collective sigh that went out into the tent. Molly tuned in and the video feed started.

Pamela was sitting at the table and looked up from the stats on her iPad in front of her. "Do not ever bet against a lawyer," she chuckled as she started ticking off who owed what.

The _line of shame_ formed with the shuffling of feet and sad little dragon tears. There was the trembling of little tinkerbell lips and fairy godmothers were sure their hearts were going to break as they thought about what was now going to go missing out of their tricks and treats bag. Sniffling, they held next to their breast the piece of paper that granted them the right to hold the twins for ten minutes. Hugh...they all looked dolefully at each other...they had bet against Hugh!

Many shook their head in disbelief about how foolish they had been to bet against the luckiest man in The Realm. "Clearly," they all sighed, "his time on Earth and..." sorrow flowed from many as they stepped into the line to ante up, "...and he is married to the very fine and magnificent Grandma Berry. He knew the first time he saw her that she would put all of us to shame," as they nodded in agreement. "At the marriage of our King and Queen, he did begin to hotly pursue her with his charming ways and his knowledge of our laws as he laid the wonder and pleasure of both worlds at her very fine and dainty feet.

What chance did we have? Not only is he married to the Queen of the Mince-Meated Pies, he now owns our minutes with the twins," was sobbed.

"I feel your pain," Pamela smiled as piles of gold and jewels began to accumulate on the table, along with the paper chits that went straight to HHH. "Now, second contact is an up and comer. The baby-momma needs a new pair of shoes. Place your bets."


	4. Chapter 4

106 - "...all the king's horses..."

Preemptive Strike: True Blood, Season Five, The Hell Mouth Opens- Chapter 106 "...all the king's horses..."

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended**_**.**_** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

**This story is rated M.**

It was a splendid, spectacular, and somewhat strange night to be out Trick or Treating in the great and grand town of Bon Temps. Eerie clouds danced across the face of the moon and formed uncanny likenesses of folks that lived in these parts. It was so very peculiar a night there seemed to be dragon shadows that danced along in the gas lights of the old town square and jack-o-lanterns, especially those carved with fangs, that laughed along with the crows. Please dear God, those were crows!

Perhaps, for those that were not locals, perhaps this had been a bad idea to come Trick or Treating in a town that was not their own. Unnatural, out of towners would shudder from time to time as they peered into shop windows and onto porches that were lit with the smiling faces of jack-o-lanterns. It was uncanny and noticed by any that were not locals that everyone seemed to be wearing monkey socks. It was unnatural the way nature invoked the weird and the strange and monkey socks had been clasped to their bosom of fashion sense.

It was noticed and noted that the entire town had turned out in costume and those at home passing out the treats were all decked out in their Halloween finery, as well. This was the stuff of surreal dreams and the beginnings of freakish nightmares...monkey socks...what the fuck?

Sookie took one last picture of the family as the cast from the _Wizard of Oz._ Lafayette was just too gorgeous for words in his ruby slippers. Pam was all pouty in peach and Wallace was indeed pretty in pink. The Grandmas were not to be outdone as they loaded onto the bus as The Munchkins, beer steins in hand, filled with anything but beer. When everyone was loaded into a form of transportation, they started for town.

"My bride," Eric grinned at his green and glowing wife as the twins were in their carriers strapped to his front and Hunter was riding piggy back style on Eric's back. "Shall we take to the sky?"

Sitting astride her broom, Sookie laughed wickedly as she levitated into the air and cackled, *"I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!"

The babies squealed with laughter at their momma as Eric turned his head and kissed Hunter on the cheek and then was up in the air after her.

The King's and Queen's Own checked their monkey wings and then took flight, following the royal family out into the night sky.

Jack, Jill, Bo, and Lamb were experts in their respective, supernatural fields. They arrived in Bon Temps just as the sun was getting ready to set. They were on a mission. They had left their camera crew at home and were just going to do a walk about of Bon Temps. They had all heard the stories. After all, a writer from the _X-Files_ had grown up here and had more than once said that all of those stories were true.

This night, these of the ghost hunter persuasion came in Halloween disguise, searching out on this most unholy and spine-chilling of days, paranormal events.

"I've always wanted to be here on Halloween," Lamb said into the camcorder. "This is my destiny, my fate to be here in the sinister town of Bon Temps to unmask its alarming citizens and free the world from frightening fiends."

"Oh fuck me," Bo hissed as she leaned in and the camera caught her face. "Really, must it be about you all the time?"

"Bitch," he hissed at her.

"Well yes I am, glory hogging bastard," she smiled and winked at him. "Put the glory-hole machine down and pick up the instruments so that we can actually see for ourselves if haunts walk the earthly plane, here."

"Fucking righteous bitch," he glared back.

"Stop it you two," Jack spoke up. "Lamb, just get over the fact that you are your own crew, tonight. And no one is going to see your pretty face in that sheep mask. We are here in disguise. We do not want to be recognized. We want the town and its citizens to be relaxed and go about their business. We shall be discreet. We all know this is the best way to unravel this mystery that is Bon Temps.

This is just a fact. We have always wanted to ghost walk Bon Temps. This is our best opportunity to do so. We have got to make the most of it. Our hours wandering the streets in disguise are very limited so we have got to get moving on this. Turn on your cameras and don't forget to engage the GPS so we will know where the recordings and pictures were taken. Once we download them to the lap top, the computer will pin point it on the map and we can come back and do a site specific follow-up."

Jill pulled on her Monica Lewinsky mask. "Suit up. We want to be the first to get Bon Temps as active with the creepy and crawly so we can get off local cable and actually be carried on a channel someone has heard of.

If you want to get paid for this gig, get your ass in gear. Now, I've set up the camera on the tripod. Let's do the intro and roll on 3, 2, 1..."

All four settled into their familiar spot of the intro.

"It is All Hallow's Eve and we are here in Bon Temps, Louisiana. My name is Jack Hill and I am a psychic."

"My name is Jill Hill and I am a Druid."

"I am Bo Peep, clairvoyant to the unseen."

"And I am Herrs Lamb, warlock, one with nature, one with the universe.

We are here to prove to you that the dead walk among us. That the unnerving live with us. That the paranormal is an everyday event to us. What is spine-chilling to you, our viewers, we see just as a soul to be released from this realm and sent on to their reward. We are the highly skilled and specialized team of _The Unnatural Order_ and we are here for you."

"Cut. Perfect. Now," Jill continued on, "I'm rolling with the sun setting and the moon rising...our first shot of Bon Temps," she said as they finished adjusting last minute nuisances that came with wearing a costume. "And don't forget the fucking trick or treat bags. From what I can see from here, looks like most folks are carrying one.

Damn..." her eyes were pulled to the large orange harvest moon that was peeking out over the horizon. "it looks like the moon is actually choking out the sun't rays. I hope the camera caught that!"

Jack took a step, back. "My gawd, sis, you are right! The moon grew hands and...and...strangled the last bit of sunlight. Fuck...!"

Bo and Lamb stopped their bickering and turned their heads towards the new darkness but it was too late.

"Did not see anything out of the ordinary," Bo said, eyeing the two. "Do not," her voice carried the warning, "start with the eerie bullshit. We have enough sound bites of me screaming from you two setting me up. It is bad enough knowing vamps are real...there has got to be other sinister weirdness out there as well. No need for you to be making shit up."

"Make sure every fucking piece of equipment is up and running," Jill snarked back. "I know what I saw. I'd play it back for you right now but I don't want us all so scared we blow this."

They had parked a couple of blocks off of Main. They had picked a quiet neighborhood that was dressed for Halloween. Jack-o-lanterns lit the porches of the most humble of homes. Cornstalks danced in the evening breeze. Even with the sunset, crows still called in the dark. There were small children coming out of doors with an adult in a costume while someone else passed out the candy as the little voices called out "Trick or Treat!"

"What was that?" Jack asked as there was a howl that floated across the vastness of the star lit night.

"Just a Were Wolf," Lamb scoffed.

"That is so not funny," Bo said as she pointed her night vision binos in the direction of the howl.

While in the small, quiet, neighborhood, they were walking and constantly checking their EMF's, thermometers, and thermal cameras. Jill kept shooting pics with her full spectrum digital camera.

Jill knew what she saw with the moon. If the _X Files_ were true, then this town was a loaded gun of weird. There was howling in the distance and then one seemed to answer back from in town. Well fuck..., she turned with her camera in that direction, just how could this be good? Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the full moon as clouds flitted like bats across it.

That was not possible but yet she knew what she saw with her own eyes! "Flying monkeys across the moon, hundreds of them, " she stuttered under her breath, "following," she gulped, " and escorting what could only be a witch on a broom! Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck...!" she felt the terror grip her heart.

"Just stop it," Bo spit out. "You might have had me with the moon sprouting hands, but now you are just ridiculous. Flying monkeys my ass. These kids have the right idea. Let's get to Main. In my research, I found that they have some old buildings in town. A couple that date from the war when this place was just a mud hole but battles were fought in the area.

Let the wolves howl and the crows call...and the kids caterwaul _Trick or Treat._ We are looking for spooks...something that will put us on the map. We don't need a Disney movie of floating orbs, we need blood and guts and a night of the living dead as Confederates look to take retribution on the North."

Lamb looked up from his EMF and thought about that as he chuckled to himself, "I could certainly narrate over Bo screaming. I have done it before. Hmmm, if I play this right, she just might pee her pants this time. That would be great footage seeing the wet streak on her pants. Time to get started on that.

The Friend Cox House," he said out loud, "dates from the early part of the twentieth century. It started out as a Parlay Parlor. That might be a good place to start. They used to Parlay for blood according to the stories I have heard."

"No fucking kidding," Jack stopped and turned to look at Lamb. "My great-grandma used to tell stories about the Parlay Parlors in New Orleans. When she was a girl, she used to be a maid in an old mansion called _Petit Ami Fortin,_ there on Lafayette Square.

One night, there was a tall, blonde male, good-looking guest that Parlayed until the early morning hours. Granny's job was to empty his ashtray and keep his glass filled with rum. He smoked Havana's, she said. The kind with the real gold, embossed, cigar band on them. He gave her the band every time he took out a new one. He had amassed a fortune in gold, jewels, deeds and folding money. Someone accused him of cheating and this...this...something...appeared in a whirling funnel of lightning and sparks and...well, blood was spattered, everywhere. This guy just went on playing like it happened to him everyday."

"Vampire," Bo said with a sure nod of her head.

"Yes..." Jack was thoughtful. "Granny said a true Parlay Parlor was protected. That she had seen that before. According to the rules, if you lie or cheat when challenged, the dead came calling and consumed you.

She had worked there since she was small and had seen all manner of weirdness and wrong doing. That this was not the first time that they would get a patron drunk so they could beat him at Parlay. Granny kept filling Goodlooking's glass with some high potency rum. Granny said that at some point he giggled.

After that, the lady of the house was all over him, pushing her cleavage up in his face and brushing up against him when they would take a break before they began the next round. Then, towards the end, the man of the house stepped in and wanted to Parlay. It did not end well for him."

"Duel, huh?" Lamb said, "They thought they could set Goodlooking up. After that much to drink, the Mister of the house should be able to beat him at Parlay. If not that, then a duel, kill him all fair and square defending his wife's honor and then just help themselves to his winnings."

"Yes," Jill replied. "Her husband called him out after the last Parlay. He had bet the mansion and his wife, and lost it and everything in it. Pistols were the choice of weapon. Everyone was standing out on the veranda and you could hear the paces being counted off. Great-granny said the crack of the pistols carried the death knell. Then the screams of pain from the wife, started.

The victor carried the screaming and cursing wife slung over his shoulder back inside. He collected his winnings and handed them off to his man and then set fire to the mansion, starting with the top floor where it is known for a fact that he left the wife. Many saw her at the window as the room burned around her. What was that family's name again...Granny said the house was named after them? Petit Ami Fortin...oh, that's right, De Beaufort. Lots of folks say that around the first of the month, if you are standing in Lafayette Square, if you smell smoke, you can still see wisps of flame as Madame De Beaufort roams the block, looking for her home and cursing her daughter, Pamela."

"Did the daughter die in the fire?" Bo asked.

"Ahhh, no," both siblings shook their head.

"She ran away," Jill shook all over, "when she was seventeen. Apparently her folks used her to get them out of some tight money deals."

"Oh ick," Bo hissed.

"Yes," Jill hissed right back. "Apparently they had one Parlay patron that liked them young and blond. Granny said the whole house shuttered when the fifteen-year old daughter was called to watch the game one night. And now Mrs. De Beaufort continues to burn in the flames of her mansion as she roams Lafayette Square, cursing her daughter for leaving them."

"So-o-o-o-o," Jill eyed the group. "What do you think about doing a little walk around **The Friend Cox House**. See if there is anyone or anything that would like to be captured on my nifty, new, full spectrum camera."

Maxine and Hugh sat out in the tiny Egyptian barge on the front lawn and chatted with any and all that came by as they passed out candy. There was indeed, a line for the smallish, mince-meated pies.

Lifting her hand to his lips, Hugh was resplendent with his kisses as he said, "My," he empathized that word with a wink at Maxine, "Queen of the Nile," more than once as the pies were dipped into the Sweet Baby Ray's and made much over as fae came and went and shared or sat and visited.

"Now there is something you do not see every day," Maxine turned to Hugh. "Monica Lewinsky and President Clinton roaming the streets of Bon Temps. I can appreciate no one wearing an Obama mask, especially since my last run on with that President ended in killin', but Billy Clinton and his paramour? I did not realize we were doing tacky retro this year.

I am trying to place who they are. No one of that size comes to mind. They are not locals," she eyed the four as they strolled along, but were headed their way.

"My Sweet," Hugh winked at her, "I do believe that you are correct. I see no monkey socks and smell nothing of fae about them."

"Well, we welcome one and all and we have our tricks and treats at the ready. Just let them come on."

"Let's turn up this block," Jill said, "take the alley. We should be able to walk past the back of the house and start shooting, there. I see the owner's sitting out front. This gives us time to get as much film footage as we want. As long as we do not step onto their land, we are not trespassing."

"Most odd," Hugh remarked when the four turned up 2nd. "There are not houses for Trick or Treating that way and those businesses are closed."

"Clock, my darlin' girl," Maxine stroked her little dragon on the nose that was resting around her wrist. "Would you be so kind as to see just what is goin' on?"

"Of course Mother Berry," she smiled with delight. "I shall soon return."

Clock went to stealth mode. Without disturbing the air currents, she was gliding along, listening to their conversation. Popping back in, she was now standing on Mother Berry's lap.

"Their names are Jack, Jill, Bo and Lamb. They are talking about Parlay houses. They are in the back, in the alley, taking pictures, hoping to take a picture of the unseemly," Clock said with the raise of an eyebrow. "I am not sure what that is."

"Oh lordy," Maxine sighed. "They are four wanna be ghost hunters out of Shreveport. They have a little studio in someone's garage where they show Halloween masks and listen to electrical static on their ghost box. Hugh," she sadly shook her head, "if we scare them, they will continue to come back, if we don't scare them, they will continue to come back. I would invite them in to run their electronics, but the grandbabies have not yet been by and I don't want to miss them."

"Oh my Queen of the Nile," Hugh brought her hand to his heart. "This shall not happen. We shall both be in attendance when the grandbabies come by. I have the camera at the ready."

"I know what has to be done," she sighed. "The unseemly. Hugh, do not try and stop me. I know that you think that I am beautiful, but believe me, to these twenty-somethin's, I am not."

"My bride," he began in protest.

"I know that you love me and that is all that counts. And if my fat ass ends up on YouTube for the rest of days, then so be it. But I treasure our privacy on our little balcony so I am gonna go take care of this. You just sit here, I'll be back in two shakes of Lamb's tale of woe."

"There is movement inside the house. And it has heat, it is registering with my camera," Jill's voice held a nervous but happy edge.

"It's big, whatever it is," Lamb responded, "and it is coming this way."

"There is no place in the alley to hide, unless we get behind the garage, but then we won't be able to see," Jack said, tracking his instruments.

They all head the door open and then a white specter stepped down out onto the small porch and started down the steps carrying the trash.

"Evenin'," Maxine called out and waved at them as she opened the lid on the garbage can, in went the trash and the lid went back on. "Happy Halloween," she called as she went back inside.

"Oh fuck," Jack put his bino's down. "She was nude."

"Awww shit," Lamb gagged, "ohhh man, old and nude. I think the retinas in my eyes have been etched forever with that...that..."

Jill eyed the two men. "She's naked. It's her yard. It's dark back here and we are running infrared and thermals. I just Googled **The Friend Cox House.** It is owned by a lawyer. Any spooks in there and he is charging them by the hour. If the lawyer thinks we are taking girly shots of his wife on their property with spy stuff, we could be in some deep shit. Let's haul ass before she calls the cops and then delete, delete, delete. I have not yet even begun to pay off my college loans. I'd hate to be working to pay him for the rest of my life."

Maxine put her Queen of the Nile dress back on and went to sit back out front with Hugh.

"Please don't be angry," she smiled at him.

"My bride," he bit back on his pride. "They gazed on your lovely self and then got the perfect view of your magnificent ass as it went up the steps," he pouted.

"Later tonight," she winked at him, "I'll do it for you," she smiled, "if you want to watch from the alley."

Hugh had a great big burning and yearning deep down inside of him as he snuggled in closer to his Mrs. and started counting down to _later_. He put his arm around her as the next batch of Trick or Treaters headed their way. "Never was a man so blessed," he kissed her cheek as they both called out "Happy Halloween" to a troop of flying monkeys that was coming in for a landing.

In the town square sat the merry-go-round. Or perhaps the correct wording would be the _Resplendent Carousel_! It was a new feature and Smilwoth was the official proud owner and operator of one of the most whimsical and noteworthy menageries of all time. The Fae Realm was represented by wooden carvings and then painted life-like-true-to-form colors on the replicas.

Dragons flew and belched fire and smoke and mermaids swam and spewed fountains of water from their mouths. Unicorns were majestic and could be rode bare-back with only a nudge of your thighs to direct them, while the Sookie Hawk soared up and down on the pole.

This place of wonder and a dime ride, was where the great and good honorable Grandmas were headed.

After unloading from the bus, the Grandmas had stopped to call "Trick or Drink" at certain establishments as they made their way to the town square. Fortified against the cold and any haunts that thought to be out tonight, they happily made their way to the merry-go-round, each one depositing a dime into Smilwoth's hand. With a flourishing bow and a hand kiss, he helped each lady to mount their stead and then the music started..._Liszt's 2nd Hugarian Rhapsody._

Bill was so scared he was shaking, visibly. Not ever was that a safe thing to do when you were a resident of Hell. They loved fear...ate it, licked it off of you and then ate you, accordingly. Like the bottom dwellers they were and imitated, they started with the soft, fleshy parts.

"Concentrate," he kept repeating to himself as lecherous faces gloated and eyed him gleefully. With a tremor in his voice, Bill began his newest spell. **"Eric Northman is a butt monkey supreme, from Eric Northman, Sookie, from him I shall glean, And all the king's horses and all the king's men shall ride Eric Northman again and again."

Gently the light began to pull on him. With relief he felt himself begin to drift upward. This time, he believed that this time, he would walk away from all this and once more rule the night.

Liszt, someone was playing Liszt. How refreshing to hear sweet, pure music instead of the constant screeching and screaming that was constantly assaulting his ears and pounding inside his head. That awful noise that vibrated through every part of his body, causing his cells to sizzle and in turn, to shriek at him for his body being used so foully.

There were several other notable and noticeable agreeable changes. The air became cleaner, the heat less, and the oppressive feeling of damnation gave way to something a little more serviceable and charitable...like maybe hope was a fuel that he could use to get himself re-instated back to the topside since Sookie would so gladly sacrifice herself for him.

The music continued to lull him to blissfulness. To cheer his aching heart and sooth his pierced soul. Liszt would from this moment on would be his savior, his mantra, the song in his heart. When he ruled the night, and then the world, this song would be held and cherished and played every evening upon his rising to greet the new dark.

Looking upward, it was like seeing through a smoked piece of glass. He could see, why, he could see the outline of a carousel! He had ridden one of the first ones to be installed on Coney Island. That had been a magical night. The movement of the horses, the up and down motion reminding him of the fierce orgy of fucking they had done upon rising and the feeding frenzy with Lorena that had followed. Feeling the gentle tugging on him turn into something a little more insistent, he knew he had to be close.

You just had to love opening a Fairy Portal, why, you could wind up in the smack-dab middle of a bunch of fairies.

"You smell that?" Grandma Esther said.

"Shhh-ewww!" Grandma Sara curled her nose and looked around. "Where is that smell comin' from?"

Esther was working her nose. "Smilwoth," she motioned for him to come over, "that smell coming from the Carousel? The gears, or somethin'? That sure does smell like rotten eggs and somethin' dead all rolled into one."

"No, most honored Grandmother," he shook his head. "This is not of my doing. This..."

The air on the carousel begin to shimmer.

"Fae portal opening," they all said together.

Smilwoth raised his hand and the magnificent beasts stopped as all the grandmas hopped off and were staring intently at where the air now appeared to be the sheerest and there stood the form of a man.

OI's ear's twitched at that moment but he knew he was too late!

"Compton!" all the grandmas yelled, and then "Sic'm!" as the fledglings on their arms rose up and spit dragon fire that cut through the last of the portal before Bill had a chance to step out. Then the little ones were airborne, screeching in on Mach 5 air currents and blasting the cursed cocksucker, calling on the strength of all the dragons in the realm to fuel their fires!

The dragons linked minds and as one, they channeled all that they were to the small ones who held fast and true! Then, a riot ignited in The Bond! The fledglings were trumpeting their victory before the first of the fae could pop in!

Liam was shaking his head and wondering about the wrongness of it all. "Fuck...a...duck..." he said to Clayton. "Fledglings. And just not anyone's children, but OI's. We shall never hear the end of this. Because of his child, ZZ, OI has guardianship of Oberon. His son Wallace is married to Princess Pamela and carries his heir. OI is making sure that his reign continues. Do not think for one moment that Mer'lyn's and Princess Tin's daughter will not be wedded to one of his. And now this. The Cursed Cocksucker has been sent back into the darkness of his own foulness by OI's youngest of the young. Fuck a duck...I do so understand what the oldest child means by that."

Clayton was chuckling as his friend finally caught his breath. Breaking his Kit-Kat bar in two, he offered Liam a piece. "Feel better?" he chuckled.

"Sadly, yes," Liam sighed and then laughed. "Not even Old Smilwoth was able to get in on the kill. And he was standing right there."

"You bet on Smilwoth?" Clayton asked with a huge grin.

"Yesssss," he sighed. "But only with the Princess Pamela. I am going to be standing in for Wallace in my down time for the next bit and a bit. This is something I can actually work off. As opposed to owing OI who just carries your fucking marker, forever."

Miss Dorothy and her Toto were strolling along and collecting Tricks or Treats and Tricks or Drinks, accordingly. Lafayette was sharing whatever was put in his bag or in his glass with his bonded. "My little mans," Lafayette kissed the little dog on the nose that was draped across his shoulders. "Yous babies are just likes you. A powerful forces of natures to be reckoned, withs."

"My big mans," he smiled at his bonded, "they did a finenesses job of representin's The Realm and the Wind Riders this fine and blessed Halloween Evenin's."

"Yes, that is some righteous prides you gots in your family. But yous is mighty pleased 'bouts somethin' or another's."

Hearing his name called out followed by "Happy Halloween", Lafayette looked across the street. "Happy Halloween Princess Tin and her fine husband!" he called back.

Lafayette made contact with the purple eyes that were watching the couple across the street. "Oh, I sees, says his Ruby Reds La La-ness. You gots a boy child in minds for that sweet baby Sofia that Princess Tin is nuturin' insides her body? Mmmhmmm, don't yous be tryin's to fools me none."

OI cleared his throat. "Sweet Sofia's daddy is a true forces of natures, my big mans. This is gonna takes some times and some finenesses and some sweet, sweet, talkin. Mer'lyn's been so long humans, he can magics pure and true as human or dragon. Makes him potent and strong and potent. The Wind Riders has never seens such as him.

As human, his magics is more than mine. More than any dragon's in The Realm. Dragon wants to challenge him, Mer'lyn could decides the challenge to be as human to human as would be his right and he would smoke your fine ass and all your parts.

Mmmmhmmm, this baby girl's daddy...his word is law when it comes to his baby girl. You thinks to challenge him for the privilege of marryin' his baby, you will be his trophy and from you's skin he will make his wife and child a dragon's cape.

And I knows there will be one or twoish who will not heed my fair and fine warnings. They will challenge, Mer'lyn will pick the weapon which will be human. And thens they is just fucked...on a stick...like at the fine and goods street fair as a tasty treat. 'Cause you will nots defeats him as human. So yous best have another plan."

"You gots the son for her already in minds," Lafayette chuckled.

The little dog laughed, heartily. "Woulds not be OI, King of the Dragons if'n I dids not."

"Good times," Lafayette smiled as he watched his Tin Man chatting away with Doc Brenda as they trick and treated their way through town. Good times!


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Readers, I did not post chapter 4 to FF...sorry...it was included on the FP site. Thanks to Miss Lori P. for pointing out the obvious...Merry Christmas...CES

...poetry and justice..."

Preemptive Strike: True Blood, Season Five, The Hell Mouth Opens- Chapter 107 "...poetry and justice..."

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended**_**.**_** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

"**...poetry and justice..." Chapter 5**

I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.

Bill's body was on fire. Flames licked all over him, consuming him as he screamed in outrage and pain. This fire was not like what he had encountered anywhere else. This...this was pain that not even Satan had inflicted upon him!

His lungs had been seared but that did not stop the screams. Parts of his body had melted, away, as the wind currents continued to feed the flames as he fell back into Hell. With the force of a comet he struck the bottom of Hell as he skidded along, his open mouth, now the receptacle of everything unholy that was refuse on the floors of The Pit.

"Let him burn himself out," Bill heard her voice. "It is just not anyone who can start a fire on the spirit." Laughter erupted from those standing around her throne.

"William T. Compton," she chuckled, "court jester and cursed, even by worse standards than those of us here in Hell. Just who did you manage to piss off, besides me, of course? Some type of angelic?"

Nothing he said could be understood. His silent screams still reverberated off the walls. She thought maybe he managed to get out "no one," but he was a little difficult to understand. Besides she had checked his file. _Liar_ was at the top of the list. And if _no one_ had started _that fire_, she would hate to see _the some_one that could.

"Oh now," she watched as the last flame went out and his misery did not lessen. "Do not lie to me. I know unsheathed fire when I see it. I was not blessed with such a flame," and all around her snickered. When she frowned in disapproval, the laughing stopped. "Mine is just a bit different. But this, this..." she shrugged her shoulders, "this is poetry and justice. This is real wrath of God burning. The kind that was called down on Sodom and Gomorrah."

Slyyth, standing next to her let out a low sigh. "Good times," he smiled at Bill. "**S **and **G** were the very best of times. There was no debauchery to perverted and no pleasure left unexplored. Pain, on a massive scale was a way of life for those fortunate humans we called our own. We gloried in it! Miss those days," he said with a sigh.

"There was a lot of fun to be had," Satan nodded her head in agreement. "And Bill, from the looks of you, I hope you had just a little bit of fun before you ran into that...that...just what did do that to you?" You could hear the curiosity in her voice.

All he could do was moan as the filth inside his mouth came alive and began gnawing on what was left of his tongue.

"He's stopped flaming," Satan mused. "Pick him up and shake that shit out of his mouth. I want some answers."

There were several minions in attendance that were much taller than Bill. With glee, Bill was picked up by his ankles, dangled, and shook, repeatedly, bouncing his head off the floor just to make sure it was all rattled loose. His screams of agony could be heard once things began falling out of his mouth.

"Dragons," he was finally able to make himself understood as he twitched and moaned.

Nodding her head at the two that held him up, he was then slammed back onto the floor.

"What size?" Satan asked.

"Small," he was able to gasp out.

"Crabby," she addressed the small demon that was picking the dead skin off of her and eating it. "Do you remember small dragons?"

"Yes, of course," he stopped his munching. "Yes, at the beginning, before the humans, there were dragons. Yes, most assuredly. Different sizes and shapes and purposes, but yes, small dragons.

That burn, that smell, that disgusting odor of _the light_," he chuckled, "that gags even us here in the depths of the pit. Yes, dragons. This one has been flambéed by dragons. Notice the sweet, abiding, loathsome, stench. Several of the old ones, here, that thought to consume a dragon back in the day, still carry that smell. That was a hard lesson for them to learn, to leave those fire breathing beasties alone."

"Feed him," she said and then she kicked him, crushing in one side of his body and then she stomped on his back, collapsing him flat. "Then we shall talk."

.

Everyone knew when _the family_ landed in town. There were flying monkeys, everywhere, all with tricks or treats bags. The cutest of the flying monkeys were also the smallest and there was a five year old and two that were three months and a bit.

"Daddy," Hunter clapped his hands, "just look at that merry-go-round! May we ride?"

"Of course, my son," Eric squatted down and Hunter slid down off of his daddy's back.

"I want to ride a Sookie hawk," Hunter shouted with glee over his shoulder as he went racing toward Silwoth. His mirth caused everyone around him to chuckle. He slowed down when he got to Silwoth, but his eyes were still on the Sookie hawks that looked like they were alive.

"I've got the dimes for my family," Hunter said proudly as he pulled the money from his pocket. "I have five. That means fifty pennies or ten nickels. And there are five of us ridin' so that is five dimes."

"Prince Hunter," the old fae smiled at him as Hunter counted out the money into the open palm. "Your math skills are exceptional. You are learning most excellent things in kindergarten."

"Yes sir," Hunter grinned. "I miss my Aunt Sissy but Miss Mitchell is just the best, too. We are learning to count by fives and I can count all the way to one-hundred by ones and fives."

"Most excellent, my young prince. And I can see by your tricks or treats bag that you have had an exceptional evening."

"Yes sir. Grandma Berry had little tiny coconut custard pies. M-m-m, that sure was good. And Grandpa Hugh gave everyone a cup of hot chocolate. And when we stopped by the book store, the sisters had lemon cupcakes!" his eyes were wide with wonder. "With a lemon cream cheese filling, my La La said, with a strawberry on top!" Patting his tummy he grinned. "And we all got a book wrapped in Halloween paper. Momma says I can open it when we get home and have it for a bed time story."

"A most excellent tricks or treats, my Prince. Here come your parents. Pick out the Sookie hawk you wish to ride and if you need help getting onto one, just ask."

It was All Hallow's Eve in Bon Temps and it was just as spook-tac-u-lar as it wanted to be! Lance eyed the family coming down the street. There was no mistaking the Foggs family. Lacy had wanted to come as a family of mere-maids. Every blessed one of them was wearing some type of tiara. Even E.H. You could see the flash and sparkle from here! Their costumes with beads and sequins would put Vegas to shame. Damn, you could light the entire town with the brilliance that was dancing off of them.

"Evenin'," Lance smiled as the family approached. "Miss Lucy, my Mrs. is in the book store, having another cupcake. Apparently Thunder Jack likes lemon," his grin covered his face.

"Oh-h-h-h," little eyes got big. "Down Daddy, pease, upcake!" Lady Bug gave him a kiss. E.H. put L. B. down and watched his family as they all went trooping in shouting "Trick or Treat" as they entered the store.

E.H. smiled at Lance as he shifted Lulabell in his arms. "Having a good night are we?" E.H. thought he had never seen a Were look so happy!

Lance was bursting at the seams! "The wife is craving anything lemon. Some nights she gets my old Were ass out of bed and I fix her a cast iron skillet baby cake and dust it with powdered sugar and a fresh squeezed lemon. Damn, I love being pregnant!" Lance added with gusto while he was watching the Were standing next to him. Body language was everything. That grin E.H. was sporting was going to crack his face wide open. So, it was true.

Lance knew the joy that this Were felt. "Rumor mill has it that Miss Lucy is expecting."

There was a tremor that went through E.H.'s body. His joy could not be contained! "Yes," he smiled. "I have got four gorgeous kids. We are going to be having one more around or about the end of May."

"Congratulations are in order!" Lance slapped him on the back. "You picking up anything about this one?" Lance asked.

"Not trying," E.H. said. "I do not care about the sex. I do not care if the baby shifts. I just want healthy and as many babies as my lovely wife will grace me with."

Lance nodded in agreement. "We saw Doc Brenda this morning. Guinn is doing just fine. So is the baby. Any day now..." and his voice trailed off as he wiped at his eyes. "Damn, at times, I swear...," he chuckled. "You would think I was a pregnant female the way I get so emotional about this boy. Guinn just looks at me and says she is the one that should be crying. Fifty and having a baby. Just what the fuck am I boo-hooing about? Then she throws something at me. I duck and she misses. She has a good arm. She does not throw like a girl, at all. Almost got me the other day."

"You, ahhh, convince her to have another one?" E.H. asked.

"Fuck, this is not like you and Lucy. Lucy can bless you with one or two more before she tells you to just jerk off quietly on your side of the bed and not wake her up while you are doing so."

E.H. raised an eyebrow.

Lance shrugged. "I still don't know if that is a yes or a no to that question. I bring up another baby and she tells me I have had decades of practice of taking care of myself and just because I am married not to stop now...continue to jerk off, just don't wake her up. I am taking that as a sign. I am just believing that since she has not said no that Thunder Jack will not be an only child. "

E.H. laughed. "I saw Tin and Em. Speaking of any day now..."

"M-m-m h-m-m," Lance chuckled. "Princess Tin has laid down the law to Em. She still has maybe another week, maybe, to go...dragons take a bit longer to gestate. But as soon as Sofia is born, Em had best be on his game and give her another baby. She just gets down right scary when Em says maybe they should wait a year and a bit. She is not having any of his bullshit. She says she dreams every night of nursing both her baby daughter and her infant son at the same time."

E.H. replied thoughtfully. "If Tin is dreaming this every night, that sounds like a sign."

"Yes," the Were nodded respectfully. "And it's more than that," Lance replied. "From dragon lore comes the stuff of our human legends. You think the thunder gods and their tales of power and greatness are something," he shook his head. "They do not even come close. From the beginning of time the dragons tell of a sister and brother very close in age, the likes of which the dragon realm has never before seen. She will rule the dragons, her brother will always have her back.

Mab and Oberon," he grimaced. "They tried to distort the dragon lore. Those two fuckers tried to apply those legends to themselves. Some fae believed, some did not, the dragons were just beyond pissed... When that did not work for them, Mab pretended to have her brother killed and then she just used brutality to forge her way into their dragon histories." Both men locked eyes and shook their heads. "The war in fae would still be raging if not for Eric and Sookie," Lance added quietly. "And would have eventually spread to here. Can you imagine a pissed off OI and his brethren gracing our skies...?"

"Oh fuck..." E.H. mumbled under his breath as he got the visual. "Glad that did not happen." Both men nodded in agreement. "So, these legends apply to Em's line..." E.H. let that thought trail off.

"Yes. Sexton has been consulted and she reads the same thing. There has been a new dragon clan named in the Realm of the Cold and Blue Moons. A daughter will be born first. The runes say Tin is her mother. This girl child that Tin is carrying is blessed and will be a blessing to the wind riders. Since Sofia has been conceived, Em says that all the dragons can feel the hum in the bond and that she is even now, subtly changing them. Making them stronger, faster...and...and a bit more human.

And Em is scared..." Lance softly said. "His daughter and his son are going to fulfill their sacred dragon texts and redefine dragon. He says he can not imagine how from his dragon bones this is going to happen.

And Princess Tin...well just fuck..." Lance chuckled. "My baby sister really is all that. She is descended from old fae. That tattooing she does that comes alive. When the old fae worked their magic here, that is how they would heal things. Just sketch and color it in and it would go back to being whole. Em is fucked," he laughed. "Their house is going to be baby central. And OI is doing the happy dance. All dragons will tell you that they are direct descendants of the original fae. Up until now, that may have been just some very wishful thinking and creative dragon bullshit. But now...no bullshit to this, they really are going to be descended from the original fae through Princess Tin. Em is just terrified. And rightly so."

"I am missing something..." E.H. said.

"My boy, he never studied," Lance chuckled. "Not as a human. Not as a dragon, not as a dragon in a human body, not as a dragon locked inside a human body for a millennia as he pranced around as Mer'lyn. He has bullshitted his way through the centuries.

And you know how the dragons are about keeping their histories," he snorted. "Either Em is going to be remembered as being very, very good at this father to their Queen business or he sucked the big ugly one and she is magnificent in spite of him."

"So, if that is not pressure enough, Tin is calling him on his shit, huh," E.H. chuckled.

"You bet she is," Lance laughed out loud. "And he is scared shitless. Well, except of course, for tonight. Some of his shit is actually required."

"What?" E.H. quizzed him.

"You heard this morning about Compton and how he wronged Miss Sookie..." E.H. nodded yes. "I know you had to get back but you should have stayed just a bit longer. Tonight the veil is thin and Billy-boy is slithering up out of Hell through something round and water or round and fae-ish. He has already been pissed on by Hugh in a garden hose and then the Grandmas' fledglings blasted him with fire as he tried to come up through the merry-go-round. Em is shitting a nice round, steamy pile out it in the woods, tonight. Compton will be very blessed," Lance managed to say with a straight face.

"Ah, poetry and justice." E.H. was laughing so hard he got out a little howl. Lulabell tilted back her head and howled along with him. With a lot of pride and love he kissed his baby girl on the cheek. "I love living in The Realm," E.H. managed to choke out.

Lance laughed along with him and then looked over at the bookstore door when he heard his name being called. "Lance, come on," Lucy called and waved. "Get here. Guinn's water just broke. Call Doc Brenda. Thunder Jack is on his way! E.H., come on. We may need you."

Doc Brenda, it appears, was just a little bit busy. It seems Princess Tin went into active labor at about the same time. The Clinic was the newest party place to be!

Both women were in the birthing room at the clinic. E.H. was keeping a careful eye on Guinn. Doc Brenda was dividing her time equally, but no one was real sure just how fast Tin was going to deliver Sofia so she kept drifting back there.

Someone had popped Jesus in who had positioned himself between Guinn's legs so that he could see when the baby would crown. All of them could hear Lafayette and the family out in the waiting room as he and OI popped open champagne bottles and toasts were being offered up to the newest of the new before they had taken their first breath.

Tin was breathing in through her nose and pushing the air out through her mouth. Between each breath, she would pause and call Em a cock-sucking dragon.

Guinn was breathing in through her nose and pushing the air out through her mouth and was calling Lance a cock-sucking Were. Apparently, she did not feel the need to pause to express her opinion of her husband between each new cleansing breath.

The first couple of days the new daddies would bask in the glow of "Just look at what I have done!" and strut their stuff and crow. But if they ever wanted to have sex, again...they would pick up the slack, fix meals, rub the wife's feet and walk the baby at night or any other time Momma wanted a break. Yes, he had this all figured out and wired seven ways to Sunday, he congratulated himself. Lucy was pregnant and he knew how to cook, get the kids to school, check homework, get them into bed on time, and walk Lullabell at night. Fuck, he was a sixty-five year old Were. He was born to do this.

.

Sofia was born at 8:07. Thunder Jack took his first breath at the same time.

Before nine o'clock the babies had been brought out and made much of. Toasts to them were still ringing through the air.

When the daddies had returned the babies to the mommas, quiet settled back into the clinic as empty bottles were picked up and carried out and the world settled back into a natural rhythm.

It was time to move the party out to Eric's and Sookie's. It was time for Compton...it was time for some very good times...!

The two proud fathers were sitting in chairs next to the mommas as they held the baby that was now theirs for the rest of their days. "Only one thing left to do," Lance looked at Em.

"The time has come," Em replied.

Lance gave the baby back to Guinn and then lightly tongued her a kiss.

Em nestled Sofia into Tin's arms and then ran his tongue across her bottom lip.

They both walked out into the lobby where they found a bottle of champagne waiting on them along with two Smithwick's.

Eyeing the bottle of champagne, they both shook their heads and then picked up a beer.

"To Thunder Jack," Em said as he raised his bottle.

"To Princess Sofia," Lance responded as he lifted his bottle and they clinked them together. Raising the bottle to their lips, both took a long, deep, pull and the bottles were empty. Em held both bottles in his hands and then blew out a very small blue dragon flame. As the two bottles melted together, Em formed the molten glass into two hearts. "A paper weight for you and one for me," he smiled as they cooled. "We'll get one of the fairy gods to etch something into it when we have their name-giving."

"But in the mean time..." Lance grinned.

"Yes," Em chuckled, "in the mean time, time to tell the world that our children have arrived."

Going outside, Lance faced the moon and roared his pride at the orange glow in the sky that had often mocked him. But not anymore! Never again! He kept howling until he could hear the echo of a thousand voices reverberating on the air. All congratulating him and welcoming the newest member of the pack!

Lance chuckled with delight as he made a grand sweeping bow toward his friend, his alter-ego, his companion that had kept him safe and sane and had more than once driven him to the brink of insanity. They would be brothers to the end of time...and then forever after that.

Bowing his head in return, Em shifted to dragon and was hovering about the tree line as he trumpeted a call to his dragon clan that the house of Emr'rys still stood and welcomed the newest daughter that would bring honor and mercy to his mother's name.

Lance thought he was ready for this, for the dragon's call, but nothing could disguise the clean, pure note from Em that caused the very stars in the sky to shine brighter. Where ever there was a dragon, the note was harmonized and stars began to shoot across the night sky as the heavens lit up in a blaze of glory and then exploded as star dust fell gently to earth.

When quiet once more ruled the night, Em put his arm around Lance and they started back toward the clinic. "We have never spoken of this," Em's words were a whisper that moved the still falling star dust. "Sofia, she is destined for more than I shall ever be, just as she is destined to marry your son."

"I know," Lance responded. "They shall continue they path that you and I begun."

"Know this," Em's eyes sought out Lances. "Your boy ever gets out of line with my daughter, I will skin him alive and nail his sorry hide out by the front gate as a warning to any other male who thinks to trespass where they should not."

"Noted," Lance replied. "I would expect no less."

"Good talk," Em said as he opened the door for them to go inside.

"Good talk," Lance replied as they both grinned at the path that now lay stretched out before them.

.

"I am never coming back here," Bo said for the nth time. "This place gives me the creeps. Especially all these monkey socks. What the fuck?"

"And that woman coming outside nude," Jack shuddered.

"And yet," Bo's voice was hushed, on the verge of hysteria, " she did have on monkey socks."

"Oh man," Lamb shook all over. "If she is the trophy wife, I am fucking glad I am not a lawyer."

"Stop it," Jill snipped at them. "So, tonight has not turned out like we wanted. We still have some time. Everyone seems to be headed to the merry-go-round. That will give us some time to do some serious snooping. Get some pictures of that old hotel. If nothing else, maybe we'll just get the lay of the land, wait until everyone goes to bed, watch for the locals on patrol and then add a few ghostly lights of our own. I am ready to break out of Shreveport. We have the technology to make this happen."

"You mean fake shit?" Jack regarded his sister.

"Hey look, this is Bon fucking Temps. Yes, I mean fake shit. What do we care. We will make our bones with this town and then not look back. I say we fuck with this place and let the Area 51, wack-o tourists set up camp, here. If there are no spooks that wish to show themselves to us, then let the alien encounters start calling this place home.

Do you fuckers here that," she snarled out into the night sky. "You fucking spooks had better show yourself right now, or your precious town is going to have an influx of real crazies of the Mother Ship, type. You can kiss your small town charm and quiet, good-bye."

Chester wiggled his eyebrows at Wallace. It was game on!

When the howling started throughout town, there was snarling and rustling in the bushes next to them which caused all of them to back pedal away from the shrubbery. The wind began to screech as four small, Barbie doll size tornadoes formed with faces that spit blue ball lightning out at them. The mighty ghost hunters from Shreveport took off running for their car!

Bo, crying that none of this was funny and she just might have shit her pants!

Lamb was not going to stop long enough to take a picture of what was running down her leg or was chasing him! He was running for his life! He had been struck by that ball of blue lightning and it had cut right through him...causing his testicles to draw back up into his body!

Once the howling had stopped, the nightmare had started! Something so horrific filled the night sky above her that Jill thought she had been possessed. All she could do as she ran was stammer, "I do believe in ghosts...!"

Jack was the first one to the car. Fumbling with his keys, he was finally in and hit the lock, started the car and took off.

.

The neighborhood was all standing out on their porches as they listened to the tires squeal down the road as the man behind the wheel was screaming in panic. Nothing to be done now except to make the phone call. Grandma Crofter went inside and picked up her old black rotary phone.

"Officer Stackhouse," she heard the comforting words on the other end of the line.

"Jason, this here is Grandma Sybil, ya'll need to bring yourself on out here. I got three out of towners all caught up in my spider webs out in my yard. This is the third time this month. I'm glad I got those on sale and did not pay full price. There just might not be much of them left. Looks like you might have to cut them out of them the way it is.

And the way they are a'goin' at each other, last time I heard that much cussin' was when those nice FBI folks were leavin' town. These three are caterwaulin' and carrin' on, I'm afraid they are gonna' have themselves a heart attack. I've already been out once and poked them with my broom, trying to talk some sense into them, even offering them a popcorn ball, but that just made them scream louder. Can you send a squad car on out here? I've got the grandbabies who are gonna' be back this way soonest."

"Will do, Grandma Sybil, I am on my way."

"Oh, and Jason, just be prepared. They have all shit themselves. I could smell it."

"Bio hazard, got that," Jason sighed. "I'll have Andy drive me over and I'll walk them back. Thanks for the heads up. And Grandma Sybil, you got any of those popcorn balls left? You always did make the best ones in town."

"I got one here with your name on it Jason. You just come on."

"We'll be right there," he said with genuine delight.

Jason hung up and rolled his eyes. "Good times," he rolled them again. "We are here to protect and serve...even those out of towners that need to be someplace else when they go lookin' for good times.

Clean up on aisle six..." Jason said out into the room.

"Who?" Andy asked.

"Grandma Berry said earlier that those ghost hunters out of Shreveport were here, lookin' for a story. They were out in their alley and she outed them and sent them on their way. Sounds like it could be them."

"Did I hear bio-hazard?" Kendra rolled her eyes.

"Yes, ma'am," Jason said with all sincerity. "If you'll hook up the hose out back, we'll just have them strip down, hose'm down then bring'm inside to dry off and get dressed. Andy, if you will drive me over and I'll walk them back."

"Buyin' things at the thrift store has worked out real well," Kevin stood up and went over to the locker. "This is what, third time this month we've had bio-hazard ghost hunters."

"We need to move this along," Jason said as he stood up and grabbed his hand sanitizer. "Kiddos will be comin' home once the merry-go-round shuts down at nine-thirty. We got to get these folks out of Grandma Sybil's spider webs before her grandbabies come home. I could hear them yellin' and cussin' over the phone and someone was sobbing about never again are they doin' Jack shit and callin' all sorts of other foul names. Can't have the babies that live on that street hearin' that kind of nasty talk..."

"Jason, would you ask Grandma Sybil for a popcorn ball for me, too, please," Kevin asked as he rummaged around getting out towels. "When I saw her at the store buying popcorn yesterday, she told me if I had time to stop on by and get one. She'd put my name on it."

"She does make a fierce popcorn ball," Andy sighed. "Damn, I loved trick or treating at her house when I was a boy. Glad we are headed there now. Those were some good times..."

**Dutch Baby Pancake, Cast Iron Skillet Pancake...any name and it is still delicious.**

Preheat oven and your 10-12 inch cast iron skillet to 425 degrees F (You could use any heat proof dish similar in size and shape as long as it does not have plastic handles.

In a bowl whisk:

1 cup milk

1 cup flour (bleached, unbleached, etc...just as long as it is not self rising)

3 large eggs

2 TBs sugar

1 tsp vanilla

1/8 tsp salt

(You can also add in a pinch of cinnamon and nutmeg if you want to top with some type of sautéed apple. For a savory, perhaps some fresh ground pepper and some finely minced onion and parsley mixed into the batter.)

Remove skillet from oven and coat the bottom and sides, thoroughly, with either butter (about 2 TB's, should melt on contact), Crisco or Pam. ( I just pick up a stick of butter and start going over the hot surface.)

Pour into skillet and bake for about 12 minutes or puffy and golden brown. I just serve this right out of the pan. And oh, that is one pan per person around here. LOL. If the pan is greased properly, it will slide out, somewhat like a crepe. (If it is not greased properly, it is going to stick. Just say'n...) This is yummy topped with sweet: (fresh fruit, honey, yogurt, pie filling... or savory: sautéed vegetables, gravy, or some tasty left over in the fridge.

Of course, _just some powdered sugar sprinkled on top and some fresh squeezed lemon is a tasty thing as well. That is my favorite._

_On to the holiday days and Holy Days!_

_Merry Christmas and the happiest of New Years!_

_CES _


	6. Chapter 6

Preemptive Strike: The Hell Mouth Opens- Chapter 6 "**_...my fine Southern Ease..."_**

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended**_**.**_** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

**I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.**

**#6 ...my fine Southern Ease...**

The tortured spirit that was Bill Compton was curled up under the throne of Satan. She had given him permission to pull his meal under her seat so that he would not be set upon by any of the lessers before he had regained any strength.

In his early years as vampire, he had learned how to quickly drain the body. There was no finesse or really joy to be had in such of way of having your luscious meal. A fast slurp and burp left you with something akin to brain freeze. Sadly, he had followed in the path of his maker. She was all about the frenzied rut and gore. After being vampire for several decades, once he had shed himself of her, he had developed his own personal style. His momma had raised him to be a fine Southern gentleman; there was no reason that he should not embrace that style of living as vampire. At his core, landed-gentry was who he was. Manners, decorum, a certain way of doing things that spoke of breeding and money...the perversion that Lorena wanted him to be was something he could not abide. He was blessed with fine Southern Ease.

"I wish I had more time," he said to the almost empty husk that did not have the strength to any longer fight him off. "You have been most delightful. I admire you for this gift of life that you have given me." Tenderly he pushed the hair from her face as he smiled so graciously at her. "I am most grateful," he kissed her lightly on the lips, then the forehead.

"I know this is our first encounter, I do so hope that it is not our last," he smiled at her. "And perhaps I have taken liberties that I should not have. Please know, I am a gentleman and not this monster. I want you to know how grateful I am. Another time and place and I would enjoy being your escort. I would have been proud to be seen with you on my arm, defending your honor.

But I have some unfinished business of matters of the heart. Sadly, I have been away from home for some time and these yearnings in me must be addressed.

May I, perhaps," he kissed along her jaw line, "call on you, again?"

"You are just fucking crazy," the voice sobbed as he pulled her wrist to his mouth and bit down.

"I know," Bill reassured her, as he licked his lips, not wanting any of her energy to escape. Her eyes screamed every obscene word she knew at him that she no longer had the strength to vocalize. "I am sorry it must be like this," he stroked her face. "But I must be able to open the door to the portal." What life there was in her eyes became less until there was only a shriveled, depleted skin that made a puddle on the floor and two lifeless eyes that stared back at him.

"I am going to survive this," he pulled down the eyelids so that hideousness could not accuse him. "Yes I am," he allowed himself to relax and feel her fury fill him as he made her energy his own. "I will get past this ugliness and you now reside inside of me so my victory shall be yours as well. And no matter how morally repulsive this is," he whispered to her, "it is essential to my Sookie's well being.

My Sookie," he sobbed, "I fear for her. And I must be away to her side. She misses my fine Southern Ease."

.

Silwoth was having a very fine evening. The merry-go-round was something that all treasured, just as his Queen had assured him that it would be. He had met many very fine grandmothers. Many who were without a man. If Hugh, who was only a lawyer, could find himself a magnificent mate, why, there was no reason he could not as well. After all, he was a sculptor of wood, a master who could capture the moment in his carvings. He scoffed at the one-dimensional painters. Pbblltttt! Why, to apprentice to his teacher old Placer, you had to be able to paint life-like as a knee-high child.

The ride would be left in the town-square and he would be there daily to enjoy the fine company that was so delightful. Small ones and their blessed grandmother would be in attendance. His brothers were counting on him. He was to establish himself and bring honor to the family name. They all wanted a woman who could bake pies and cherish their family. Bon Temps, why, they had found _The Light_ in Grandmother form! Why, that was the epitome of good times!

.

Eric was walking with Liam as they surveyed _the road_ that The Realm had laid. "The road to hell is paved with the gold bricks of good intentions," his Sookie said. So be it. Billy Boy's road to hell was literally paved with the gold bricks of the bad intentions of the fae.

"Follow the gold brick road," he chuckled to the captain of his guards.

"Yes my King," Liam was most pleased. "Like the whorls in the Purple Swap's snails' shell. This Compton will start at the center where Em has left a special treat for him and will tread his path of destruction as our road winds outward for our pleasure and his misfortune. All has become clear to me since watching T_he Wizard of Oz_. The road shall lead him to you, my King. And that you shall be there waiting for him as the gatekeeper to the wonderful land of _You Are So Fucked William Compton."_

"That is the plan," Eric grinned. "Why," the king of the fae and bull-shitters could see the center of their gold brick road start to shimmer, "I do believe that Billy-Boy is right on time. Time to get this party started."

"The entire realm thanks you my King for giving us all these bragging rights. At times, it still feels like a dream," he added in a hushed whisper. "But then," the smile stretched across his face, "Em's shit is really foul smelling."

"Yes, you can not imagine that," Eric nodded. "I've been in some ripe sewers and death smell catacombs, but nothing," he stressed, "has ever smelled like that."

"That must be the reason dragons don't shit," Liam said, his words full of wisdom. "Would destroy all life in both realms as we know it."

.

Peering upwards, Bill could see the round portal that was going to take him from Hell into the world of men, once more. He was William T. Compton and worthy of such a prize as another chance. "This time, my Sookie, I am getting this right. You will be my sweet innocent, once more and will find much delight in my fine Southern Ease."

His heart was merry and bright. He was not at full strength, but his body parts had grown back. There were some parts of him his sweet Sookie liked better than others. Is she was lucky, why he would let her taste his manhood in her mouth once more before she offered herself to the pit.

After all, Hell was good enough for the likes of her. That she would even consider Northman over him, why...he bit back that thought. No, Eric had worked some sort of Nordic god-like magic over her. It was not her fault that she thought she enjoyed that big blond bastard's company. Why, perhaps, at one time, he would have even considered Eric if he would have asked him nicely.

That first time Eric walked in...when he was with Lorena and they were having their way with that prostitute. The blood lust that was on him and that tall, broad shouldered, old, soft-spoken vampire walked in and took his maker in hand. Eric did not even have to raise his voice. Viking, well hell yes. It was the first time he had seen Lorena back down for anyone and he would be lying if he had not been intrigued by Eric...and maybe awed...and envious...and maybe just a little bit in lust and wanting to know what it was like to be at the mercy of those big hands. Would Eric have been gentle with him or brutal? There was now no way of knowing.

Those days were long past and Eric had drawn in Sookie's sweet innocence and used it against her, as only a cur of his magnitude was capable of doing.

Good, he could see the light above him. He was almost there. Well, there was much here to be admired. The portal was a perfect ring; so intricate, so exact...so...as he began the last stage of his journey, something became most horrifically, wrong. What was that smell?

"No, no, no, no, no, no!" he was screeching as he felt himself being constricted to fit though the opening. "No," he yelled and as he did, his head popped up and into his open mouth slipped foulness at it finest.

Gagging and then retching, he placed his hands on either side of the hole and pulled himself up. Literally, he was covered in shit most foul. Shit of a different color. Standing upright, he slipped. Well, someone had shit and he had literally fallen backwards in it.

As he lay there, seething, he could hear the chimes of a clock striking down the hour. Well just shit! He was running shit-out-of-time! Time to get this shit on the road and make shit happen before he ended back up on Satan's shit list.

Standing, William T. Compton had a defining moment. Wa-a-a-a-ait one...!

"Oh fucking shit," he kicked at the ground and his foot went through the pile of shit and he slipped and fell back into the steamy pile, again. "Has shit now become a permanent part of my speech pattern? Oh shit," he balled up his fists and shook them at the universe as he lay there on the ground, in a pile of shit that was not of his own making.

"I wish I had that shithead Eric here, with me now," Bill seethed. "Why I would..."

"Well, Bill, here I am. What are your other two wishes?" Eric grinned and then took a step backwards. And then one more. "You are ripe and are causing my eyes to water. I would love to help you out," he chuckled, "just which way did you come in?"

Bill glared at him. "Over done comedy stick? I am back from the true death, Eric. You of all people should know that. Perhaps I come as a prophet to warn you and this is the best you can do...over done late night..." he hissed.

"Sorry," Eric smiled and fanned in front of his face. "As you can see...ahhh, smell, I am fresh out of shit."

"Save me the shit-eating-grin, Eric, that is cheesy, even for you."

"Oh King Bill," Eric bowed his head. "The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on my shit list."

"Talk is cheap, Eric," Bill replied, his eyes glinting. "Getting cheaper and more foul by the minute."

"Well yes to the foul, Bill. Your breath is causing my eyes to water. And also yes to the cheap talk, until you hire a lawyer," Eric winked at him, "then you are just shit out of luck. Because they are going to own your shit."

Bill snarled at Eric and picking himself up, he righted himself and then thought better about straightening out his clothes. He would just get more shit on his hands. He knew there was shit on his lips. That might not be such a bad thing. His lips were badly chapped. With shit on them, it would keep him from licking them and maybe they would finally heal. They would need to be kissably soft for his Sookie.

"I want to see Sookie," Bill said as he stared into Eric's eyes. "I do not care what you say. I was her first, it is my right. She would want to see me."

Eric let his eyes drift over Bill. "You are right of course," the words came lazily out of Eric's mouth. "Perhaps I am willing to admit that she does want to see you. But presently, she is putting her children to bed and will not leave them, not even for you, Bill."

Bill watched as Eric hesitated before he spoke the words, "Nor would she for me."

"Children," his deep, Southern manner was back. "Why, Sookie has babies," he smiled. "So...Eric..." Compton drawled, pleased beyond measure, "is that why you stalk my Sookie's woods? Because she has been bedded by a breather? Married and bedded by a breather? Why Eric," Bill laughed, "has your invitation been revoked? Are you no longer welcome in her home, her bed, and her," Bill winked at him, "fae portal? Tell me, was it the Were or perhaps the Shifter that she preferred over you? Or is it someone that I have not had the pleasure of meeting?"

"It is the King of the Fae," Eric replied, nothing there to read on his face.

Bill took a step back. "Are you shitting me, Eric?"

"No to the shitting," Eric shook his head, "remember..." he pointed to himself, "vampire."

Rolling his eyes Bill continued. "And," he stopped and contemplated the sublime, "the children are fae?"

The smile covered Eric's face. "Oh yes, without a doubt. Fae. They are beautiful, like their mother."

"So," he gave Northman his most sincere smile, "they live in the old farmhouse?"

"Well," Eric shrugged, "yes, it is the old farmhouse...and then some...he is, after all, King of the Fae. You see this road that we are standing on. It leads to their house. I find that if I walk this road, I can hear her voice, perhaps catch a glimpse of her face if I concentrate hard enough. And if I stay during the night, I can hear her screaming in passion and I know in my heart that it is my name that she is secretly screaming."

"Eric," Bill sadly shook his head. "Poor, poor, sad, delusional, stalker, Eric. Sometimes ugly and plain wins out. Not all women want a Nordic god that cannot give her children. Some just want to be with their own kind that can fill their bellies with a baby. You do remember that from your human days, don't you? I know how my sweet wife enjoyed bearing my children," Bill added just to see if he could get some type of reaction. H-m-m-m, nothing. No reaction from Northman at all. Well of course, not. He was a coldhearted bastard. Undoubtedly spread his seed around wherever his Viking ass went and left the woman to face the challenges of rearing the child on her own.

"Maybe it is true that I stalk her, but you certainly do not have a snowball's chance in Hell of getting in to see her. The way you look and smell," Eric gave him a great big wink and blew him a kiss.

"I clean up nicely," was all Bill said with a sincere smile. "Follow the road, I believe you said."

With a growl, Eric was gone.

Something_ was_ going to have to be done about the smell. Looking around, farther down the road, there was a hay field. It had been left on the land for the cattle to graze off during the winter. That would do for starters. As he walked, he admired the Louisiana night that now surrounded him. It was good to be home. Once he had his way with Sookie and regained all of his strength, he was stopping by his mansion and once more he was going to live in his family's quarters. Climbing over the fence, he stripped down, pulled the hay stalks out of the ground and Bill used them to wipe himself off. Eyeing the scarecrow out in the field, he was going to help himself to those clothes.

As he approached the straw man, he could not help but wonder. "That is a perfectly fine Izod shit and a pair of nice overalls. And that baseball hat," he rolled his eyes, as he picked it off the scarecrow's head and admired it. "Why, it is not even field worn. No sweat stains on it at all." There was a bandana tied around the scarecrow's neck. "I'll do one final swipe with that, get dressed and then go 'a'callin'."

Once dressed, he felt and smelt much better. "There is much to be said for the clean smells of being on the farm," he smiled. "The open hay fields, a little cattle manure...hey, I did not say shit!" he gloated. "Must be Northman and his foulness that influences me in such a way. Now, back on the road to my sweet, sweet Sookie.

Well, Eric was right," he paused and listened. "I can hear Sookie's voice. This could be most useful. If I can determine exactly where she is...but...King of the Fae...hm-m-m, I am going to need a plan."

There was a little dog that came trotting down the path and he was barking, turning his head and barking as if he was speaking to someone. Most curious.

"My little mans," he heard the voice as his eyes pierced the moon lit night. "What's that's yous is sayin'? You founds the sources of that gawd-awfuls..."

Well, looked like Plan A just walked up. "Hello Lafayette," Bill's eyes took in the male who always looked like he was going to march in a gay parade. Pigtails and a blue frock and ruby slippers and a little dog. What a cliché. Bill felt like rolling his eyes. Just where was his sign demanding equal rights?

"Well hellllooooos Billy's Boy Compton," Lafayette stopped and then tilting his head to one side, arched both eyebrows at him and fanned in front of his face. "I knows that this evenin's is sacred to the deads and that my fine self would be in demands, I just did not knows which deads was gonna be here visitin's tonight. Yous is smellin' hellish."

"Not hellish," Bill smiled charmingly seeing his opportunity. "I stepped in something and then slipped.

You are the Medium," he stressed, "I am just dead and tonight I wish to speak to the living. Visit for a spell and tell Sookie about the wonders of Heaven. I know you can help me out with this. That is your job," he stressed.

"After whats you dids, betrayin's Miss Sooks like that, and yous made it into Heaven...?" Lafayette had placed one hand on his hip. "I knows Jesus is all that's..."

Bill bowed his head and put his Southern Gentleman Caller in place. "Yes, it really is all about forgiveness," he added solemnly. "And I am," he said in his most sincere voice, "here to ask Sookie to forgive me.

Do you, perhaps, see her from time to time...?"

"She's marrieds now," Lafayette said with a sure shake of his head. "Got babies. Gots a sons from a previous marriages. But she loves that little boy...mmm-h-m-m-m-m. And twins, boy and girl."

"I saw Northman," Bill added softly, wondering if his glamour still worked.

"Yes," Lafayette shuddered. "His big-assed Viking blond, studly- selfs still haunts these parts. Does not do to calls him a stalker...he gets all kinds of bad-boy fangs down fucked-up! But he cannots defeats the King of the Fae and suches."

Oh good, Lafayette was willing to talk. No glamour required. "King of the Fae," Bill's voice was somber. "That is what Eric said."

"He spoke truths," Lafayette replied, his voice hushed. "The King of the Fae, his fae-self changed Miss Sooks world, he did. Nothin's Mr. Tall, Blond and Tightest of Asses can do 'bouts that's. But some nights, out in the woods, I hears Mr. North Man's screamin's her name while he finds release, if's you knows what I means," Lafayette arched both eyebrows and then made the jerking-off pumping motion with his hand. "Owww-wwweeee, we is talkin' some nastie of the nasties shreakin's goin's on out here. The bad bad thangs he wants to do to hers...mmmhmm. La La says such thangs should just be kept to yous selves."

Bill was not going to chuckle. Lafayette probably had no idea just what bad things could be done to a female. Bill was going to do one or two of those things, tonight. When Sookie was all limp with pleasure, that was when he was tossing her down into the pit.

"My little mans," Lafayette looked down at the little dog that had just lifted his leg and let go on Bill's borrowed tattered overall's leg.

Seeing the shocked looked on Lafayette's face, looking down Bill was just in time to see the little dog turn around and also drop a load on his bare foot.

"Deep and regretful sorrows 'bouts that, Mr. Bill," Lafayette shook his head. "But he loves goin' on that scarecrow. That's why we is out heres."

"Not a problem," Bill said through gritted teeth.

"His La La finenesses says we gots to gets goin's."

Bill thought, "And the little punt-able size dog comes running. Good thing."

"I can hear," Lafayette addressed the dog, "by the chatters that folks are complain's and callin's us names like glory-hogs and shutter-flies and all such ugliness." With a leap, the little dog was in his arms and then draped around his shoulders.

"Lafayette..." Bill took a step forward and then his focus went to the dog. He wanted to splatter his guts all over the road but then no one would believe he was from Heaven. And tonight he was going to have to show his heavenly bona fides.

"There is no places and suches as the goodnesses as homes sweet homes, so says the La La and so it bes."

"Poor scarecrows..." the little dog said looking straight at the camera. "He has done and cleaned himselves off. Shoulds have lefts a littles shits on him causes now he does not even has shits for brains..." and with a click of Lafayette's ruby slippers they were gone.

"About fucking time," Pamela seethed. "The rest of us would like a turn. You put those two bonded, tequila drinking, cigarillo smoking, _is this my best side_ _Mr. de Mille_ in front of a camera and I swear," she fussed with her Glenda the Good Witch crown, "between Lafayette and OI, you've got enough ham to feed The Realm. Really Eric," she put a bit of a sob into her voice. "The Realm is slowing down time a bit, right?" Sniffling, she dabbed at her eyes. "I am all dressed up and I want my turn at Busted Balls Billy as well."

"Not to worry my child," he kissed her on the forehead. "Liam assures me that there will be sufficient time for everyone to speak their piece."

"And OI is just insufferable. He is Toto for crying out loud. A dog. He is not suppose to be able to speak English. Woof and woof and bark and bark. Maybe a little whining like he needs to be let out. Those were suppose to be his lines. We had that discussion after we all watched the movie.

That _shit for brains_ was suppose to be my line," she pouted.

"Yes child," he kissed her again. "Not to worry, I am sure you will be able to work that in."

"But OI said it first," her lower lip was trembling.

"Well, yes, but only the once. You can say it as many times as you like."

There was no stopping her tears, "He got to piss and shit on Compton. How is that even fair? And I have to wear peach..." her voice trailed off in a sob.

"Sh-h-h-h, child," he held her. "Take the rest of the month off. Shh-h-h-h," he stroked her hair. "Sh-h-h-h, Daddy has this. And you know better than to bet against me," lifting her face he kissed her nose. "Be glad that Glenda did not wear peach and polka-dots."

"Polka-dots," she buried her face in Eric's chest and wailed.

"Sh-h-h-h," he stroked her hair.

"I knew better," she wept, "it was just pregnant...what were the odds...?" and her voice trailed off as she shrugged her shoulders. With a great big gulp of air Pam lifted her tear-streaked face to Eric's. "Odds on a vampire getting pregnant. Well, it was a sure thing..."

Eric held her close once more. "Go on now, fix your makeup, then after your fun with Compton, you take Wallace and go. We'll see you back at the end of the month."

Still sobbing, Eric turned her over to Wallace who wrapped her in his arms and then kissing her nose, they walked over to the make-up tent.

"Are you in co-hoots with my father?" Wallace asked her once they were out of Eric's hearing range.

"My father-in-law is just the best. I carry his grandchildren. He wants what I want. And I want thirty days off with my husband in attendance so that he may be of service to me when I so desire him to be my cabana boy.

Who loves you baby?" she wiggled her eyebrows at him.

Without a doubt, he knew the answer to that. So maybe his bride had been pregnant when they approached her maker, her father and his king about her newly acquired gestating status. Maybe her maker, her father and his king had shaken his head at her and then fixed that piercing gaze on him and said, "I hope you have enough money to keep her in shoes, because she is yours, now." Maybe her maker, her father and his king had held a little impromptu wedding right there in his office. The Lord Authority still had his apron on and his father, OI, the king of the dragons was licking frosting off his lips when _that call_, more like a bellow, had gone out. And his mother had popped in with her bar catalog in her hands and just had enough time to remove her bar apron before the ceremony commenced.

He was just glad that his Mother was not wearing her sensible shoes. Woof...he would not have ever heard the end of that. Not that she owned a pair.

Yes, who loves you baby? Without a doubt, his Mrs., did. She would pinch his ass from time to time when he got so carried away with the idea of a family that she needed him to slow down a bit. He knew about her past. The father and mother who had offered her up to excuse their gaming debt. And then continued to do so.

He had been talking to Godric. It appeared that his wife's mother still wandered the streets of New Orleans. He would be paying her a visit one of these fine days. What they had done to his beloved made him insane with rage...!

On a much pleasanter thought, his Pamela, why she was pleased to be his, despite his enthusiasm and that indifference she hid behind from time to time.

Who would have thought it? Bon Temps, Louisiana...good times.

.

.

Dear Readers,

Happy New Year! Thanks for sticking around and reading.

I believe that what ever you give away on New Year's Day follows you the rest of the year. To all of you that have read my stories, only the very best to you and yours.

In gratitude, I would like to offer you a free copy of my book, _The Father's Daughter. _

WARNING: THIS IS NOT YOUR TYPICAL BIBLE STORY.

**If you would like to preview the book, please cut and paste into your web browser: thefathersdaughter with the dot thing com. Yes, that is al one word and no apostrophe after father.**

If you are intrigued after that click on the Smashwords link and enter the coupon code: **JT38M**. This coupon is good until the 15th of January. Feel free to pass it around to your friends. (Ahhhh...you will find out who your fundamentalist friends are. Just say'n.)

For directions on how to download it to your electronic devices, in Smashwords blue tool bar, you will see FAQ. Click on that and then scroll down to **Reading, Sampling and Buying Books on Smashwords. **

The very happiest and all the best in 2014 and the years to follow!

Be blessed and be the blessing.

The spirit transcends the body...

CES


	7. Chapter 7

Preemptive Strike: True Blood, Season Five, The Hell Mouth Opens- Chapter 109

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended**_**.**_** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

**I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.**

Chapter #7 "If plan **A** does not work, there are 25 more letters..."

"I have a plan to make this work. If plan** A** does not work, there are 25 more letters to make this happen. I am smart, I am educated, I am experienced. I am William T. Compton, Vampire King of Louisiana and chosen of Satan." Bill kept repeating these good and true words to himself as he walked down the road, admiring how the moonlight reflected off the pavers. It looked like a river of moonbeams were laid at his feet. As well they should be! He was the **A**scending **S**upreme **S**pirit! This was a sign of his willingness and the world's acceptance for him to correct the many wrongs that plagued this place and time. Starting with Northman! He felt strong and good in his soul. And less smelly.

"I can make this happen. Sookie is married to the King of the Fae. As a king, he is busy. I know that as king that I never had a minute to myself.

I will just roll with whatever comes my way. I will make the most of every opportunity. I have a plan and if plan** A **does not work, there are 25 more letters.

Now, look at the many things I have learned from just walking down this lovely road. I know a lot of improvements have happened the year that I was gone. Good improvements. The King, he is very busy. Why, he will be here, there, opening a portal and going everywhere. That must be why they built this very nice road. To make his comings and goings easier. I know that is what I would do. When I had the driveway paved in front of my mansion, well, that cut back on my willingness to just leave my BWM in the garage and drive Sookie's death trap. If you have a nice road, you do not mind being out driving and looking over your kingdom.

So I know in my heart of hearts, Sookie will be sad and alone. This king, he is too busy and has saddled her with three small children so he can be out doing fae things. From what I saw when I visited in Fae, he probably has scantly clad paramours there to keep him blissful and that fae sexual desire satisfied.

With three babies, my Sookie will be too tired to always be spreading her legs for him. I know my wife, once she delivered my oldest, why, every time I tried lifting her skirts, she would complain of the headache, or backache, or she had not slept because the baby was up all night crying. Why the only gentlemanly thing to do was to retire to the barn and take care of myself when I could not get Cook to stand still for me. Come to think of it, I do not believe that I had ever found my release in Cook. She was always stirring something on the stove when there was something stirring in my britches.

But my Sookie will be so delighted to see me. The babies will be sleeping and she will be lonely and I am her sweet, sweet William, just back from Heaven to sit with her and hold her hand and listen to her tales of woe and regret. Married to a man that she did not know and forced to bear his children. I will listen with a kind and sympathetic heart for which I am known."

"Momma," Hunter smiled at her from their great big bed as she closed the book. He was tucked in with his brother and sister in his momma's and daddy's bed with Andy and Lion snuggled on one side of him. There was a nice big fire in the fireplace and the stained glass sparkled and glowed in the windows! Hunter liked the new bedrooms! They all had the pretty glass in the windows! When the sun came in through them, it looked like angels arriving!

"Is it time yet? Before we go to sleep, is it time to shake the candy canes?"

Sookie smiled at her three darlings! Well, nothing was going to happen here that a wet washrag would not take care of. "It is time," she smiled, as she flourished several of the red and white striped peppermint snowmaking sticks. Passing them out to her children, she gave the basket to ZZ and he passed them out to the dragons and tinkerbells that were in attendance.

The babies kept sticking their candy canes in their mouths and squealing with delight! Hunter would lick his from time to time as everyone in the room would shake theirs and giggle and sing the snowman soup song with him.

Sookie thought her heart was going to burst! Those years of loneliness and doubt...seeing the love shining out of her children's eyes, it was if that time had not existed. And if that was what it had taken to get her to this time and place...she would do it over again, every fucked- up minute of her life. Because she was more than what anyone had ever thought she was capable of being...except for Eric, of course. Evan had lurked inside of him and her husband had known all along that she was a survivor...and strong...and smart...and funny; 'cause what they were going to do to Bill was going to be one for the books!

Hunter's song was finished and now there were blue sparkles falling from the ceiling. The babies had their feet and hands going and those candy canes going and the sparkles all wind-milled to snowflakes. Great big blue ones.

"One more lick," she smiled as the babies tried to gum theirs to death. "Now, Momma says it is Sand Man time, so let's get cleaned up and tucked in," she whispered as she kissed tiny little noses and wiped mouths and hands and collected what was left of the candy canes. "And off to Sleep Land." All three of her babies yawned and then settled in, smelling of pepperminty goodness and rich with baby smiles.

"Here comes Daddy," she kissed them again on the forehead as Eric walked in. "He will give you kisses and then your La La and Uncle Jesus will be here with you until Momma and Daddy comes back. We won't be gone long.

Oh good, here are your Uncles now," as both babies giggled and Hunter clapped his hands and laughed when the two men walked into the room.

"M-m-m-h-m-m," Sookie arched her eyebrow at Lafayette. "Those candy canes that you have there in your reading basket, our La La, those had better not be for my children."

"What candy canes, his La La finesseness says! Why all I gots is these here snow makin's machines and some mighty fine readin' thangs!"

There were hopeful eyes staring back at her from all over the room. All those present knew that this late at night, the fae queen would let you have a lick or two or three of the blessed candy cane, but his La La fineness would be right there with you enjoying that swirled red and white bit of heaven and reading stories! Why sticking out of his basket looked like enough for seconds for everyone in The Realm! And books! Why La La and Jesus would read and act out stories until the King and Queen returned!

"Momma, it snowed in the movie," Hunter was very serious. "You think we shook them enough to make that much snow?"

"H-m-m-m-m-m," she said, thoughtfully. "Yes, my son, that was a lot of snow in the movie. And our babies are just like their Daddy who does so love his snow. Yes to the shakin' then. I think you three are sweet enough so maybe no to the lickin'."

Little sad eyes from all over the room looked back at her. Dragon tears had started to form. OI was so good at this, he already had big purple teary streaks down the front of his face.

So much loved looked back at her. How could she say no? La La would rule the night!

"Hows 'bouts another story or twos or threes, Momma Sookie?" Lafayette asked while he batted his eye-lashes. "I gots _Hungry for Spider-Web Soup _in my readin's basket of goodness along with a few other treasures."

Hunter started to laugh. "My La-La and I, we tried to make spider web soup so we could have it tonight before our trick or treating!"

Sookie shook her head and just accepted the fact that bed time stories and peppermint goodness were going to rule the night. "All right my darlings," she conceded. "Candy cane with your La La and Uncle Jesus, stories, then sleepy time," she said as she tweaked noses.

"Momma," Hunter giggled, "before you leave, will you make that witch laugh?" he asked.

"You know I will my Sweet Baby," she grinned as she picked up her broom and making room for Eric, they were up in the air. "Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!" she cackled as they rode around in the room. Then blowing everyone a kiss, OI opened the door and they were out into the night.

It certainly was a nice night to be out and about. This road made for easy walking. Bill's curiosity had finally bitten him. Stopping, he kneeled down in the middle of the road. "Just what is this made of?" he wondered out loud to himself.

"It's gold," came a voice that was over to the right of him in the field.

"Gold?" he echoed back.

"Yes," came the reply. "Gold. The fae dragons shit gold. So they make everything with it. Since it is dragon gold it is the most durable so they pave their roads with it. Plus the new king is a real ass-hole and likes to show off his wealth."

"Who is out there?" Bill asked, his eyes looking around.

"Tis I," out hopped a frog, "King Evan, the rightful heir to the fae throne."

Bill stood up and carefully scrutinized what was before him. "Now that is something you do not see everyday, a frog with a crown."

"And most often," the frog countered, "I do not meet those who smell of dragon shit. You need a bath."

"When I was human," Bill smiled down at the rather large, green fellow, "our cook would fry up frog legs."

"And when I was king of the fae," the frog countered, "I would feed human ass-holes to my frogs."

"Touché," Bill bowed his head. An enchanted being! From Fae! Eyeing the frog, this just might work. Here was someone with information. Even if he was lying about being a king of the fae, he could have useful information. It just might be time to layer on the famous Compton Southern Charm.

"How is it that you ended up as frog?" he asked.

"The dick that will never be king has a powerful witch that cursed me. I have to find myself a true royal of the realm and have them kiss me. Only then will I turn back to my handsome and highly skilled warrior self."

"Well," Bill considered the worth of the crown the fellow was wearing. That was _a very nice thing_ he had sitting on top of his head. Not just something out of a package of Cracker Jacks. "I would think that would be doable. You are not so ugly that women would run away from you screaming."

"Oh, well thank you," the frog smiled. "But it does not have to be a she, any true royal will do." Bowing, the frog took a toadie's voice and said. "Just let it be known throughout this land that I can be very grateful if you know of someone of royal descent." The frog king took another sniff, choked, coughed and then shifted back about another foot.

"Just how is it that you have come to smell of dragon shit? You had to piss off someone in the tip-top of the fae hierarchy to rate that. You, ahhhh, have a little run on with his royal badness?"

Now that was interesting. This little fellow thought maybe he knew the new king. Best to just side step this question and let the frog think what he might. Bill's focus was now on the frog. Plan **B**. He could roll with it! "When you say royal, is there any particular line of royal from which you must be kissed, or will any royal line do?"

"Well," the frog hesitated, "I do not know? Why? Do you know a royal?"

"I am King William T. Compton of Louisiana."

"Really?" The frog hopped a bit closer. "A true king? Were you crowned and recognized as such?"

"Yes," Bill smiled.

"Look," the frog came closer. "You change me back to my true form and I will kill anyone you want me to after I dispose of this royal imposter. I am a fierce warrior. My sword is over there in the field. But it is all rusted to shit. I came here after him and his witch found me first. Once I am back to fae, I am going to need an oil can and a whet stone to get everything returned to good order."

"This witch..." Bill was hesitant. He had encountered witches before and they were on his to be avoided list. That was just a solid plan. "Just how dangerous..."

"Do not look at her," the frog said with heat. "Just think Medusa. This witch, she is a bitch on a stick. And I mean that, she rides that broom between her legs like it is a giant phallus. She screams like she is having an endless orgasm. That," the frog sighed, "that is when she draws you in. You think, oh good times, maybe I'll get off while I am watching her get off. You know, witch porn."

"Witch porn?" Bill echoed.

The frog's smile got bigger. "Ribbbbbbb-iiittttttt!" the frog chuckled. "Witch porn is something to be treasured," he sighed. "But I digress.

So there I was, listening to her and I am working these fantasies and trying to catch a glimpse of anything she might have showing and I've got my dick out of my pants and stroking and... and then she whammies you." The frog shivered all over. "And there you are with your dick in your...your..." there was disbelief in his voice. "...and...and you are stroking something that is green, small and you are wondering what the fuck just happened."

"Got that," Bill was nodding his head. "If you look you get whammed." Then Bill stopped and snickered, thinking that he had just been played. He would just let the frog know that he was not ignorant. "Frogs do not have a penis."

"Seriously," the frog rolled his eyes as he lifted his leg.

"Oh," Bill stepped closer and then took another step closer as he leaned in to get a better look.

"Hey, back it up, pervert," the frog growled at him. "I told you, once upon a time I was the ruling fae king. So this frog comes with a penis."

"So," Bill stood up straight, "you...you...you..."

"You what?" came the disgusted tone. "You did not believe me? I am a fucking King of the Fae Realm. Whammied by a bitch on a stick. I can not lie. This just sucks. No fucking body believes me here. I need to get back to my fae form so I can get back to my kingdom.

This realm sucks the big one. There is a little dog that comes out here every night and chases me through the fields. I'm going to take his little ass back to fae and give him to my pet dragon. Yes, game on little dog. We'll see then who is getting chased. My little dragon, he will hump anything. I see small, yippee dog in his future."

Bill was just a bit thunderstruck. Okay, this guy was the real deal. Time for Plan **C**. "Have you been out here when the new king and queen..." and Bill let his voice trail off.

"Speaking of humping..." the frog chuckled.

"Does," Bill hesitated, "does she enjoy it?"

"Fuck yes," the frog drew back. "One thing I can say for this soon to be dead joker is that he knows how to please the ladies. He has not done a threesome with his bride, yet, but I bet that is in his future."

"Threesome?" Bill choked out.

The frog wiggled his eyebrows. "The faux king, he does that witch out here, as well. In fae, getting laid in the woods, that is all kinds of good luck. This bastard, he knows how to get lucky."

Bill was starting to feel a might bit anxious. Sookie liked it with this pretend king? It was bad enough when she made screaming sounds with Eric. But married sex? She liked married sex? No woman liked married sex. And...and...his sweet, innocent, Sookie in a three way? "Three...you mean Sookie and him and the witch?"

"I do not mean me, the little dog and his owner. Of course that is what I mean."

"You, ahhh, you know how to remove the smell of dragon shit?" Bill asked hopefully.

"Well, yes. You need snow," the frog replied. "Make it snow, strip yourself down and rub all over in it. Snow kills the smell."

"Snow..." Bill was mystified. "But we are in Louisiana. It is October. And I can not make it snow. No one can."

"I thought you were a king?" the frog eyed him and you could hear the _this fucker is a liar _in his voice.

"No royal in this world can make it snow," Bill replied, pushing as much truth as he could out into the universe.

"Oh," the frog considered the wrongness of that. "Just another fucking reason this place sucks the big one, and apparently, it sucks at sucking." Out darted his frog tongue and his dinner was then popped into his mouth. With a satisfying crunching sound, the frog continued to eye the insects that were swirling around him.

"Do you know how to do this?" Bill asked, hoping against hope. He could not sweep Sookie off her feet and into the pit smelling like dragon shit.

"Well, of course," the frog rolled his eyes and pointed to himself, "king!"

"If I kiss you," you could hear the earnestness in Bill's voice. "Will you make it snow?"

The frog thought about that for a moment. "You don't want to do that. The bitch on a stick...she has a nasty sense of humor. If all I needed was a royal kiss, this would not be a problem. But she laid out some perimeters."

"Such as?" Bill asked.

"As in kiss my royal ass," the frog shook his head. "Just what the fuck? I do not even have a chance of getting changed back. Bitch on a stick!" he hissed.

"But...but in the stories..." you could hear the pleading in Bill's voice.

"Stories," the king snickered. "Try dealing with a bitch...on...a...stick," the frog said. "I have princesses from all over the realm lined up who are willing to suck my tongue out of my mouth...whether I be fae or frog...but not one of them is willing to kiss my ass. And then, apparently, in this realm, there is a real shortage of royals, but not ass kissers. And some delight in it. You can see my problem."

Oh-h-h-h-h, yes. Bill knew all about ass kissers. He had maybe kissed The Authorities ass once or twice. Maybe literally. He had certainly kissed Satan's. It was time to work plan **D**. "I would kiss your ass," Bill said. "I can not guarantee that you will switch back but I am willing to give it a go if you are."

The frog eyed him and ate another bug. "I am grateful. And even if I do not switch back, gladly will I make it snow for you."

"So, I do what?" Bill asked. "Pick you up and..." and bending down he cupped both hands together and the frog hopped in.

"Here, let me turn around," the frog said as he positioned himself with his ass facing Compton. "No tongue," the frog said. "And keep your finger out of my ass, as well."

"I would never," Bill huffed.

"Like I have not heard that before," the frog offered.

"Why that is just disgustin'," Bill spit out.

"Tell me about it," the frog countered.

Yes, disgusting! He knew about disgusting. Bill had kissed Lorena. And had done other vile things with her. He was sure his maker was the reason he was in Hell. And then Satan...he shuddered. There was nothing vile about his frog. He was an honest fellow with an honest problem. And he appeared to be and smell clean. He could certainly kiss a frog's ass. Who would know? Who would care? He was on the golden path and this frog was part of this path to fulfilling his quest, his plan, his return to Earth.

"Left cheek or right?" Bill turned his head slightly and leaned in so he could see this handsome fellow's face.

"Huh?" the frog shrugged. "I don't know. Just find a spot that looks good to you and plant one on me."

"On your left check is a freckle, I am aiming for that," Bill said with surety.

"Just make it happen and consider that imposter king as good as dead and an abundance of snow to bathe in."

A firm and soft-lipped kiss is what Bill blessed the deposed frog king with. "You feel anything?" Bill asked.

"Huh," the frog shivered all over, "maybe. Oh sorry," the frog said, I think I just pissed on your hands."

"Not a problem," Bill replied, "I used to find frogs all the time when I was a boy. You are not the first frog to pee on my hand."

This was not the time to panic, but morning had to be coming on. Bill stood there with the frog in his hands, feeling time slip away from him. It was time to be bold. "How about if I kiss the right cheek, as well?"

"I...I...I am a bit of a loss, here. Sorry I am not better informed," the frog said, turning his head to face him. "This is my first time as being cursed to frog. I guess it could not hurt."

"Fine. I am aiming for the center of the right cheek."

With a bit more passion and longing, on went the kiss. When Bill drew back his face he asked, "Feel anything?"

"Wait one," the frog replied as he started to shiver all over and then out popped a frog long-poo. "Oh-h-h, sorry about that," the frog said and jumped down. "It's just that I don't know what to expect. But you have upheld your part of the bargain. So, have a little snow. I am going to have to hibernate until all this passes," the frog said as he hopped away and into the field.

"Why," Bill said in wonder as he felt the first of the flakes softly brush past his face, "It's snowing! Why that little green fellow knew what he was about. He must be the king of the fae! I hope I was king enough so that when he wakes up, he will be a fae king in his own right."

Bill stood for several moments and just enjoyed the feel of the flakes lightly kissing his skin. "I guess I need to get this done. Time to strip down and bathe in this gentle softness and be clean and good for my Sookie," he smiled at fond memories as he disrobed and felt the snow float past his body as he began to scrub... and..and... "Ouch...what was that?" He felt a stinging sensation on his face and then other parts of him. "What...?" he yelped as he was being pelted with sharp, stinging, sleet. The wind picked up to blizzard strength and he was now being pushed around as the wind howled and freezing rain was pounding him. When a small snow tornado picked him up, whirled him around and slammed him down, he realized, "Time to look for shelter." His clothes had disappeared. Either blown away or buried under a snow bank! "Soldiering was good for something," he said as he hit the ground, trying to avoid the flashes of lightning that were sizzling the snow and then he began low-crawling toward the ditch. "That little frog had the right idea, if I can't find shelter, maybe I'll just go to ground for a few minutes until this passes."

Once he was in the ditch, he could smell it. There was a wood fire, coming from his front. The ditch was quickly filling with frigid water as he was covered in howling snow. His low crawl turned into a fast run as he followed the wood fire smell and the wind tried to devour him! The smoke smell was stronger. It was time to take shelter. When he hit the side of a building with a solid crunch, the wind kept his body pushed up against it as he followed the wooden structure around until he found himself on a small porch.

Trying the door, it blew open and the wind pushed him and the snow into the middle of the small cottage that was home to a huge walk-in fireplace.

From the looks of things, it had been abandoned. No one lived here. There was nothing that spoke of daily living except for a chair that was shoved back into one corner. But there was a fire and a skin-rug of some sort in front of the fire. "Oh-h-h-h," Bill huddled in front of the roaring logs that sent out the blissful heat as he slowly turned and warmed himself. "A place for a lovers tryst."

Once he was dry, he let his eyes wander carefully around the room. That was odd. There appeared to be clothing on a bent bamboo café style chair. Odd, but very good for him. He would find something to wear!

Carrying the chair over to the front of the fire, he inspected the clothing that was on it. His laughter filled the room. "Fantasies," he smiled as he held up a riding crop, a top hat, a woman's red tux jacket and a very short black leather skirt for the dominatrix. There was a man's lion mask and lion furry pants with a long tail. No shirt, he smiled, for the sub.

Well, well...

The women's clothing would not fit but he could at least wear the lion pants and wrap that rug about his shoulders. Then he was going to his mansion and demand proper attire to greet his Sookie, in. Or maybe steal clothing that was left out by the pool. He was all about working the plan.

The cottage had stopped shuddering and it was now quiet. Pulling on the pants, and picking up the rug, Bill walked over to the door and peered out. Just as quickly as the storm had appeared, it was now gone, with the snow along with it. There was still a bit of a chill in the air and the moon was now a bit fuller than what it had been. That was odd, but he was willing to roll with it. After what he had experienced tonight, it was all good and part of his path, which was once more glowing before him. Wrapping the rug around his shoulders he set off.

There was an apple orchard up ahead. He could smell them. That wonderful smell wafting on the breeze. And then his golden path was no longer golden! The moon was blocked with some type of cloud that appeared to be alive!

He heard the witch cackle in glee as she shouted, "There, that lion on The King's Highway! I am sure he does not have permission to travel there. Let loose!"

"Let loose!" Bill screeched. Let loose with what? He did not want to look, but if he was going to be cursed, he at least wanted to see what was coming his way. The witch's voice was behind him. Lifting his face, he looked straight up into the night sky. That is when he could see them. Flying monkeys! Hundreds upon hundreds of them! All of them wearing some type of cute little uniform, reminding him of an organ grinder and his monkey. And then it...let loose took on a whole new meaning...he was being pelted with monkey poo!

Was there a reason he was being pounded with shit, tonight?

"I am glad I grabbed this rug," he said as he hunkered down under it, pulling himself up as small as he could and wondering if he needed more snow to clean off the smell of flying monkey. Listening to her cackle and call encouragement, Bill could see the frog's point of view. Bitch...on...a...stick!

When he no longer felt the missiles landing on him and it was once more quiet, he carefully pulled back the rug and felt things shifting on top of him. "Oh, bitch on a stick," he grumbled as he looked out and was buried in poo.

"Best thing to do," Bill smiled when he heard the frog's voice, "is just flip your covering back as fast as you can and then hop out. Some is just going to get on you. You just have to accept that and move on. Look's like one or two hit you head on, anyway. Those fuckers have a good arm."

"Thanks," Bill said as he did just that. Once he was standing upright, he thought maybe he could just levitate himself out of the perfect six foot circle that was knee high poo that had buried him. With a thought and nothing happened, he determined that it was no to the levitating. Okay, his vampire skills no longer worked. But he had been good at hop-scotch as a child. He could make this happen. Springing, he was up and over the worst of it. He had made almost to the outer perimeter. With a couple of steps, he was out and once more standing on his golden path.

"I see the flying monkeys are practicing their strafing runs," the frog said. "Under her orders, of course. She guards this road like she shit the fucking gold. She is a bitch on a stick," the frog chuckled.

"Flying monkeys," Bill echoed in wonder.

"Yes, I see their aim is still one-hundred percent. Would have to be if you want to fly with her. She surrounds herself with only the best. Which is why I am sure she fucks the never king. I heard he was spectacular. Of course, not as good as me. If she had ever," he stressed, "been under me, this fucker would be an insect for a frog snack. Oh well, enough of my bitching," the frog sighed.

"Glad I ran into you again. A word of warning," the frog's voice was somber. "Anytime you see a flying monkey, the bitch on a stick is someplace close by. They are her minions, her escort, probably her sex partners as well. Not that I am judging her for that," he added with sincerity. "When fae, I may have looked with favor on other forms of fae, as well.

And since you are still standing, I see you took my advice and did not look at her."

"Thanks for the warning about that," Bill replied. "I am forever grateful. And oh, the snow as well."

"Glad that worked out for you," he said with a smile.

"I was hoping only the best for you," Bill placed his hand over his heart. "That perhaps, you would have changed back after your hibernation. There is just something about being buried in the good earth that revives you."

"Be careful," the frog chuckled, "or I am going to think you are a frog prince that has been cursed to be human."

Bill laughed. "Why yes, that would make us opposites," he smiled at his new-found friend.

"Where are you headed?" the frog asked as they walked along. "If it is someplace important, I would suggest washing the flying monkey shit off of you before you arrive there."

"Do I need snow for that?" Bill asked, concern in his voice.

"No, just some soap and water, unless you have a drop of dew from the first moon of the new day."

"No," Bill smiled. "I do not have that. And I am still on the path," he said. "And feeling much better about this now that I have met you. And," he looked around him, noticing the woods that backed up to his house. "Now things are starting to look familiar. I have a mansion not much farther, from here. I can get clean, there. And change into something presentable."

"That sounds like a good plan," the frog said agreeably.

"Yes," Bill smiled, "I think I am now about to plan **G**."

There was a lot of second looks and longed for second chances going on in Pam's office and in the foyer. "Eric's signature move! A fucking, howling blizzard, complete with lightning!" A lot of them were a bit thunderstruck as their days in the mansion were now going on years that they owed SWAMBO. How had _that_ been so nicely worked into tonight's little scenario?

Tara was laughing so hard, she kept wiping at the tears that were rolling down her face. "I've got the next month off," she hooted in glee! "That suck ass summit in Europe we are suppose to be attending, now let me see..." she was dancing around in glee! "Who bet me that Compton would not kiss Eric's ass...twice?"

"No, no, no, no, no," Pam was sniffling as the office watched Billy-Boy and The Frog King walk along the golden path on the giant TV as money and I.O.U. vouchers were being exchanged at a furious clip. "No!" she wailed. "Eric said I could take the next thirty days off!"

"Oh-h-h-h-h my maker," Tara looked very sad. "Too fucking bad!" she hooted! "Those tears of yours do not work on me! I am out of here! Just as soon as this tasty tidbit comes to an end. I want my time on the big assed TV as well. I shall strike a pose and say my lines and live forever in the land of the fae!

Unless, of course," Tara winked at her. "you want to make a deal. I'll trade you that thirty days if I get to say your lines as well as mine. Of course, since you would not be say'n' any lines there would be no reason for you to be present."

"I turned a monster..." Pam sniffled.

Tara's grin got bigger.

"You are just like Eric," she huffed.

Tara's grin split her face as she shook all over with joy.

Pam was giving this some serious thought...not... "Thirty days of just me and my cabana boy or living forever on the wide screens in Fae...not really much of a choice," Pam drawled. "Wallace," she eyed her husband. "Put on some pimping _Good Linda of the South Madame of the House _clothes, I just wrote you in. Hey," she grinned, "I just rhymed!"

"What?" Tara squeaked as she eyed her maker.

"Welcome to _The Brothel of the Manse_," Pam fluttered her eyelashes. "The house of pleasure where you will find good times," as her fangs snicked down, "and the ladies wearin' little to nothin' else."


	8. Chapter 8

Preemptive Strike: True Blood, Season Five, The Hell Mouth Opens- Chapter 110"...a whore house by any other name..."

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended**_**.**_** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

**I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.**

**Chapter #8 "...a whore house by any other name..."**

As they walked along the edge of the road, in low voices they talked about everyday things. Bill enjoyed the frog king's company. This cursed fae was forthright about what it had been like to be king and now deposed and how difficult it was to be left in the land of the witch. At all times, both of them were mindful of the danger they were in.

"Ah-h-h-h," Bill hesitated for only a moment. He felt as if he could ask his new friend anything. "Have you ever seen a tall, blond, man out here at night?"

"Oh," the frog stopped. "You mean vampire Eric, the Viking?"

"Oh!" Bill stopped and was just a bit amazed. "Yes, do you know him?"

"Yes, quite well," the frog replied. "Some nights we go drinking and quench our thirst. He has an A negative and I have a mosquito. We sit out here in the field and pass the time. He seems to be a nice guy. Really preoccupied with his dick," the frog made a jerking off motion.

"That would be him," Bill rolled his eyes and shook his head

"But once you get him past the sex and him bitching about the lack he is having there of, he's actually got a wicked sense of humor. Knows more frog jokes than anyone I have ever met."

"Frog jokes?" Bill echoed back to him with a raised eyebrow.

"Case in point," the frog offered a bow. "Why did the frog take a bath with the princess?"

"I, I don't now why?" Bill asked.

"So he could rrrrubbbit!" the ousted king chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows. "This one is good, also. A pop quiz. The princess likes to have sex while she bathes. You want to have sex with the princess while she bathes. How deep does the princess like her bath water?"

"I..."Bill paused. "I feel like I should know this one..."

"Kneedeep," the frog winked at him. "I know, that one is so obvious that it just sort of hops up there with the joke about what kind of shoes does a princess wear?"

"Shoes?" Bill was a bit of a loss.

"Open toad."

"Oh," Bill smiled. "Of course."

"Here is one for you. Pretty obvious. What's green and dangerous?" he chuckled.

"A frog...?" Bill stopped and then looked thoughtful and finally shook his head no. Evan was obviously waiting to deliver the punch line.

"A frog on a date with your girlfriend," the frog was so pleased out went his tongue and in went more of his meal. "What did your girlfriend say when the frog started to take off her panties?"

Bill was shaking his head..."I...I..."

Smiling the frog said gleefully, "Rippit!

How many frogs did your girlfriend invite to the orgy?

"Orgy...?" he managed to get out before the frog cut him off.

"Toadly too many."

Bill moaned at bit. "That was just bad, but a bit punny."

They both laughed.

"Most good. You get the idea," his x-king greenness smiled and bowed. "And now, for my all time favorite. Tadpoles slapping their tails, please."

"What?" Bill leaned in closer.

"Drum roll, please."

"Oh-h-h-h," Bill smiled and settled back.

"Why can't you girlfriend talk?"

"Why?"

"She has a frog in her throat."

Both deposed kings chuckled.

"You are a funny fellow," Bill smiled at him, "even if I would not tell those in polite female company."

"I have my moments," he replied. "But Northman does seem to bring out the horny toad side of me."

"Is Eric..." Bill looked thoughtful.

"Out here a lot?" the frog king said. "Yes. He was hopped up on fae blood one night. Started crying about how much he misses Sookie." The frog's and Bill's eyes met. "Only one person out here with that name and she is married to the never king. Eric sits out here, listening for the sound of her voice. From sundown to sunrise."

"I saw him earlier," Bill said. "Eric...he was a bit..." and Bill shrugged. "I don't know...lost..."

"Yes," the frog nodded. "This is where he now spends all of his waking time. He loves her. When I destroy the imposter, maybe he will have another chance with her...but he is going to have to step up his game. I have heard her screaming when she and the never king are having sex out here. Damn...I have to give him credit, he gets the job done. When he is finished with her, he carries her back to the house and she is crying and sobbing, _please, do that again. I want more. Fill me with that great big dick of yours. I can never get enough of that_. _Fuck me until I can not walk and then fuck me harder. Put that gigantic..." _

"I get the idea," Bill sighed. "He's a stud."

"Yes," the frog nodded. "Damn, I could get laid. Just thinking about her and those nast-eeee things that comes out of her mouth after she takes something of his out."

"Got the idea," Bill eyed the frog and then discretely cleared his throat. Then bit his lip, then let go of a big sigh.

"Oh fuck," the frog took a closer look at Bill. "You do her?"

"I," he smiled politely, "a gentleman does not kiss and tell. But, seeing as how we are going down that road, I was her first."

The frog licked his lips. "Come on King Bill," his voice caught, "do not disappoint. Tell me please! So, you know what it is like to be inside that much woman and have her screaming your name like that..."

A lot of air blew out of Bill's mouth as he crossed his arms in front of his body.

"Oh-h-h-h-h..." and you could hear the disappointment in the green one's throat. The frog patted Bill on the foot. "King Bill, I am so sorry..."

Bill gave him a sad little smile.

"She, she never screamed your name like that...wow man...sorry to be talking about things like that. I am sorry. Really."

"That's all in the past," Bill said. "And besides, I think I see lights through the trees. That would be my family's home."

As they got closer, Bill and the frog king could see the glow from the mansion's windows. They were now at a place in the road where it was going to split in several directions. One took you right to the front door of the mansion and stopped there. They ducked into a small stand of trees and waited.

"That is just a bit odd, don't you think?" Bill said as he was concentrating on the porch of his former home. "That the road just dead ends there?"

"It's a king owned business," the frog replied.

"What?" Bill looked down at him.

"The golden road always empties into something that belongs to the king. Judging from the looks of the place, it is not one of his residences. So it must be a business."

"What kind of business would a king of the fae be running from my home?" Bill asked.

The frog chuckled and wiggled his eyebrows. "One of the oldest around."

"What?" Bill gasped. "My home...a brothel?"

"I have heard about this place," the frog sounded very intrigued and well informed. "_The Brothel of the Manse. _It is suppose to help you relive your youth and embolden your cock."

Bill looked like he was in pain. "I don't want strange cocks emboldened in my momma's house. I was born there. My momma walked those floors at night with me when I had the fever."

"Well," the frog eyed him, "now those floors are walked at night with all manner of folk who have the fever."

Bill thought maybe he was going to be ill. Hell was bad enough and now he was in Hell on earth. His momma's and his daddy's home...a whorehouse! His voice was very quiet and sad. "I am glad my momma is not around to see this. It was bad enough when those damn Yankees came through disturbing her during the war. This is just wrong and me being here shows my lack of respect for my momma and women in general. What do you think I should do?" Bill said, his voice quiet and sad.

"Go to the front door, knock, and get laid," the frog responded. "I hear Tuesday nights you can get two-for-one. Is it Tuesday?" and Bill could hear the desire and anticipation in this green guy's voice.

Bill's mouth came open and then promptly closed. "That is just wrong," he chided his small friend. "And you should not sound so hopeful. You are a frog."

"Yes, but beneath this green is a king of the fae. And there is nothing wrong with hot and nasty sex. And when you are eight inches tall and green, the hot and nasty does not happen for you that often. I speak from experience.

Of course, I hear the _The Manse_ does cater to everyone in The Realm. So hey, maybe I could get lucky," he smiled, wiggling his eyebrows. "But then," he sighed, "they would all know me. Which is one of the reasons I stay, away. Don't want word to get back that I am still around and getting some. Bitch on a stick would come looking for me. And one thing I do not need is a double whammy from her. Although, she is green, I am green...this could work under different circumstances."

"After what she has done to you?" Bill said kneeling down, trying to understand.

"Mmmm," the frog sighed. "Like I said, under different circumstances, she can redefine your hot and nasty."

"You sound as if you speak from experience," Bill chided him.

"Rub-b-b-b-bit!" the frog chuckled.

"Horney toad is right," he shook his finger at his small friend. "Oh, wait one," Bill said as he crouched lower behind a tree, "someone is coming outside."

"Oh-h-h-h," the frog hopped up on Bill's shoulder to get a better look. "She's pretty. I very much like her crown but I would never dress her in that color. Peach? Really? But she is lovely. Do you know her? Is she royal? I can tell from here that she's not fae but I'd do her. And if she is royal, maybe with a kiss from her I could be back in the non green penis biz."

Bill laughed. Maybe the first time in years. Maybe since he had been human. "That is Pamela. She is the child of Eric. He might be out here pining for Sookie but she is the original bitch on a stick with fangs."

"Now," the frog chuckled, "who sounds like they speak from experience. You tap that lovely bit of blonde?"

Bill's laughter got a little louder and then he got very serious. "No thank you. And she would skewer you on one of the heals of her shoes. Down your throat and out through the tip of your penis. She likes girls," Bill gave him a tight lipped smile, "and when she tells you to back off, you had better believe she means it."

"Whoa," the frog said with new respect. "Ah-h-h-h Bill, you speak from experience?"

"I had just been crowned..." he closed his eyes and let the shudder over take him. "I really thought I had all the answers and was handsome and charming and could not be told no. By anyone. And I thought maybe Pamela might change her mind about females and sex if she could have a taste of king and sex."

"You are still standing..." the frog eyed him.

"She carries a collapsible wooden rod about as round as her little finger. All these little wooden pieces are threaded with a thin wire of some sort. If she shakes it, it becomes about six feet long and with the dexterity and timing she displays, I am willing to be believe that I am not the first male she has ever skewered with it."

"Oh ouch and fu-u-u-uck," the frog said.

"Parts of me took longer to grow back than others. One part of me never did return to its original size."

"Oh fuck and the lack thereof," the frog patted his shoulder.

Bill smiled. "I was out of line of course, and lets just say I am sorry for all those frogs I gigged as a boy."

"Does come back around to bite you on the ass," Evan patted his shoulder, again.

"Yes," Bill replied. "I did not see that coming. She is fast, like her maker."

"Air pressure is changing," Evan said. "We have a dragon incoming."

"What?" Bill squeaked. "Dragon..."

"Get down, but stay so we can see. But I cannot be seen skulking around here. And do not say my name. Even if it is whispered, it will carry on the wind and the dragon will hear it."

After being in Hell, Bill thought he could no longer be surprised. Little did he know...

Watching in wonder, he was mesmerized when a large dragon rode the moonbeams into the yard.

"Mistress Pamela," they both heard the man say her name as he dismounted from the dragon. "I am glad you got the call to come out and meet me."

"Master Wallace," she bowed her head and you could hear the disdain in her voice. "It was not like I had a choice, was it."

Striding up to the porch, he laughed heartily and said, "Come down those steps and greet your lord properly."

"You are a free-balling bastard," she hissed and continued to hiss names at him as she walked over to him.

"Now now, soon to be mother. Such language will not go unpunished. I will approach the king about keeping you breeding only for me."

Bill's eyes went round as he watched Pamela, pulled as if against her will, go forward toward the dragon rider. Cursing as she went, soon she was in his arms and crushed against Wallace's body. His mouth claiming hers as his hands pulled her ass up and onto him.

Bill was shocked when he saw the fae's fangs glittering in the moonlight and then he bit Pam's neck. Bill was even more shocked when he saw Pamela do the same thing to the male. While she was drinking, from Pamela came moans and curses. And...and...the sound of something else! Something nasty! This Wallace had positioned both of their bodies so he could dry hump her and it sounded like something they both enjoyed.

Abruptly, he put her down and smirked. "So you have missed me, aye lass."

"Fucker," she hissed.

"Oh, not yet, but I shall," his hand cupped her ass and then snaked around her body and pulled her backside into him. "I am bringing you a gift."

"Oh good..." she hissed, "your head on a pike?"

Bill and Evan felt the air pressure, shift, again. There was a dragon, inbound.

"Love of my life and mother of my children," his mouth was brutal as he kissed her neck and then pulled back. "This is my gift to you for bearing my young. Here comes your oldest child, now."

"What?" Pam took a step forward, trying to get away from him.

"No, you will stand here with me, as is my right," he said to her as his hands roamed across the front of her body. "What you carry is mine and I have every right to you."

"You have Tara?" Pam's voice cracked.

"Aye, just a small gift from me to you and a small, tasty, gift for Chester. He fancies himself a liege lord. To do that, he must have his children to barter as husbands and wives. I told him what a fine spirit you had. He wanted likewise for himself. You shall have your oldest child, Tara, and Chester shall have a breeder. He shall be father to many fine children. All which shall marry into houses of power and position."

There was a female screaming rage and male laughter coming from the sky as a dragon came roaring in on the flailing currents of the night air and Tara's body.

"No," was all Pam was able to get out before the dragon settled and Chester was off and on the ground with Tara over his shoulder.

"My brother dragon rider," Wallace smiled and called to him. "I see you have brought her home."

"Aye brother. A fine assed breeder she is if one ever walked the two realms. It shall be a pleasure to watch her conceive. She has strength and a very extensive vocabulary which is rich in ways to fuck. We shall try all of them. One or two sound like they could become a favorite.

Her strength and beauty is indeed remarkable. I shall train her in the blade just so I will have to watch my own back and dick, to make sure that both stay intact and undamaged."

"You toad sucking piece of fae shit," Tara screeched. She got in one good kick before both of her legs were wrapped in one of his arms.

"I have brought you home, lass," Chester chuckled. "Your home, your place of business, awaits," he slapped her on the ass. "And there is someone here to greet you."

Turning her head she saw Pamela.

"Just accept it," Pam said as tears slowly fell. "I'm pregnant, Tara. It is all true. Vampire is descended from fae. Has he kissed you?" she asked, her voice sad and fearful as she watched her child being carried like a weak, human female.

"Yes," Tara fixed her eyes on Pam. "When...when he found me...I fought him...but...but...my maker..." she was crying.

"Too late," Pamela wailed. "It is too late. His saliva has started the change that will take your bones back to fae. You will bear his children and he will rule over you."

"No," Tara wailed and her scream rent the night. "No-o-o-o-o! I will not go back to that. I will not."

"It is too late, child," Pamela cried as her hand reached out to stroke Tara's face as she went by. Being carried with no dignity, but slung over a great hulking fae's shoulder as if and indeed she was, just a feather bed for this great beast of a male to find his comfort.

"Welcome to _The Brothel of the Manse_," Pam sobbed and Wallace laughed as he scooped her up into his arms and carried her inside.

Evan just shook his head when Bill turned to ask him questions. Pointing with his head toward the dragons, they could see that they were about to take flight. Once the front doors closed, the dragons shot straight up into the night.

"What the fuck?" Bill asked, terror in his voice.

"Vampire is descended from fae and the bodily fluids in the fae cause a chain reaction in vampire. If there is enough fluids exchanged, the female vampire can conceive and the vampire male will be fertile as well. The never king is hoping that because vampire has not been tainted, but carries the original fae marker in their bones, that their fluids will correct the sterile in us as well.

The war in fae has caused both male and female fae to be sterile. The never king, he is having all vampires rounded up and is breeding them with fae that is fertile."

"What the fuck..." Bill was still lost in that thought.

"The never king is replenishing his ranks. These shall be more than halflings. They will be fae in their bones, because vampire is fae in their bones. And if it corrects the sterility in us..." the frog just shrugged.

"I do not want to believe that..." Bill gasped out.

"It is true," Evan sighed. "It is a very long story, but true.

Actually, it is a very clever plan on the part of the never king. The royal houses shall grow in strength and beauty once again and the never king shall have his praises sang for doing so. He shall be remembered in our song and legends forever and a day as the one that gave us back life."

"Vampires...fertile...? And..." Bill could not even consider the thought, "and the male vampires as well?"

"Yes," Evan replied with a nod of his head. "Northman takes a horrible risk by being out here. I have told him so, repeatedly. The noble ladies of the realm would stand in line to lay with him. They would pay handsomely to feel his body on top of theirs, his kisses sweet while he nuzzles their breast and he satisfies them with robust vigor. If he is ever caught and made fae in his bones," the frog was very thoughtful, "the ladies would find him to be worth the ride.

The never king has a sister," the frog lowered his voice, as if afraid to be overheard. "There has not been a fae male worthy of her, fertile or not. If Eric covers her with his magnificence, with his child in her, Northman would be made a prince of the realm."

"Eric," Bill sputtered, his reality now brought sharply back into focus. "A prince of the fae realm..." and then Bill began to formulate his plan K...

"Sookie is a queen," Bill said to his small friend. "If she were to kiss you, do you think you would revert back to fae?"

"King Bill," Evan hopped down off his shoulder. "Why would she do this?"

"I know Sookie," Bill said earnestly. He had to sale this. All had to be believable. Things were so fucked up here that Eric could become a fae prince! He would spend forever in Hell before he let that happen! His sincerest smile planted and grew on his face. "She is a wonderful person. Truly. A lovely person. She would help you. I just have to figure out some way so that I could speak to her by herself. I will be able to tell if she loves the never king in her heart. Depending on what vibe I read from her, will depend on my approach. If she does not love him, then the straight forward approach with just a slight curve will work best for us. If she has indeed, been infected and believes that she loves him, well, then, I will just use the 'my friend needs help', approach."

"King Bill," the frog sounded hopeful. "You would do this for me?"

"Yes, of course," Bill smiled. "But...but we are going to need an open fae portal. So that she can see I am not lying to her about any of this. Can you do that?" Bill asked.

"Yes, of course," the frog responded. "King Bill," the frog hesitated, "have you given her reason to doubt you?"

There was sorrow on Bill's face. "Yes."

"Then it shall be a large and flashy portal," the frog smiled. "Do not worry. We will not give her a reason to doubt you. But there is a problem. I have watched human females. They are not so different from the ones in fae. I do not believe that she is going to be enchanted with the dragon shit portal," the frog shook his head to emphasize his point.

"You are right, of course," Bill nodded in agreement with his friend. "There is a portal in the cemetery, not far from here. I will bring her there if you will open it."

"A good solid plan," the frog smiled. "King Bill, I am very impressed with you. Do I want to know how you know about the portal?

Bill chuckled. "Maybe later. That is also a long story."

"Cemetery it is, then," the frog king croaked. "Let's stop off there and I will get started. What about clothes for you?"

Looking down, he still wore the lion pants. "I had such grand hopes of being a bit more presentable. But these fae..." he hesitated. They were big and what the fuck! They rode dragons! Who knew just exactly where the dragons went? Were they circling overhead, watching the area? "If I could not obtain access to the mansion, I thought I could steal clothes that are left by the pool. The pool, however, is overlooked by the entire back of the house and the house seems to be busy with the enemy."

"Oh," the frog chuckled. "A bit of the voyeur, are we?"

There was no stopping the smiled that took over Bill's face. "There was not a bad view, anywhere," he said wistfully.

"So we would be spotted," the frog added the unspoken thought.

"Yes," Bill replied. "This will just have to do."

"Then do it shall, King Bill," the frog twirled his hand and then gave him a grand, flourishing bow. "I have decreed it so."

"And I thank you, sir king," Bill bowed like wise.

Down the golden road they went, chatting quietly as two old friends. They were two kings, both with getting laid on their mind.

"This is a good one," the frog king chuckled. "Do you know why the princess wanted deep-fried frog legs for dinner?"

"No," Bill shook his head.

"Because for lunch she ate..." The frog jumped up on his shoulder and whispered in his ear.

"No she did not," Bill was shocked.

"Oh yes she did," the frog chuckled.

"That is just rude, vulgar and can not at all be told in polite female company," Bill laughed. "But amongst us men, I would find that to be most satisfying."

"Rubbit in that," the frog chuckled as they proceeded merrily, along.

Bill stood off in the woods facing the front porch of the old Stackhouse farm house. Well, one of the front porches. The original one remained, but to the left of it, there was a massive porch where the main front door was now located. Very impressive. There were a lot of chairs and a massive outdoor fireplace located there. Sookie did like to sit outside and watch it rain. Looked like she now did so in style and comfort. It spoke of money and also hospitality. A charming combination in the South.

Well yes, the frog king had not been kidding. They had added on and then some. The old farm house was now substantial, in still a very charming sort of way. Well, it would need to be. If the fae king was going to use Sookie as a brood mare, they were going to need bedrooms for all those children. Good thing he was taking her away from all of this. How she must hate being used to further this king's future.

And she had been successfully bred. The king had apparently brought one into the marriage and Sookie had given birth to twins. Oh what to do? The momma in her would know he was up to something. His momma always knew when he wanted to be up to no good. He would be careful. Maybe once she got past the shock of seeing him, he would just explain about the frog king.

Sookie had a kind heart and she liked frogs. He knew that because they had gone out one night with her driving her death trap and she had almost brought the true death to both of them when she tried to dodge that frog that was in the road.

"You just have to know her weakness," Bill smiled. "And it just so happens that I do."

Bill heard the front door open and he stepped back deeper into the shadows. Really, vampire was the bastard child of the fae? Well...maybe this was not so difficult after all. Sookie had been his at one time. His blood in her, her blood... _oh-h-h-h, was that the beginning of an erection in 'ole Nub? _...in him...that old magic just might still be there. He started stretching out with his will and calling to her.

"Nub, old friend," he grinned as he stroked the front of his pants, "we will make this happen," as he kept repeating her name with longing and a bit of wanting to control her. To keep her humble and poor and harken back to those times when she had been so impressionable and had less and she had thought that he was a god. A god with a nice car and willing to show her a good time without spending any money on her.

"I'm goin' over to the cemetery to visit with Gran," he heard her say as she turned back into the house. "Everyone is tucked in and sleeping. I won't be gone long, Lafayette. It is just with the babies teething, I have not had any time to myself, today."

"She is still my sweet, sweet Sookie!" he sighed. Oh-h-h-h, she is going to visit with Gran. Her heart was gold. "I've still got it!" he smiled as he ran his hands through his hair. "That un-definable _je ne sais quoi! _My Southern Charm and my mind numbing power as vampire! " Bill was gleeful, this was going to be very easy. So what if Sookie was fae and had been sucking face with their soon to be dead king...he was still William T. Compton. He had plan **L,M,N O & P.** The world was going to be his!


	9. Chapter 9

Preemptive Strike: True Blood, Season Five, The Hell Mouth Opens- Chapter 111 Epilogue "...other such delights..."

**The characters of the Southern Vampire Mysteries belong to Miss Charlaine Harris. No infringement on my part is intended**_**.**_** The characters on True Blood belong to Mr. Alan Ball. No infringement on my part is intended.**

**I have no BETA, editor, or other such charming person. All mistakes are my own.**

**Chapter #9 Epilogue "...other such delights..."**

Bill positioned himself so that Sookie was going to pass by him. This was yummy...she was yummy and offered other such delights. M-m-m-m... she would be tasty. Might just be time for plan **Q, R, S, T, U, &** **V**. Admiring her easy gate, he could see where motherhood agreed with her. Her breasts were fuller, bigger, rounder. 'Ole Nub spit out what was on his mind! She was breastfeeding! This would be top of the line go for broke orgasmic! And her hips were just a bit rounder. That would not be noticeable to anyone but him! All that moist, deliciousness, curviness fitting into his hands and his mouth!

The never king would not know her well enough to admire those fine, enhanced, features about her. Of course, in just a matter of moments, well, Sookie would be admired by everyone in Hell. They would know what to do with all that lusciousness that was packaged in that female. Bill grinned. Well, yes...he should definitely have his way with her one more time. Give her fond memories of being loved by a tender heart. Those in Hell would not be so mindful.

"Sookie," he called gently to her mind. "Sookie..." No response. Then he tried pushing his will at her, being just a bit more demanding. "Sookie! Tell me that you love me." His ears could hear every twig she stepped on, the grass as it crunched beneath her feet. A bat flitting by overhead. But not one word from her full, inviting lips. Well drat! He was going to have to be more conventional in his approach, because here she came, now.

"Sookie," he said out loud, pushing as much tenderness as he could into the word. "Sookie..."

"Bill Compton," she paused, looking around. "I would know that person who mispronounced my name, anywhere. Where are you?"

"Sookie," he said as he stepped out from behind the tree.

"Bill," she peered deep into the shadows. "I guess it's true. The dead do get to roam the earth on All Hallow's Eve."

Well just wait one! What! Criticizing him already! This was not fair. She was not at all overjoyed to see him or even surprised. And she knew about the dead roaming on this night? "I guess reading all those books paid off for her," he sighed to himself. "I hate smart women," he said with passion to himself.

"Sookie," he stepped out into the moonlight.

"Bill," she replied. "Still skulking around in my woods, huh. Did you not do enough of that in your un-dead life that you must come back from...from...?" and she shrugged, "...I am guessing Hell."

"Sookie," he drew back from her, aghast! "I am back from the dead. Yours to command until dawn and answer your questions about the after life and that is all that I get? A reminder of what you consider my former transgressions."

"Same old Bill. Still skulking and whining. I see true death did not change you one bit. And you speak to me of former transgressions, hah! Why, if I was to bring that list up, we would be here all night."

"Sookie," his voice sound hurt and he took a step closer. "Once you loved me. I was your everything, your all. I was," he took a step closer with tears in his voice, "I was your first. Why, one night we even made our lover's bed in the cemetery. Not close to your Gran's grave, of course, but close enough. You know she approved of me."

"That's pretty lame, Bill. You seduced an innocent with the intent of hauling me off to Sophie-Anne.

Lover's bed my ass. You were covered in grave dirt," she rolled her eyes. "And I see things for you have not changed much. Still approaching me with no shirt on and some kind of furry pants. Your newest kink, huh. Well, I don't fuck animals or even those back from the dead who...well," she eyed him, "who do not have the decency to put on a shirt.

I would just as soon as trot Eric out here and relive my past exploits in the woods with him. With Eric, at least, I was not washing dirt out of my girly parts for days and he did not lie to me. No way was Eric a tightwad. I hope you have a point. I am married and have babies. Your time out here in my woods is limited. Thankfully, this day is going to come to an end and you along with it. Get to the point."

"I have been sent back to right a wrong," he humbly replied while inside he was seething. However, a very good point to consider was that she had not said happily married and that worked for him. Then reality set in and he wanted to howl in anger, because she had said _Eric_! Evan had said the never king was a stud and yet Sookie preferred Eric! Eric must be a bigger stud! How was any of this fair?

"You," she arched that dang-gum infernal eyebrow at him. "Right a wrong? This has got to be a good one," she chuckled. "Should I sit down or get ready to puke my guts out from laughing so hard. I could go either way."

Swallowing down his anger, he kept his sincere self in place. Hell, even Sophie-Anne had believed this face and that bitch believed no one.

"There is a fae who has been enchanted by an evil witch that now resides here. He was turned into a frog."

"Oh," she raised an eyebrow at him as she lifted her feet. "Knee-deep," she sounded like a frog, "in bullshit," she laughed. "Or would that be frog-shit?"

Why, it did not sound like she believed him! More tears flowed from his eyes as his face reflected the pain he felt inside.

"Tears are not going to work on me, Bill. Maybe the truth, will. Which witch was this?" she snickered.

"I do not know her name but this frog calls her a bitch on a stick and she is green. She rides a broom and has flying monkeys. I know this for a fact because they flung poo at me."

"Oh-h-h-h-h," came out in a hushed whisper.

Well that was better. Old Bill just earned a few respect points and 'Ole Nub was filling hopeful. The first time in years.

"You know for sure this frog is fae?" Sookie asked. He could still hear the doubt in her voice.

"Yes, he is opening the portal in the cemetery to prove it to you."

"Oh. And just exactly what is it I am suppose to do?"

"A royal has to kiss him, to break the spell."

"I am married, Bill," she began. "I am not kissing anyone but my husband."

"Sookie, he is a nice fellow. I felt so badly for him, even I kissed him, hoping my kingship still counted. Apparently it does not."

"Really, you kissed him?"

"Yes, twice, once on each cheek," he added with a sure nod of his head not wishing to discuss just which cheeks he had kissed. She could find that out for herself. "I like him. I want this to happen for him so he can...well, go back to his original form."

"I am not royal," she said.

"Sookie, you are married to the king of the fae. That makes you queen of the fae."

"How do you know that?" she asked.

"The frog told me," he said gently. "He keeps time out in the wilds with Eric. Apparently Northman spends all of his waking hours skulking around in your woods as well."

Something passed over her face. It was not desire...but it was something. "He says that Eric is out here so he can listen for the sound of our voice. He says that Eric loves you."

There was that look, again. It was pain that he saw there. So, she still cared for Eric. This was going to work...it was going to be spectacular! Here goes either plan **X, Y, **or **Z**!

"So, what plan does the frog have once he is turned back to his rightful fae form?" her voice was quiet.

"He is going to kill the never king, your husband." Well, at least she looked intrigued. Maybe there was some bad girl left in her after all. After all, he had fucked her without so much as his ring on her finger. Or even the promise of one. Bad, bad, bad girl!

"Did the frog explain to you about how all this works? That in essence, I am spelled, as well."

"Yes," Bill nodded. "I know that you are under a spell. Your husband's bodily fluids has made this happen to you. Once he is dead and you are no longer his to command, well..." and he just let that thought take over. He could see it there on her face. She could be rid of him and she could have Eric. Good thing she was going straight into Hell. Otherwise, he just might have to torture her for the fact that she still wanted Eric and not him.

"What do you get out of this?" she focused on him. "I have never known you to do somethin' for nothin'."

"Sookie," his voice was still. "I am on a mission. I have the opportunity to right this wrong for a person," he placed his hand over his heart, "for a person that I loved. I will be well on my way to getting my wings."

"You went to Heaven?" and he could hear the doubt in her voice.

That hurt. That fucking hurt! He had always been a gentleman around her! And treated her Gran with respect! Tears threatened in his eyes. "I see you do not think so highly of me," was all he could get out.

"You have lied to me on numerous occasions, Bill. What is one more. Let's go check out the frog. If what you say is true, well, maybe I will owe you an apology. If you have lied to me, it is just going to get ugly."

Keeping the tears going was the only way to help get his point, across. His Sookie had no idea just how ugly it was going to get.

Once they began their journey, there was really no time for small talk. Things began to shift around. Him, her, time, realities, paths...maybe all of it or maybe none of it. Just maybe because he wanted it so badly, he had caused all of this to happen. Now there was a pleasant thought. He willed this to be so. This was by his power and his might!

Yes, he could see it now, as they continued on. The Bon Temps final resting place for all those good folks who had lived out their usefulness, here; this place they had called home. This small piece of Louisiana that had survived because of them and despite them. A bone yard. All ended here. Unless, of course, you were vampire!

Yes, yes, yes! He could see it now, the faint glow of the portal. The head stones that wished for a peaceful final resting place that offered those still living refuge and hope...that their loved one had gone on to glory. None, he laughed, had carved on their stone asking for the depravities of Hell!

Sadly for Sookie, this place for her certainly represented death. And depravities. He hoped she was strong. Her uncle, he was sure, would be waiting for her.

How odd. There was singing. Bill could hear singing...

"_Do you know what forever looks like when you kill your own kith and kin?_

_Do you swallow the tears of forgiveness and wish for days that might have been?_

_Do you wander dreams and search for seams in time so that you might start again?_

_Under the same full moon, you do bloom and bond in the world of men._

As they approached, Bill had to chuckle. Evan was sitting on _his _tombstone. Most delightful. The frog had been the one singing. He may croak when he talked but he had a lovely singing voice.

Evan finished his song and then looked up at Sookie.

Returning his stare she said. "You need to shut the portal down," she nodded with her head toward the round, shimmering light. "I believe that you have been enchanted. Being fae, you know that they can all sense that opening."

"Yes," the frog stood and bowed. "But I am going to destroy the never king with this portal and free you of his power so that you may be lover to my friend, Eric. My friends in this realm gather to watch my triumphant return."

Sookie took a deep breath. "He really is out here, someplace. My Eric..."

"Only wishing for the sound of your voice," the frog responded.

"What do I need to do?" she asked, kneeling down so that she was eye to eye with the frog. "I am not crowned as his queen."

"I need to be kissed by a royal. You bear children for the never king. This makes you part of him. This makes you royal," the frog said and with a smile and continued. "The spell shall be broken by the one who wished it upon me. Here is justice."

Bill watched the portal. Looking up, he could see where it might take you to Fae. When he looked down, he saw the depths of Hell. "Kiss him," he wanted to hiss. Things were starting to stir out in the woods. The open portal was drawing attention to itself. His focus was now back on the two.

"The fae are starting to gather," Bill said quietly.

"Those are my friends," Evan replied. "They are casting the spell. To bind the false king." Those in the woods began to sing:

"_Heart to heart and breath to breath fire mates with ice_

_They walk this place and love their mate while all others moan and cry:_

_I have five toes, I have five toes, _

_Tis the new day and so it goes_

_They have been set free, they have been set free,_

_Woe to those that should have let the old ones be."_

Sookie looked around her. There were eyes blinking out in the dark. "Yes," her focus was now back on the frog. "I believe you."

Carefully, Bill was inching closer. The portal was growing and would soon be directly above them and below them. Bill would shove them both into the pit if this did not happen fast enough.

Sookie picked up the frog. Holding him in both hands, she brought him to her lips as he began to sing:

"_Beneath a cold waxing crescent moon_

_Should I live to see the next full moon_

_I am without counsel, tis my doom."_

Sookie responded with:

"_First breath of life, my Queen and King shall be_

_Their children walk as human that all can see_

_We are Thunder, Winds of Gold, and Wisdom Tree._

_Evil fears us, all others shall be set free."_

That was just odd. How did Sookie know the words? Bill was watching the two intently. Then was shocked when they both sang together:

"_There are three moons now since here I came._

_I am blessed for Wisdom now does reign._

_I am fulfilled and we now all live without shame."_

"What the fuck?" Bill said out loud. And then in amazement he whispered "What the fuck?" Sookie had that frog planted firmly in a kiss and she was work-i-n-g her mouth and was suck-i-n-g his tongue...and it was a long tongue, out of his mouth! Oh-h-h-h-h shit! And would you just look at what the frog was doing to her! Such a horrible display...of...well he was not just for real sure what he would call it...but they both deserved to be in Hell for that! And Sookie had said he had kinks! No one he knew deep Frenched a frog and looked like they wanted more!

Oh! Wait one! The frog was beginning to shimmer. There stood a nude male and his hands were all over Sookie as she was climbing all over him! Whoa! So Sookie really was royal...what the fuck! Time to step back and pull this all into focus. She would be an even bigger prize in Hell! She was fae royalty! He was golden! Forever!

"Well," he smiled happily. "My friend Evan just might find out what it is like to be inside her at the rate those two are going at it. All though, I don't think he will have the pleasure of listening to her scream his name. That portal is just about to where they are standing."

Things were starting to heat up out there! Then Evan turned all the way around so Bill had the perfect view of his back side...!

"Oh unholy fucking shit...!" Bill was having a moment! And a deeply deranged one where he and the frog king were lovers! And he had kissed that! Hot damn! Would you just look at the backside of Evan! Damn! No wonder the never king had cursed him and the witch had did the hot and nasty with him! Who could compete with that! Why, not even...even...even...North...

"No," Bill whimpered. "No, it is not possible..." he sobbed as the two entwined lovers had turned completely and now Sookie's back was to him and coming up from her mouth was Northman!

Eric's and Bill's eyes met and held for a second. Eric smiled and then placed another searing kiss on Sookie's lips and then he stepped away from her and there stood, in full regalia, the King of the Fae. And beside him was his Queen!

With Sookie on his arm, they began walking toward him. "Hello Bill," Eric's eyes held laughter of the unspeakable, disgusting dirty little secret sort. "I understand you get one free get out of jail card. Godric tells me that you only get the one. How nice of you to choose to spend your evening out of Hell with the Queen and King of the Fae. I do believe it was the first time I have ever truly enjoyed your company. And I have many more frog jokes. I just do not think we are going to be able to get through all of them.

Miss Molly...you remember her from HQ. She is my daughter and married to Samuel Da'vid." Eric winked at him, again. "Yes, all this and Samuel's money know how too. My Molly, she had tonight's little adventure wired. Kissing my ass was captured from many different angles and will be airing on the vamp channel and in Fae for a long time to come. H-m-m-m, I shall speak to my maker and see what he has to say about it showing in Hell. But here on Earth, I have no idea how many hits it has already taken on YouTube."

"Three hundred and fifty thousand hits, Father Eric," Molly called and waved to them.

Sookie and Eric both looked at her and waved back.

"I believe Pamela has already had her favorite view blown up and posted in the mansion. That second kiss, she says you are all riled up with passion and wanting, just not willing, to get the job done. Kiss my ass and then maybe," he winked at Bill, "desire something to do with your tongue."

"I," Bill was disgusted. "I would never! I, I kissed you in good faith..." he stuttered.

"Yes," Eric winked at him, "you did, twice."

"And...and Pamela? She really is not that fae's concubine?"

"Oh," Eric grinned, "Bill do not sound so disappointed. If it makes you feel any better, she really is pregnant. Seems vampire really is descended from fae. It is her husband's job, and his name would be Wallace, to keep my oldest child in shoes and to help her dispose of the bodies. And to pay off that fucking black American Express Card every month. I am glad I am out of that business."

"Is," Bill sobbed, he was in information overload. "Is my momma's home really a whorehouse?"

"Depends on who you ask," Eric laughed out loud. "Besides being King of the Fae, I am known through out the world as Day Walker. We rule the U.S. except for the thirteen original colonies, which is in the very capable hands of the King of New York. The Republic of Texas, is still independent, as well.

Pam, Tara, Molly and a host of others can be found in your old home, which you kindly left to Sookie, bitching about having to prostitute themselves and take it in the ass for the cause. The cause being that I am a father and husband and my time is not to be wasted. They deal with the day-to-day bullshit. I deal with the final death. It is heartening, though, to know that those vampires that are left are capable of learning. All fear Pam. Tara is just as deadly, just like her maker. Just like her maker's maker."

Eric's laughter filled the night. "But none are as deadly as my wife, my mate, my all.

If I may please, allow me to introduce HRM, Queen Sookie, of the Fae. I am merely her royal consort and sex toy and father to her children," he winked at Bill, again.

"So nice of you to stop by and visit," was Sookie's gentle voice. Then Bill's finally dead self wanted to shit, itself! Before him stood...stood...something so horrible he had not even seen anyone like her in Hell!

"Sorry you did not get to meet the children. But it is past their bedtime. And all Hunter would understand is that you betrayed his momma and wanted to take her away from him and his brother and sister and his daddy and he would be very sad. I am not happy, as you can see, when someone makes my son sad. That is what you wanted to do, is it not Bill? Somethin' about me taking your place in Hell."

Eric licked his fangs. This thing that was Sookie did as well!

"Now," Sookie began, the horribleness had fallen away and there she stood. "Godric tells us that this hell-mouth," she motioned to it with her head, "is going to be closing.

Oh sure enough," she grinned as she looked down into the pit. "Hey Eric, that's Russell down there screaming 'Bygones'! Hey Russell," she called and they both smiled and waved as the hell-mouth started to get just a tad smaller.

_And then, Bill registered, weird really did happen_. A group of Grandmas walked over with shotguns and were talking and cussing and started passing around shells filled with rock salt. _Pump _went the shotgun, then you heard the shot, then a scream. "Drag that one that goes by Lilith, out here," Esther hooted "and I won't shoot your ass...!" And then "_Ka-blam_!" followed by a piercing wail. "Does not mean that Sara won't," she laughed. "So move your ass."

Sookie smiled and waved to the women and then her focus was back on Bill. "And Godric also said that you have to return to Hell the same way you came out. So we have declared this a parade route. There will be one or two fly-overs, I am sure. Besides dragons, I just might have to put my bitch on a stick costume back on and buzz you, myself.

Tara is going to have one or two questions for you about some back taxes that she cannot locate. That girl does like to keep her bookkeeping in order. That last set of books that you did not closeout...well, she has been workin' on those in her free time. Seems she has a bet with Chester...somethin' about dragon riding time and his big assed espresso machine and does he know how to answer a phone. The NO vamps are wonderin' if you took that money to pay for the pool. Lots of time off from the mansion is riding on this Bill. So this is important.

Now, I know from experience that you have lied, before. But, our oldest, Miss Pam, she figured out a way around that. Pamela is the darlin' of her father-in-law, OI, the king of the dragons. If you thought Eric spoiled her...and her husband spoiled her..." Sookie just shook her head and chuckled. "Her daddy-in-law is so pleased about the wife his boy has married and the grandbabies to be, also twins, by the way, a boy and a girl, that he is going to glamour you so you can only tell the truth.

There will be others that are goin' to wish to chat with you as you make your way back down the golden road so that you can slither your way back into Hell the same way you slithered out.

And I do believe, that Em has well, left a fresh, perfectly round fae portal, for you.

Oh, but OI is inbound," Sookie smiled at the smallest and most darling thing Bill had ever seen landed on Sookie's two outstretched hands.

"He is beautiful," Bill smiled.

"Tru dat," the little dragon said with a snap of his claws as he circled his face. "Now, lets us sees what other mo' fo'n truths and lies and suches lurkes in this cocksucker's evils mouth."

OI worked his charming ways on Bill. After the glamour, he turned to face the crowd, put his claw down his throat and gagged.

"My little mans," Lafayette laughed, "he's been studyin's his Mr. Shakespeares. Did you see the might-tee fine ways he done rolled his eyes. Why, that was perfect plus and I has seens none prettier."

Tara laughed along with the crowd. "My La La," she patted his face, "seeing is believin'. I am likin' these purple jewels you two are wearin' tonight. I don't think I've see these, before."

"M-m-m-m-h-m-m-m, Missy Fineself T, that's is cause you has nots. My little mans, he dones traded some of my Ranger Cookies for a little times and a times from some tinkerbells private stocks of star dusts and suches. They done mixes it with some mornin's dew the day the twins were born and fired it up and fashioned it in some blue moon beams and polished it in the light of the cold moon."

"My La La, is there anyone OI does not know," and leaning in she whispered in his ear, "or does not owe him a favor?"

Lafayette shook his head. "No Miss T. Yous just be carefuls. He has his charmin's ways and he uses them as suches and to his great advantages. M-m-m-h-m-m-m. My little mans, he truly is La La in dragon form.

Now, looks like the floor show is 'bouts to starts. Truths from I am so fucked Billy boys lips. Good times."

William T. Compton thought he was one dastardly fellow. Look at the audience he had. All waiting to hear what passed from his lips. After all, "I am the Ascending Supreme Spirit from Hell," he announced proudly. "That is spelled H-E-L-L," he said again for emphasis and "the King of Louisiana. I am of true royal blood and I shall rule here on Earth for I am the Ascending Supreme and Satan is my liege. However," the grin covered his face, "I shall rule there someday, as well. Her fat ass will not know what happened."

"Yes," Pam snickered. "You are the ASS from Hell. We know that, Bill. You are also the ASS from Bon Temps and I would even go so far to say that your were the reigning ASS in New Orleans, as well. And that once back in the pit, after that little statement, your ass...well...Godric says they are very creative in Hell.

We also know that Chaz was your grandsire and that bullshit he told you about being descended from William the Conqueror was just that, bullshit. His people were French peasants. When he was turned, he was a French peasant.

And Sookie's purple clamshell and pearl have come home to them. Eric feeds the babies their puddin' out of it. Hunter loves to take it outside and watch the sunlight filter through it."

"What?" he took a step toward her. "No one knew that."

"Oh fuck a duck," Pam sighed, "he really believes that. So tell us, Bill, what else do you hold to be true and sacred."

"I was a spy for the North during the war. That is why they spared my momma's house."

"Shocker," Sookie rolled her eyes.

"I was fucking your great, great, also," he smiled at Sookie and winked. "She owed me money and I took what I needed from her. She only fought me the first time. That is why your home still stands. I told them it was mine. And it would have been mine," he pouted, "once I convinced her to sign it over to me and then I killed her off. I was landed gentry and your family was just poor dirt farmers. This was my right to do so."

"Why Bill," Eric clucked his tongue, "you rapist and little ego manic."

"Like you have never taken a woman against her will," Bill snorted.

Blue flames of The Realm streaked across the expanse and Bill was enveloped as his screams tore through the night. The flames continued to incase him as Sookie walked toward him, the energy flowing from her and expanding like the increasing rage that she was feeling. When she was standing in front of Bill the flames stopped and she said, "Eric, would you care to address that?"

"Certainly," he was seething, "I do not deny that I have raped my enemies. Male and female alike. This was the way of my time.

But if I desired sex, to take a woman against her will; free or slave...never," he hissed. "If she did not desire me, I moved on."

There were still blue sparks shooting out of Sookie's eyes as she silently regarded the vile creature before her. "I asked OI if he thought it was possible to gift you with the Living Death. He does not know, but he is willing to give it a try. But you know what," she chuckled, "we learned our lesson about revenge. It can consume you and I don't have time to spend one second of my thoughts on you. I think you just need to be enjoyed in Hell.

Next round of questions," Sookie turned and smiled at the crowd as she walked back toward Eric.

Bill was in pain! There was no denying what had coursed through him while he was lit up. And this was not what was done to him in Hell. This was different. The underlying sweetness was a former reminder of something. And it burned, both his body and his thoughts!

He hated her! He hated that he could not lie his way out of this. He hated that he could only move forward no matter how much he tried to exert his will. And most of all, he hated Eric. Because Eric had what should have been his.

"My big mans," OI was watching the drama unfold on the shoulder of his big man. "You gots any longin's in your minds you needs answers, too. I know from time to times, you wonders 'bouts The Blonde Bombshell."

"Oh, Miss Monroe," Bill smiled and he had Lafayette's full attention. "She was a tasty treat. A little used but draining her was sublime."

OI and Lafayette both drew back in horror. "Youuuuuuuuuuu," came out of both of their mouths in disgust!

"I also arranged to have Kennedy killed. She honestly preferred him over me. Just how wrong is that."

"I did not see that one comin'," Pam said as she eyed the ASS that was walking the road back to Hell in monkey socks.

"And I don't know how many times I tried to have Eric brought the final death. I lost count. It got to a point that I was stealing so I could pay an assassin."

"Saw that comin'," Pam chuckled. "Damn, I loved killing'off those guys. Finally got to a point where dickhead could no longer afford vampires and he started hirin' humans," Pam snickered. "Not as much fun but far more satisfyin' and my gators loved me."

"What I don't know," Tara stepped up and wiggled her eyebrows at Chester, and then addressed Bill "is where is the tax money?"

"Tax money? I don't know," Bill shrugged his shoulders. "How much is missing?"

"Three hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Not a lot, but I took a look at the pool bill. It comes in at around that amount."

"No, to put in the pool, that was money I found on a dead vampire. He was still alive, just barely. He met the true death a few minutes, later."

"Ohh, eeeuuuu," Tara said. "Really, you rob the dead?"

Bill rolled his eyes. "Of course not. Jimmy Boy was not dead when I robbed him. I finished him off after I robbed him."

"Oh," Pam stepped back in and re-engaged. "You fucker. That was Jimmy Boy you killed...that was my new car money he owed me."

"Opps," Bill smiled.

"Opps is right," she hissed. "Why I am going..." and then she laughed. "Well, seein' as how you are already in Hell and all..." and then she chuckled wickedly. "Put some different monkey socks on this boy. Where are the ones The Queen of the Fae were wearin', earlier?"

There was a party going on along the road. Bill could see it. Fae...of all types and descriptions. It was all true. Eric and Sookie...king and queen of the fae. What a fucked up world. He would rather be in Hell.

So here he was, walking the golden road back to...well...save that for later...he thought for sure he would be the center of their attention! That this would be his one last chance to stand tall and be noticed! He expected to be laughed at and jeered or the object of their abuse. Instead, and things just kept getting weirder, everyone was wearing monkey socks and drinking. Apparently the good stuff. Something called Death from Above and it was something to be cherished.

Being discussed were everyday events and many were making eyes at Chester and Tara who were floating above the road on the back of a very large dragon. Apparently Tara had a bottle of something and was pouring shots. Apparently no one had ever poured shots of Death from Above from a dragon, before. Or poured shots of anything from the back of a dragon. She was getting all kinds of cheers and whistles.

Bill found himself listening to the extremely large male fae that she sat in front of. "The small princess," Bill heard a great deal of respect every time he referred to Tara, "is exceptional with a sword. Never have I trained one with such grace or finesse. Truly, she is the grand child of our king."

That is when Bill knew...this was not about him. They did not care about him. This was a celebration! This was about the fae living their day-to-day lives and it was glorious! There were often references to their great good and kind queen Sookie and their good and just king Eric. How blessed they were that their world was now back in balance. That harmony and beauty once more walked with them because of their good king and queen. He heard snippets of war stories, about a land that was so lost and dissolute, that old warriors squared off and ended themselves on a true field of battle, rather than cause any more damage to the barren and stricken land they loved. Not unlike the civil war that he had battled in, brother against brother. But this had gone on for thousands of years.

Eric had been a part of helping to right this terrible wrong? And Sookie as well? Simple, poor, Sookie! All of this was wrong! Maybe Eric, in some perverted world was capable of somehow helping to fix this...but Sookie...? No!

Smelling the dragon shit, he knew his walk was just about over. He was being returned to Hell through the portal from which he had emerged. This time he was going to keep his mouth, closed.

He watched as Eric walked out to him. "Come to say your good-byes?" Bill asked as all along the road became quiet.

"Yes," Eric responded. "And to tell you the truth. The truth that the old fallen in the pit already know and will cherish you all the more because now you know.

In the beginning, when the earth was still new, there were magics created to take care of this planet. To over see its growth and manage its mountains and the deepest of oceans. God created them, by twos, to care for and be the caretakers of this place.

The original fae, or the old magics or the old ones, the fae call them. They go by many names. But there are two names that are held through out time and space. That of Sookie and her Evan."

A light went off in Bill's eyes and Eric saw the beginning of hell take form in his mind. Good, so he understood that lie was not going back into the pit with him.

"Evan is the fae name for Eric. Sookie was mine, from the very beginning, Bill. You were her first," he chuckled and shook his head no. "This planet had not even cooled the first time we danced in each other's arms. We both remember being each other's first. Nothing," he smiled, the blue lights dancing in his eyes, "compares to that."

"No," Bill yelled and then, "no, no, no, no, no!" he screamed. He was still screaming as he was sucked back down into the portal. Squeezed into dragon shit the size of a softball, his screams of "no" sounding until they became muffled. And his eyes, the last thing his eyes saw was Eric standing in a pair of monkey socks and his mouth was full of dragon shit as he felt his head being squeezed together and the dragon filth being pushed into every crevice of his head.

This must be plan Z...Ooooooooo la la...zeeee good times!

The mo' fo'n big assed grill was going and the smell of Were wafted around on the breeze. There were Fae, everywhere.

"Hunter's up," Sookie smiled. "And he has gone to get his brother and sister."

"They shall be here shortly," Eric smiled.

"Yes, Mr. Independence and his little red wagon," Sookie chuckled. They both grinned at each other.

"Just wait until Finton shows up," Eric could not suppress the small laugh.

"Oh," Sookie chuckled right along with her husband, "I have no doubt our oldest will figure out a way to fit that boy and his tree along with his brother and sister in that little red wagon, as well."

"Don't forget his cat," Eric's grin got bigger.

"And a lot of dragons in that tree," Sookie laughed.

Sure enough, at the kitchen door stood Hunter with his baby brother and sister along with Lion and some pillows in his wagon. Andy was walking along beside it and the babies were both holding onto him and jabbering away. Andy answered back with an occasional "Ooo,".

There were squeals of delight when Eric stood up and came to get them.

"My Son," he picked up Hunter and hugged him. "I see you are awake."

"I smelled food," he grinned. "And then my tummy rumbled. And then I went to check on the babies and they woke up."

"Give me those babies," Grandma Esther and Deborah said as they swooped in. "Mr. Hunter, just as soon as your Momma and Daddy get their kisses, we are wantin' ours."

"Yes Grandmas, I'll be right there."

"You need some help fixin' a plate?" Sookie asked him as she took him from Eric.

"No Momma. Looks like my Grandmas are fixin' one for me. They are wavin' me on over."

"Well, that is just fine then. You go eat and collect your kisses. When you get sleepy, let me know and I'll tuck you back in."

"Okay," he smiled as she set him down and off he went. Talking to everyone and admiring everything.

"That boy is fearless," she said in wonder to Eric.

"Just like his Momma," his hand stroked her face.

Maxine was in a state! "Hugh," she said as she cut the coconut cream pie and passed it out. "Compton was a yellow-bellied traitor! And we had him speak at a Glorious Dead Meetin'. Well I never!" she stomped her foot and fussed with the next pie that she started to cut. "How do I explain that? I cannot with a clear conscience even consider goin' to another meetin'. I welcomed his traitor ass in and all!"

"My angel," he smiled at her. "All sorts of liars walk this realm. Why, everyday when I see a human client, I am always pleasantly surprised when they tell me the smallest snippet of truth. I just expect them to lie to me."

"Oh-h-h, darlin'," she stopped and looked at him. "I am so sorry. I just never did considered that aspect of you earnin' a livin' and supportin' us the way you do."

"My precious one," he kissed the tip of his finger and ran it against her nose. "I knew this when I decided to become a lawyer. It was a choice I made. That daily I would surround myself with liars and thieves and murderers. You know how much I enjoyed my job at the law firm in the Twin Cities," he wiggled his eyebrows at her. "I enjoyed eating assholes right along with my morning coffee.

And then you came into my life," he smiled. "And all I wanted was to settle down and know the joy and love of having you as my bride."

"You do have a way about you," she winked at him.

"Well yes," he blew her a tiny kiss. "And just as soon as we get home, I will show you what that is."

OI was dabbing at his eyes. "My big mans," he sniffled, "I had no ideas that low-down mo fo'n cocksukin' Compton drained our Miss Monroe. I...I thinks my hearts is breakin'. As sads and scaries as her life was there at the ends, then...to have that...that..." he dabbed at his eyes as the tears ran down his face. "And...and he could have fixeds hers...glamoured hers and told hers how beautifuls and perfects her blondeness was...that she dids not need no mans or alcohol or drugs...she just neededs to believe in herself..."

Lafayette poured them both another shot of The Death as he cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. "Truer words, my little mans, truer words. To our god-dess, his La La-ness says. To our Blonde Bombshell!"

Bill found himself sucked through the portal and in the subservient position before Satan.

"You know what showed up in Hell, King Bill," she asked sweetly, "beside your head filled with dragon shit? Monkey socks. Lots of pairs of monkey socks. Why, enough for all the upper echelon. And my minions, and I will include myself as well, well, we were all pleased as punch that somehow you had brought back monkey socks for us. And not just any monkey socks, but ones that smelled of fae and even still had a little blue sparkle on them. They were still warm, King Bill, from the fae that had worn them and they smelled...mouth watering.

And so we did what you are suppose to do with socks. Especially ones that smell so dainty and satisfying. We put them on.

And then do you know what happened?" Standing, she began screaming, "They fucking control us! From time to time we all stand and...and..."

They all formed a Conga line and began dancing. Twirling and leaping and occasionally doing _The Bump_.

Bill was enjoying himself on the dance floor and was a bit flabbergasted when he felt himself thrown back into the subservient position!

"And then when it stops," she seethed, "we are right back where we were before it started. And these socks, why I have tried chewing them off my own feet, but to no success. Now I am going to try chewing them off of yours."

"Just sucks to be you," Bill smiled. "My feet went through dragon shit. Enjoy that tasty treat, bitch."

"What?" she screeched.

"Really? Can your fat ass get down here and chew them off of me? Then can you get back up? And as long as you chew on my feet I won't have to see your butt ugly face. And dragon shit smells sweeter than your breath. Come on down here and entertain King Bill. 'Ole Nub will give you the ride of your fucked up life."

King William T. Compton had a new name in Hell. He was now called, He Who Can Not Lie. Sometimes, he was just called Butt Monkey. He was a constant source of amusement, not all of it pleasant, monkey socks and all.

There were many lessons learned amongst the denizens of Hell after _Butt Monkey's Big Adventure. _Like maybe asking for a pass back to Earth one night a year was not such a good idea. Who knew there was going to be dragon shit? "I mean, who fucking knew?" They would all ask themselves that from time to time. Plus, you could come back telling only the truth. And you could see how well that was working out for Butt Monkey! And from time to time, those with the cursed monkey socks all just hooted and hollered and danced! Very embarrassing moments for the higher ups!

And then there was the smell...since _Butt Monkey's Big Adventure _the place also now smelled of dragon most foul!

He Who Can Not Lie brought back a whole headful of dragon shit which did stink even in Hell. And in this dragon shit was preserved the entire evening of what Bill had seen, been, heard. Out of his eyes came what he had experienced in living color. From his mouth what he had heard in stereo. King Bill was truly what you could call living surround sound and he projected on the wall more than HD quality film when someone asked to see his big adventure. And as nasty as he smelled, they all enjoyed the scene when, with passion, he kissed Eric's ass, twice.

Good times!

Dear Readers,

Thanks for checking in and reading PS: The Hell Mouth Opens. You guys rock! For a while I almost had King Bill and 'Ole Nub cursed with The Living Death so I could yank him around any time I wanted. But Miss Sookie is right. Revenge...it can eat at you.

I owe Mistress Cinder a short blast about Lucy and E.H. Also, one of these days it is going to hit me when Tara realizes how she feels about Chester. So, there will be more to the story when that time rolls around.

For now, I am back to working on my _Sagas of the Irish Laigain,_ _The Ribbon Tree_, which I post on my word press site.

Until then, the happiest of New Years!

The spirit transcends the body!

Stake Compton, bring on The Viking!

CES

PS... one or two of you told me that you _downloaded_ (hit that button at the smashwords site) The Father's Daughter with the free coupon. If you hit downloaded only, you always get 20 percent of the book for free to download.

If you want the entire book, you have to put that code in when it is time to pay when you check out.

As always, Stake Compton, bring on The Viking!

CES


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